My nearly 26 yo daughter uses an expression of love to bait her victims, myself included. She recently reunited with an abusive man she's sure is the answer to her money/material prayers. He bought her a $700 camera, since photography is one of her new hobbies, wined and dined her to get her back. She allowed herself to visit myself and my son, who lives with me, only twice last year, on son's birthday and Christmas afternoon, and showed up several hours late, past the time she'd promised to arrive. She delightedly showed off her new camera, meanwhile not bringing a gift for myself or son. I make good money and dont need anything from her, but I was hurt that she neglected her brother, just as she did on his birthday, no gift.
I raised this girl and her brother, my biological children, on my own, no child support, father long gone, putting my heart and soul into them. I homeschooled them from a very early age, used homeopathy and naturopathic herbs to keep them from illness. I have a college degree and taught them to read and write before kindergarten. I made sure that they had the best clothes, shoes, books, toys, etc. that I could give them.
This girl was sooo sweet up until about age 13, when the trouble began and only escalated from there. I cry when I recall how sweet concerned and caring she was. From then on, it was boys, drugs, staying out each and every night when she could manage it, telling lies to church members, family and friends about life at home and me. Ive never done drugs or had trouble with alcohol, though it runs in my extended family, have lived a good Christian life and really have gone over and above what any mother would do to give her children the best she could. I took my kids to piano lessons, camps, on and on.
Now this girl has reunited with her abusive ex boyfriend and wants to have nothing to do with me. Ive gone thru a very abusive marriage and a subsequent abusive long term relationship which my daughter blames on me. So that means that I was responsible for a gun held to my head and the trigger pulled several times the day after my father died, on and on, yes? I dont think so.
When I asked her why she could only bring herself to visit me and her brother only twice last year, she said that she was too busy, then she said it was because I fight with her every time she came to visit. Not so! I held my tongue when she told me that she is championing a meth addict to try to keep him out of prison again because he walked away from his court appointed rehab center. She gives aid and comfort to known criminals/drug addicts, yet she cannot bring herself to visit me and her drugfree hard working Christian biological brother who live only eight miles down the road? Am I stupid or is there something wrong with this picture? There is so much more to this story, but I really needed to talk with someone today. I spent the better part of the last two days crying my eyes out because she is back to her old tricks, blaming me and sundry for whatever she does. She has no feelings. I know that because I could see the totally flat effect in her eyes a few years ago when she was still living at home. I would spend literally hours talking to her about what might (and did) happen when she spent all night, every night, out drinking and I think, using drugs, with men of all sorts. Men would call MY house wanting to speak with my daughter, men I didnt know. By that time, she'd moved out to an older woman's house who encouraged this promiscuous behavior, saying it was my daughter's rights as an adult to pursue this life style, one that Id strived so mightily to teach her was wrong.
I feel better just for posting some of this heartache/poison thats been in my heart and mind for so many years. I feel that my daughter died many years ago. It would truly be easier for me if she had. |
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