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| | From:  Grace· | Sent: 12/9/2006 1:54 PM |
| From: junebug | Sent: 12/9/2006 7:38 AM | | Grann and Grace, I commend you both....sincerely.....leaving a marriage of many yrs is by far the hardest decision. I agree with Grann that it is feelings of pride and womanhood that pang. I am not in your shoes , either one of yours....I am in a pair of your old shoes .....I struggle daily, if not hourly with IS IT ME ? Or is it him....and most times I come to the same answer, Just give it one more yr......it will change.......so far nothing has...like Grace wrote in another thread, there can be ups and downs and changes galore, but their life always stays the same. They go to work, have their friends do their hobbies and always come home to comfort zone. One that because they pay for , they think they only have to underwrite not build....Build not the structure but place that is home to both....A quote from a fight we had a yr or so ago...Him :YOUVE CHANGED! Not me, I havent changed in forty yrs!!" ME: And you think that is a good thing??????" Yes, he gets up the same time, comes home when he wants, eats anything he wants, does his manchores if he feels like it, throws his clothes on the floor, complains about the kids, quizzes me on what I did all day, and yes, he is like clock work.....predictabley sarcastic, negative and diminishing....Is this abuse? Hardly. I have had to change to keep the plates spinning....but I am tired..and worse of all, my spirit is breaking...crumbling and falling like the twin towers...soon all that will be left of me is dust...and all those around me will be left with the effects of my inaction. I need to change something again. I will continue to pray on this and ask for your wisdom. Love to all who read this. I am sorry if I am a whiner.... | |
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| | | From: Grace | Sent: 1/17/2007 11:21 PM |
| From: junebug | Sent: 1/17/2007 4:45 PM | | A place to chat....yes, and a kitchen to decorate. Such a comfort. I just want to thank you both for responding so deep in detail to your plights . I am once again in a place of quandry. I was so sure on saturday night when he blurted out *<I wish I knew what provoked it:) You should be single! Sorry we interupted YOUR life!...Well that was it in my book. He now was gonna have to deal with HIS BEING SINGLE ....I was surely calling a lawyer on Monday......But as usual, he woke up the next morning like he did nothing wrong, accusing me of over reacting...the day was quiet but polite. I was talked off the ledge with no discussion about the night before. Then Sunday night at ten pm, he started belittling my son and when I didnt agree with him he started telling me that we make him sick....WE make him sick...because a 17yr old boy has a hard time being belittled....WE make him sick because he blows in with condescending questions at the eleventh hour of the weekend and wants to know things that he should have known for months or yrs.....I still said nothing...went to my sons room and told him that the man was his dad and deserved a civil answer no matter how silly he thought the question was. When I came out of the room I looked at my husband and started to say ,,,,,,,,,,,You know......and he laced in to me....that for 25yrs he did nothing but his best for me, that I was ungrateful and not nice to him...I listened, turned, and went to bed trying not to react to his foolish behaviour. We havent had a civil word since...and he says "at the end of this I hope you know how hard I tried." Ok, you are all reading this and saying, there are two sides the every story ....and you prob are wondering how mean I really am to him....fact is that I am soooo hardened. I am exhausted...I am done...but I just cant say the words right now...I need to wait till the boy gets his colllege things sorted out..and even then maybe I wont make a move. But this is just to fill you all in..not that I am looking for pity or a quick fix. I am looking to shed this dread....I am grateful that I have finally somewhere I can go to express it..This is a private group isnt it??? god I am so paranoid....ok....deep breath, as I go back and reread the posts and feel the love and joy of a place to call your own and a man who appreciates a fine woman...Love to all who read this and feel free to tell me to buck the hell up..... | |
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| | | From: Grace | Sent: 1/22/2007 3:17 PM |
| From: junebug | Sent: 1/22/2007 8:05 AM |  A toast to CR...clink...Grace ,the truth does set us free. You have no reason to wonder about her anymore. She exists....why and when and what the details are ,are irrelevant. you need no more reasons to close this door...no rationalizations necessary. She exists. She is real. He, even in his indecisiveness, has decided. You have decided for YOU however. No more him deciding what truth is. From a movie Somethings Gotta Give, Jack Nicholson says to Diane Keatons character in a self righteous and smug way, "I have always told you the truth, or at least some version of the truth, Diane Keaton , in a desperate and longing way to Jack Nicholsons character says, "Harry , there is no such thing as a version of the truth....I just dont know what to do with with with ALL THIS(running her fingers thru the air over her heart and gut)....She continues, "The life I had before you, I could DO.......I was fine...but now, but now...I dont know how to do this life.." She closed the door to the taxi...and left.... Grace, you are always here for me. I am here for you as you hit this reality head on. Whether he calls to explain or doesnt, there is nothing for you to DO with all this...except as you write, Toast to her, to them and wish them well. I am doing that today myself with something I am struggling with. Some version of the truth is not truth. I take today, this note I read from you, and all my love both past and present and will put them HONESTLY where they belong. I am a wife and a mother ..not a gf or a lover....I am onto re inventing the me I know I am. Like it or not, Stay or leave, like it or lump it....kiss my big butt, cuz I am no more living in a fairytale where I am waiting for the prince to