 |
|
Reply
| | | From: JimJim (Original Message) | Sent: 6/8/2006 6:04 AM |
I hope this email brings a smile to your face. This email is all abt the paradoxes in life. Enjoy! Only in America ... Only in America �?do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions, while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in America �?do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
Only in America �?do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
Only in America �?do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
Only in America ... do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
Only in America ... do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
Only in America ... do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
EVER WONDER ...
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed? Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why the man who invests all your money is called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal ?
Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle) ... in other words, send it to everyone. We all need to smile every once in a while.
|
|
 First
Previous
2-6 of 6
Next
Last
|
|
Reply
| | | From: JimJim | Sent: 7/29/2006 5:32 AM |
A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry"?
"Sixteen," the boy responded.
His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly.
"How do you know that"?
"Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said, 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
After a church service on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, "Mom, I've decided to become a minister when I grow up."
"That's okay with us, but what made you decide that"?
"Well," said the little boy, "I have to go to church on Sunday anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand and yell, than to sit and listen."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A six-year-old was overheard reciting the Lord's Prayer at a church service, "And forgive us our trash passes, as we forgive those who passed trash against us."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon.
"How do you know what to say"? he asked.
"Why, God tells me."
"Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out"?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and on. Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered, "Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go"?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
After the christening of his baby brother in church, little Johnny sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong.
Finally, the boy replied, "That priest said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I want to stay with you guys!"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Terri asked her Sunday School class to draw pictures of their favorite Bible stories. She was puzzled by Kyle's picture, which showed four people on an airplane, so she asked him which story it was meant to represent.
"The Flight to Egypt," was his reply.
Pointing at each figure, Ms. Terri said, "That must be Mary, Joseph, and Baby Jesus. But, who is the fourth person"?
"Oh, that's Pontius the pilot."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Sunday School teacher asks, "Now, Johnny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating"?
"No sir," little Johnny replies, "I don't have to. My Mom is a good cook."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Pastor Dave Charlton tells us, "After a worship service at First Baptist Church in Newcastle, Kentucky, a mother with a fidgety seven-year old boy told me how she finally got her son to sit still and be quiet. About halfway through the sermon, she leaned over and whispered, "If you don't be quiet, Pastor Charlton is going to lose his place and will have to start his sermon all over again!"
It worked!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A little girl was sitting on her grandfather's lap as he read her a bedtime story. From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again.
Finally she spoke up, "Grandpa, did God make you"?
"Yes, sweetheart," he answered. "God made me a long time ago."
"Oh," she paused, "Grandpa, did God make me too"?
"Yes, indeed, honey," he said. "God made you just a little while ago."
Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, "God's getting better, isn't he"?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
Reply
| | | From: JimJim | Sent: 11/17/2006 11:36 AM |
Now this man is on the ball, |
|
Reply
| | | From: JimJim | Sent: 8/21/2008 8:55 AM |
A Story To Read! One day a farmers donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours, as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally,he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway, it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey. He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first the donkey realized what was happening, and cried horribly. Then,to everyone's amazement he quieted down. A few shovel loads later,the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw.With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off, and take a step up.As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon,everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the wall,and happily trotted off! Life is going to shovel dirt on you,all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off, and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping,never giving up! Shake it off,and take a step up.The Donkey later came back, and bit the crap out of the farmer who had tried to bury him. The gash from the bite got infected ,and the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock.--- Moral From This Story is---When you do something wrong, and try to cover your (Ass),it always comes back to bite you.- Riley A |
|
|
First
Previous
2-6 of 6
Next
Last
|
|
Free Forum Hosting
Important Announcement
Return to Toons&Jokes