Hi Jubileecat,
My daughter is doing much of the same thing where she has conditions for us (me and my son) being in her life. She's only nine, but very much like a teen in her behavior. She manipulates with the finesse of an adult. She's been living with her grandmother, who like your husband, is an enabler. I actually feel sorry for the Ps that have these enablers in their lives. They make a bad situation, catastrophic. We've been trying to do visitations with my daughter. Unfortunately, I've found that I actually don't like her. That's horrible as a parent to say, but it's the truth. She has such an ugly personality. She's supremely selfish and mean-spirited. I had hoped that on a superficial level of just doing outings, that she'd be able to maintain and be agreeable. But if things don't go exactly her way, she decompensates. Then her ugly nature reveals itself. I've found it's an effort to do things with her and I have to bribe my son each time we go. She is that unpleasent. I'm hoping peer pressure will compell her to rein in her natural tendencies, because she doesn't seem able to pull it off with me and her brother. She's been similar to a terrorist in arranging visits. If we don't do exactly what she wants, she'll retalitate with cutting us off. We had planned a visit a few days ago, but my son wasn't feeling well. She responded by telling my son, "If you don't pick me up right now, never call me again." Yes, she's only nine, so I do cut her some slack. But I'm not going to be dictated to by a spoiled child. I think that's essentially what all Ps are-spoiled children. They want their way or the highway. I'm at a point where I don't want to make the effort. Like with any relationship there has to be some pay off for both parties. Where's the pay off for me or my son? There isn't one. She's so unpleasent that it's a situation we want to avoid.
I guess I'm wondering for you, is it even worth it to dance to her tune? Will she ever be satisfied in her demands? She wants you to cut off ties with other family members. Why should she have the right to dictate that? Like my daughter, it sounds as though yours is a big control freak who has to win.
I'm at a point where I don't want to play this nasty game any longer. If my daughter wants a relationship, it will have to be one of respect and caring. I don't think she can hack that. As you said, they are in msery, they are miserable people. For me, life's to short to be abused any longer. I hope my daughter will get the message but sometimes people don't. They go through all of their lives unhappy. |
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