ride up and make things better. And I dont have to explain it , rationalize it or debate it. I , with the strength I have gathered from my friends here, am moving on.......even if it is not far off this address....I am now free.......only the paperwork is left.......and that is exactly what I will tell him if infact he has anything mean to say to me.... He called me a weirdo last night when I asked him to look up a desk for me on ebay .....and he got all pissed that he had to leave his motorcycle web page....I said, and sincerely no attituded, Dont worry, I will look it up myself later if it annoys you...."YOU are a weirdo...." Why I asked, "Because I was not annoyed and you make things up to make me look bad...." Like I was hit in the head with a bat...where did this come from...and no he was not drinking...So, the weirdo went about her business, made dinner and cleaned up. He went to bed.... I breathed a sigh of relief.....Geeze, do I ever let anyone have their moment????? I am sorry it turned into a ME FEST.... But you inspire me, bring out the strength in me. And when you need some support, lean on me...... | |
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| | | From: Grace | Sent: 1/31/2007 9:46 PM |
| From: junebug (Original Message) | Sent: 1/31/2007 3:38 PM | | I am too exhausted to be angry with myself....I didnt go to the gym because I have running my tail off to keep my other resolutions. I have been in constant motion for over a week now. But as of most recently, I am cleaning out! I am organizing, polishing, donating, following up on, finishing paperwork, renegotiating credit card deals(non of them mine either, I dont charge what I dont have)....Cooking, working, comforting.....Tonight I drop one of our cars off to get some body work. The prob with that is the need to rely on someone to drive me home and then depend on others to get me around for the week. When my Moth in law was supposed to be in Fla, I was going to use that car....now, well, she needs it....oye......So today I did again a wonderful job and I feel gratified. I might be doing all this NESTING due to the fact that my future is a bit uncertain. He is going to a counselor and wishes not to discuss it AT ALL with me. I honor that as when I was going I didnt want to share. I am hoping he will feel better soon. I know he will feel alot worse before feeling the rewards of purging...the whole fam is in turmoil....all over the inability of one person to practice some self control....a heartbreak at best......ok, not here to complain, just to journal and update....Off to think, YES, ONLY think about what to do for dinner....enjoy the day Girls! | |
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| | | From: Grace | Sent: 2/1/2007 2:27 PM |
| From: junebug | Sent: 2/1/2007 6:49 AM | | ONLY READ IF YOU DONT MIND A WHINER Last night when he got home I greeted him with smiles (I was feeling like I did a good job working hard all day). I had started making dinner but then he said"I ate already"....ok, my mood started to decline.....I poured a glass of red wine and sat at the table, asked him to join me and he did. I showed him all the paperwork I did and all the good tying up of loose ends I did....I showed him the litttle note book I had written all the things I needed to do, the checks next to all the items and told him how it made me feel like I actually got something done.....he said "oh, that seems to be the fashion....that journaling thing..." I said this is not a journal this is just a book with tasks and errands....he said....smugly, oh but the counselor says that everyone could benefit from journalling..." I asked him what else she said about it and he said , " When you went to your counselor , you didnt tell me anything....So, I am not going to share anything with you now. " WTF???????? So, the night was going ok until he decided to tell me that the reason he will tell me nothing is to PUNISH ME.....I told him the only reason I didnt share with him when I was going to a counselor was because I feared judgement from him. I told him that at the time and again last night....I asked him , " Do you fear judgement from ME?" HE said no...I said so the only reason you dont want to share is to punish me....? He smugly shrugged his shoulders....He then accused me of not even appreciating the fact that he went to the counselor so that he could get a HANDLE ON ME! I used the quote from Somethings gotta give, when I said, I can take care of ME...you no longer have to think of that as your JOB.....you are off that shift now.... Things went from bad to worse rapidly. I told him to get out...GET OUT NOW...this after he said this cant go on like this....that its over, its DEAD.....I felt nothing but relief as he packed his suitcase, took ALL the appropriate PAPERWORK (which I have copies of btw) and packed the car. And then, and then, HE sat down....said we would remember this night forever....I refused to talk anymore.....AND HE FELL ASLEEP ON THE SOFA! HE DID NOT LEAVE......I went to bed LOCKED the door.....some time around midnight he used a screwdriver to open the door and crawled in next to me. END OF STORY....dear GOD....what else has to happen before he realizes that with each episode of his bad behavior I get farther and farther driven into the core of the earth......Ok, just an update...I am going to be fine....just another bump in the road....off I go to do ,,,,well, something......thanks for being patient with me....and I am sorry if I am a bummer..... | |
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| | | From: Grace | Sent: 10/26/2008 1:41 AM |
| From: junebug | Sent: 10/25/2008 5:47 PM | | I loved this thread.. I am afraid of a few things....I am applying for a new job fulltime with all benefits...I am afraid of losing friends if I am their boss....I am aftread tat the new life will end a life that I let go out of control for many yrs....I am afraid that I am not ever going to achieve the peace of mind I have been striving for...I am afraid that things are changing fast ....all that on a sat.....go figure....good luck Grace with the connectivity....it is esssential for me....hope yours goes notinterupted...love you alll.. | |
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