Why She Stays
Women who stay in violent relationships undergo gradual steps of reasoning to reconcile the violence in their minds. The reasons she stays may change as the violence in the relationship progresses.
AT FIRST, she stays because:
she loves him
she believes he鈥檒l grow up or change
she believes she can control the beatings by doing as he says; cleaning the house, keeping the children quiet, having dinner on time, etc.
she believes she can convince him that she loves him (and end his jealousy)
she believes it is her duty to make the relationship work
she believes she can reason with him
she believes him when he says he鈥檚 sorry and he won鈥檛 do it again
she鈥檚 embarrassed for him and/or herself, so she seldom seeks help
she鈥檚 afraid of what will happen if the police get involved
LATER, she stays because:
she loves him, but less
she hopes he鈥檒l change or get help
she鈥檚 under pressure from family or friends to stay
she believes he loves and needs her
she鈥檚 afraid to be alone
she believes she can鈥檛 support herself
she believes his promises that he鈥檒l change and that they鈥檒l start living the life she dreams of, that he鈥檒l get counseling, that he鈥檒l stop abusing drugs or alcohol, etc.
she is confused
she is increasingly afraid of her partner鈥檚 violence and may see lethality in his out of control behaviors
FINALLY, she stays because:
fear: he has become tremendously powerful in her eyes
he threatens to kill her or the children or her family
she has developed low self-esteem
she believes no one can love her
she believes she can鈥檛 survive alone
she is very confused and feels guilty: 鈥渉e cares, he beats me, I must be bad, I must deserve this, I don鈥檛 know why鈥?BR>
she becomes depressed and immobile. Decisions are difficult, sometimes even impossible for her to make.
she believes she has no control over her life
she feels hopeless and helpless
she believes she has no other options
she has developed serious emotional or physical problems
she becomes suicidal and homicidal
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