Why She Stays
Women who stay in violent relationships undergo gradual steps of reasoning to reconcile the violence in their minds. The reasons she stays may change as the violence in the relationship progresses.
AT FIRST, she stays because:
she loves him
she believes he’ll grow up or change
she believes she can control the beatings by doing as he says; cleaning the house, keeping the children quiet, having dinner on time, etc.
she believes she can convince him that she loves him (and end his jealousy)
she believes it is her duty to make the relationship work
she believes she can reason with him
she believes him when he says he’s sorry and he won’t do it again
she’s embarrassed for him and/or herself, so she seldom seeks help
she’s afraid of what will happen if the police get involved
LATER, she stays because:
she loves him, but less
she hopes he’ll change or get help
she’s under pressure from family or friends to stay
she believes he loves and needs her
she’s afraid to be alone
she believes she can’t support herself
she believes his promises that he’ll change and that they’ll start living the life she dreams of, that he’ll get counseling, that he’ll stop abusing drugs or alcohol, etc.
she is confused
she is increasingly afraid of her partner’s violence and may see lethality in his out of control behaviors
FINALLY, she stays because:
fear: he has become tremendously powerful in her eyes
he threatens to kill her or the children or her family
she has developed low self-esteem
she believes no one can love her
she believes she can’t survive alone
she is very confused and feels guilty: “he cares, he beats me, I must be bad, I must deserve this, I don’t know why�?BR>
she becomes depressed and immobile. Decisions are difficult, sometimes even impossible for her to make.
she believes she has no control over her life
she feels hopeless and helpless
she believes she has no other options
she has developed serious emotional or physical problems
she becomes suicidal and homicidal