The History of Hockey in Canada

Hockey in Canada began just after our country was discovered. Actually it was another country that was discovered, Newfoundland, but that country became part of Canada and now its all the same. The early settlers had little to do. Except for hunting for food and hunting for wood, most of their time was spent trying to keep away from the black flies or trying to keep warm. One innovative early Canadian by the name of Pierre Lapin, invented a distinctly different way to do both. Having seen sleds ride on steel blades on the ice, he decided to try something daring. Strapping a rifle bayonet to each boot, he stepped onto the frozen surface of Lake Bobkeshinwegawigamog and fell flat on his face. Undeterred he got up and tried again. After several such attempts he was successful and soon he was racing across the ice, warm and free of those pesky flies. Ice hockey was invented almost immediately. How could it have been invented so soon you may ask? Well, Pierre got tired of falling down all the time and picked up a crooked stick to help him make his way over the surface of the ice. This stick, now in the Hockey Hall of Fame in Toronto, was the first hockey stick. As Pierre sped across the ice he tripped once again, but this time he tripped over a frozen beaver bladder that another trapper had left lying around. Angered and hurt, Pierre swatted the bladder with his crooked stick. He watched in amazement as the bladder flew across the ice, coming to a stop just past the entrance of a small bay. The dimensions of that small opening are the exact same ones used today for the NHL goal crease. In his later years, Pierre used to joke that if he had kicked the bladder he would have invented football. BTW , the bladder was not able to be preserved as it served as supper for Pierre and his friends that fateful evening. A replica of it is in the Hall of Fame, however.

Pierre soon interested his friends in strapping on the blades and grabbing the sticks. In time there were so many trappers on the frozen lakes of Canada that our nation experienced its first recession. It was at that point that the then Prime Minister Stanley Park decided to form a league and offer a prize to the winning team. A frugal man, Park offered a tea pot for the prize. He was later to say that the tea pot had been a particularly loathsome wedding gift and he was glad to get rid of it. Well today that tea pot, the Stanley Cup, is one of the most sought-after trophies in sport.

Canadians are, without a doubt, the best hockey people in the world. At an early age, all Canadians are tested in their ability to play our national sport. Both men and women are screened for their ability to shoot the puck, skate, swear and spit. Photographs are taken and then the photos are retouched to see how the person would look without front teeth. Bobby Clarke, a famous Canadian player for Philadelphia in the Seventies, won the teeth competition in his year of testing. Other tests such as the ability to drink from a cup without having any part of the cup touch your lips, the sweet science of swinging your fists at the face of another player, etc. help the government of Canada keep our sport pure and wholesome, ensuring that only the best of Canada's youth advance to the higher levels of the game. All those who do not pass the tests for superior ability are streamed off into baseball.

The reason that both men and women are tested for hockey skills at an early age is because many women have more skills at the game than men. It is a very well kept secret that a surprising number of famous and not so famous NHLers are, in fact, women. No one will admit to that fact but, trust me, it is true.

In school, children are taught the history of hockey, referee signals and whistle blowing as well as puck dropping. For their physical education classes, skates are mandatory, cups are optional and students spend many hours training each day. In the summer, short and sweet here in the Great White North, the kids skate on gravel to strengthen their leg muscles for the winter. In high school and college, various former professional players hone the skills of their charges. Dropouts are frequently seen hanging around tennis and basketball courts, wishing they were American