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Coping with the Psychopath/Narcissist Child[email protected] 
  
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 Message 1 of 6 in Discussion 
From: XtraMSN NicknameLillyRose722  (Original Message)Sent: 3/08/2008 6:58 p.m.
Recently, I have had to admit that my beloved, beautiful, successful only daughter is an N, just as both her grandmothers, her father, her stepfather were.
 
Two pressing issues:
-her Nmentoring of her older son. Her paternal grandmother to whom she was very close mentored my daughter's father who was an only child; if that relationship were not incestuous in fact, it was certainly emotional incest. Question: do they choose the child most like them? My mother chose my much younger sister.
 
-her soul. I saw the blank eyes for the first time recently which renewed a memory of 5-years ago. Her husband at that time, she and I were chatting about my sons, her 2 brothers. Her head bowed down then came up and she said blankly "got rid of those 2". Her husband froze; as did I from decades of not absorbing Nhate.
 
I asked her later why she said that. She had no memory of it. She was not lying about not remembering what she said which leads me to believe some N's have a spiritual infection that speaks thru them.
 
I am scientifically trained and have been objectively observing her for 15 years. She went to NYC where she became astonishingly successful in a demanding field then returned to our home southern state. Something happened while she was in NYC. She became an alcoholic (rampant in our family and her father's), abandoned her sense of style which was her trademark (this was not a cultural effect, NYC women have great style), and became unpleasant to be around. Of course, I know alcoholism does this but so does malignant narcissism.
 
I am her target as is any man she is married to, she is on her 3rd marriage; her father was married 5 times. She absolutely hates me. I am mature enough to know she hates me because I am a very laid back person and people generally like me. Unfortunately her current husband does like me. When I realized this and the peril he was putting himself in, I severely limited our contact. I am down to almost no contact with my daughter/her family now, just an occasional email.
 
There have been times when she openingly told me of her disgust. One was silly regarding holiday gatherings, etc, she said she, her brothers, and their families loved it when I went to bed "so they could make fun of me." Again, I did not retain what she said because my daughter is an amateur compared to my mother.
 
Then recently I had the final straw, that was when her eyes were blank when she opened her door and the visit disintergrated from there. No raised voices, no harsh words, that's not our style. I calmly realized I was not welcome and yes her husband was there.
 
One more time in my life, I am losing a family that is very dear to me because of malignant N. But this time I am not heartbroken, I have a right to life my life without condemnation and she has the right to live her life constantly glorifying herself in her subtle way. Frankly, I feel better with my daughter out of my life.
 
Kind regards and if you have any input regarding a spiritual infection or anything else I would appreciate your time and input.
 
Not spell checked.


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 Message 2 of 6 in Discussion 
From: XtraMSN NicknamefemfreeSent: 5/08/2008 3:08 a.m.
Hi LillyRose. I wish I had some words of comfort for you dealing with your daughter. I was thinking, when reading your message, that #3 husband is in for a rude shock whenhe finally learns the truth and she will have gone through these men destroying their lives, your life and everyone else - mostly herself in the process. 
 
I wish I had the words you need and I hope that you find some peace  of mind knowing you are not alone.
 
Hugs, Welcome
femfree

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 Message 3 of 6 in Discussion 
From: XtraMSN NicknameVera206Sent: 18/08/2008 6:30 a.m.
Sad story, I would like to hear more......I am ridding my daughter out of my life also.....trouble is she is only 16 1/2....I would never forgive her for what she has done, she might as well be dead.....again the problem with other Ps/Ns in the family. She is her father incarnate, he is a sick man...I believe a P, but I can only guess. Hurtful is when you raised the child and loved them with all your might, to be spit on and cast aside like a piece of sh**.

Vera

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 Message 4 of 6 in Discussion 
From: XtraMSN NicknameMaandaatSent: 21/08/2008 5:17 p.m.
Your messages are bringing tears to my eyes. I am the mother of a 20 year old narcissistic daughter. Unfortunately she is the spitting image of her narcissistic father. I am having a lot of trouble with guilt. Sometimes I hate myself for bringing such a person into the world. A few weekends ago she staged a fake suicide attempt to get back at her boyfriend, who had broken up with her. When she realized he wasn't going to rescue her, she calmly called a taxi and went to the emergency room. Of course I didn't know this was all fake until after I'd gotten to the hospital and heard her tell me about her scheme. In the back of my mind I had a feeling she wasn't serious, as she's always needed to be the center of attention, but I was really angry and scared for her. But what I really needed was for someone to hear ME for a change so that I could explain how she's manipulative and attention seeking and a pathological liar. I'm so tired of being made to feel guilty for what she does and how she treats people. I'm so tired of being used and walked on by her and then made to feel like I'm a terrible mother because of how she turned out. HOW DO I COPE? How do you all cope with the narcissists in your lives? Sometimes I just feel like dying, just so I can escape this guilt and this pain. All I ever wanted was a normal kid, a good person, someone I could be proud of. But I hate her and I'm ashamed of her. I'm so scared she's going to get herself killed. I don't know how to deal with her anymore and I just feel like giving up. I don't have a life of my own. Everything is about trying to protect myself from her. I just feel so helpless.

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 Message 5 of 6 in Discussion 
From: XtraMSN NicknameVera206Sent: 21/08/2008 10:26 p.m.
I would like to chat,,,,problem with these boards is we "know what is going on" and no one in our regular lives can SEE it because they are not reading the books about it and visiting the boards here......also cyberspace is so impersonal....if you would like I will give you my e-mail. I have written a lot about my daughter and my story and my EH (the P) on the P board.....I am also soooo frustrated and ANGRY and have no one to talk to....they just do not get it.

Reply
 Message 6 of 6 in Discussion 
From: XtraMSN Nicknamepandora721Sent: 23/09/2008 7:34 a.m.
Hi lilyrose.....pleased to meet you. Hugs for you, not much more I can say, is there?.......you know what is going on, you know what has to be done...you need to protect yourself and know you are not alone.

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