Dear Jolly,<o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
I have followed your posts since you
joined several days ago. You may be
unique in this membership in that you are a handicapped, bedridden, elder �?
dependant on seemingly narcissistic adult daughters. After re-reading all your posts �?all
the incidents of your daughter’s neglect and abuse - I am concerned that you are
very vulnerable to escalating abuse. <o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
Before I go preachy on you, I want
you to know that I do understand your sorrow. As the mother of grown sons (and
grandmother to a fine 14-year-old grandson) I’ve known both the joys of many
decades of parenthood as well as the profound disappointment of having a son who
is without empathy and compassion. There are no easy roads into accepting
that our child’s narcissism is a forever kind of disability. Working through the pain requires we
summon all our spiritual resources; it takes guts and honesty.
<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
If the who, what, when, where, and
whys of your present circumstances ever mattered, they no longer do. The days for parent/child counseling
sessions are gone, the chance to reverse family dysfunction is past, ruminating
about your parenting is useless, and the opportunity instill empathy in your
daughters is long over �?if indeed it was ever possible given that current
research suggest a genetic component. Jolly, none of your relationship
heartbreaks are of any consequence now.
It does not matter who did what, who said what, who screwed whom over,
who spoke up, who didn’t shut up, who spent what, who thanked whom, who
manipulated whom, what the gift was, how much anything cost, who made a promise,
who broke a promise, who stole it�?SPAN>
It is quite enough to let it begin to sink in that, for reasons that no
longer matter, your relationship with your daughters is broken and YOU cannot
fix it. Ever. It is time to get on with the immediate
tasks of relocating out of your daughter’s house and away from her controls, so
that you can heal from the poor health, depression, isolation, and the abuse
that is burying you.
<o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
And assuming that you have reported
things accurately, Jolly, you ARE the victim of significant elder abuse. Withholding clean laundry is abuse. Withholding your underwear is
abuse. Refusing to clean your room
and bathroom for three months is abuse.
Refusing to remove cat feces from your bed linens is abuse. Withholding your mail is abuse (putting
a postal hold on your mail is a felony). Stealing your food is abuse. Hijacking your pain and sleep
prescription medication is abuse (and also a felony). Refusing to prepare your meals is
abuse. Stealing your money is
abuse. Promising to kill your cats
as she leaves for <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1:place
w:st="on">Mexico</st1:place></st1:country-region> is abuse. Refusing to feed and water the pet cats
is abuse. Refusing to remove cat
litter/cat droppings is abuse.
Withholding transportation to services is abuse. Isolating you from social connections is
abuse. Yelling/screaming at you is
abuse. Gaslighting is abuse. Exploiting you financially and
materially is abuse. Are you being
slapped, hit, or kicked? Are you
being threatened with physical violence or restraint? If not yet, I think you are at risk for
it. <o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
You just had a contact with a Social
Services agent who is helping you through the process of getting into a HUD
apartment. Unfortunately, that
agency does not interface with Oklahoma State Adult Protective Services so they
did not seized the moment and act to assess you for abuse. Fortunately, Adult Protective Services
is MORE than willing to act immediately on your behalf (and it will not
jeopardize your getting a HUD apartment) if they are contacted with and provided
your address. I called them today
and gave them a summary of your situation.
They have the means to mobilize and remove you from an abusive
environment within hours. Here is
their contact information:<o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
Adult Protective
Services<o:p></o:p>
Elder Abuse
Division<o:p></o:p>
Oklahoma Department of Human
Services<o:p></o:p>
<st1:address
w:st="on"><st1:Street w:st="on">P.O. Box</st1:Street> 25352</st1:address><o:p></o:p>
<st1:place w:st="on"><st1:City
w:st="on">Oklahoma
City</st1:City>,
<st1:State w:st="on">OK</st1:State> <st1:PostalCode
w:st="on">73125</st1:PostalCode></st1:place><o:p></o:p>
http://www.okdhs.org/aps<o:p></o:p>
Report allegations of Domestic or
Institutional Elder Abuse at <o:p></o:p>
800-522-3511<o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
Check out the link if you want. Then call them and ask for help. If you
are unable to make the call, don’t want it reflected on your phone redial, or
for other reasons of safety cannot call them yourself, you may contact me and I
will initiate the action for you. I
have no reservations about making that call. My email address is [email protected]. Send me your name and address directly
(don’t post it to list). If you
provide your phone number, I will call you first thing in the morning when I
open my email.
<o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
I am proactive, Jolly. In most situations, I simply pass along
information, believing strongly that adults should take care of themselves. But because you are physically ill,
handicapped, bedridden, and clearly depressed, I am willing to advocate for you,
doing what I am able in order to get you started with a network that will
provide you the care, compassion, and kindness you
deserve.<o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
Your life is meant for
Blessing,<o:p></o:p>
Cherrie�?lt;o:p></o:p>
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