Coping with the Psychopath/Narcissist Child

I am new to this forum. I just found it and so glad I did. I have lived with NPs all my life. I have this reocuring dream that I am lost in a bad side of town, surrounded by crazy people. I am always trying to fit in, act like them...for I know if I don't they will kill me. I have had this dream most of my life. Now I feel this dream is a reflection of what my life was like as a child. Living with such crazy people.

My mother and father were both NPs. Their love was conditional. If I did good, then I got love. If I did anything they disaproved off, they cut off the love and called me stupid, fat, ect. I was never good enough.

They joined this group of ...shall we say hippies. And a LOT went on there that wrote on the slate of who I was as a young teenager. It hurt me so badly that as a young woman I acted badly. I just behaved like I was taught. There were drugs, nudity, and wife swaping. All of which my parents took me to. They even took a few of my friends. They thought they were hip, cool. They harmed me in ways that only I know about. Just one example: My mother even asked me if I wanted my first sexual experience to be with my step father! She told me that she wanted my first time to be safe, and nurturing. Am I crazy? Was this right? I'm still so distraught about all this that I live with depression everyday.

I should have never let my parents have anything to do with my children, but I didn't think they would do to them, what they did to me.

My mother even pulled her pants down in front of my daughter and my co-worker to show how her private part hairs were thining out.

Now my daughter is acting out.....I'm lost. I fear I'm losing her. She is acting out.

I'm 54 and my daughter is 32. My son is 34. He and I are still very close.

I'm sorry I blurted all this out here....I am so desperate, I'm not even sure if I'm in the right forum or not.

Anyway, thank you all for just hearing me out.

Hugs,

Sonia..........dreaming of a better day

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Message 2 of 3 in Discussion

From:

TroddenAnemone

Sent: 8/07/2008 5:13 p.m.

Hi Sonia,

Like you, I am older - late fifties with son's in their late thirties. And like you, my parents were horrifically narcissistic/psychopathic. Unlike you, I broke contact with my parents early on, forbidding them contact with my sons. But that didn't protect me from the fallout of my family's dysfunction nor did it insulate my children. I'd married what was familiar - a man who was narcissistic - and so ended up putting my children at risk anyway. It took me many years to understand the role my parents had assigned me.

I joined this particular group a few months ago because the narcissistic and BPD behaviors of my youngest son and his wife have taken a toll on me (I've had to suffer their crap as a condition of maintaining a relationship with my grandson). What I discovered, though, is that most of the members of this group are the parents of much younger kids (mostly teens) and are, on the whole, reluctant to share that they themselves were in (or are in) relationships with narcissists/psychopaths.

That's understandable; none of us easily accepts that we did things or are doing things - however innocently or well intended - that contribute to an at-risk child becoming narcissistic or psychopathic. I mean, it's hard enough to manage an uncomplicated life let alone process complicity and remorse while living in the middle of chaos. But some of us seek to heal from the inside out, acknowledging that to truly parent, we must first reconcile the roots of our personal dysfunction and squarely face in what ways our narcissistic, psychopathic, or borderline parents groomed us to serve as vehicles who transport these disorders into future generations.

Without denying that this child-focused group has merit, I have joined another more active group that focuses on recovery from relationships with Ns. There is no lock-safe way but as much as possible, it is closed to narcissists themselves. Please read their home page for more specifics.

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/NPDR/?yguid=195906053

I feel sad for you, Sonia. I know the humiliation and fear of having really disturbed/dangerous parents. And I also know the guilt that seeps in when we realize in maturity that some of our decisions impacted our kids in ways unimaginable. But... I also know that by reaching out, you are on a path to healing the brokenness that has kept you in bondage to other peoples agendas.

Remember, your life is meant for Blessing.

Take care of yourself.

Message 3 of 3 in Discussion

From:

SunburstFree

Sent: 8/07/2008 11:14 p.m.

Thank you for sending me to yahoo.

Hugs,

Sonia