Hi, this has been the most difficult time of my life. This morning I woke feeling such a sense of loss, of my freedom at 48, loss of being able to pursue my career for which I have worked so hard, loss of choice in so many aspects of my life. I am always exhausted caring for a 2 year old and working 3 days a week. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't have it any other way, and I love this beautiful little child who gives me joy and makes me laugh. she only has us.

 

I have actually started some annual leave and before all this began, was going to take a well earned week on the Queensland coast with a friend. Of course now my life is a constant round of washing, dishes, toilet training, the odd temper tantrum, and never a moment to myself. no break in Noosa. I think I am grieving. My career was just taking off, and I loved it. Thats on hold now. Our travel plans are on hold.

 

And my son claims that I stole his daughter from him, that I planned this. He has demanded her back, and threatened to send the police, but thankfully the anglicare support services won't support him having her. he is unable to see how this has affected our lives. My partner and I were to be married yesterday, but of course this too had to go on hold because we were too stressed to think about it. He has wrecked my life. For many years.

 

I am sick of being abused and called foud names. I detest his manipulative tactics, and his way of using people to meet his needs (including his daughetr). There are times that I wish he had never been born, I really do. He has not contributed anything positive to this planet, just left a trail of wrecked family.

 

Please understand though that I absolutely love this little girl, and will protect her no matter what. She has blossomed in our care and is no longer the timid little thing she was. The dark circles have gone from under her eyes and she laughs with joy every day.. She loves our home, and the family she has here, and he thinks he can just take her back (so he can get his parenting payments back), and he doesn't consider the effect this would have on her. she would be back here in 2 days anyway because he can't cope. We are grateful that Anglicare have got their heads around his behaviour and his counsellor has told me that she understands our predicament. She has given me a letter stating that he is unable to care for his child at this stage.

 

However, today I mourn my life, my freedom, the ability to make choices for myself, the lost opportunites, time for my relationship.

 

I am normally a positive person, but today feel so miserable. Don't know what to do to make myself feel better. 

 

Goosie