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<DIR> Everyone has the "Shitty day" - or most everyone  . This is an expected segment of the Path we all travel - until you overcome the inertia of failures. You must consider that we are here to learn and experience - and we usually learn more fully through initial failure , than through easy victory. Tossing yur Path due to the inevitable struggle is like hard boiling an egg, slowly peeling the shell, and then throwing away the ovum because you dropped the empty shell on the floor. It makes little sense to a hungry spirit.
DEPRESSION
<DIR> Willow7 : this isn't just a shitty day intense_female : ok… what is it then? Kellog_bluff : it wasn't a shitty day for me... intense_female : glad to hear that K Kellog_bluff : is someone having a 'shitty day", then? Willow7 : more than just a shitty day; a shitty day ...you handle and move on. Kellog_bluff : oh... so --- you're Not handling this 'whatever day"? Willow7 : no, not handling it. i actually had a panic attack today ....haven't had one in almost a year. Kellog_bluff : oh. And you are sharing this with someone --- seeking assistance, i presume... am i intruding with my questions? Willow7 : not intruding; i was trying to share with the room...but i don't even know how to explain. Kellog_bluff : oh. Sounds like you just did - explain, that is. So - you had a panic attack - not had one since last yr. And yur very very upset. Feeling any other emotion? besides fear... Willow7 : frustration Kellog_bluff : oh. anything else? any other emotion? or - is fear, anger, frustration - enuf for now..., then? Willow7 : yeah i guess its enuf Kellog_bluff : ok....feel like discussing any of them? And while we discuss --- you can really get a good Feeling for it. Really sink yur Teeth in it. So - which one ya want to do first? Which one Burns ya,? Willow7 : fear. Kellog_bluff : good; good choice. ok - so yur afraid; of losing the control you've maintained - ? For a yr.? Fear that it is out the window? Willow7: I' m not worried about the panic attack...that's only a reaction. Kellog_bluff : go on...tell me about the fear...what are you afraid of...be specific... Willow7 : i think i just realized what i m afraid of; being a fraud. Kellog_bluff : anything else? any other thing yur fearful of? hurting yur self? using a knife? Cutting your throat? Willow7 : no way. Kellog_bluff : go on; tell me what else yur afraid of...besides the 'fraud' thing...any other fear? Willow7 : i think I'm afraid to be what might be possible; I'm afraid to believe in myself Kellog_bluff : no knives? what does that last statement mean? "What might be possible"? Yur jerking me here. give me some real fear, now. Not this hooey. FEAR. are you afraid of becoming ill? insane? Willow7 : no Kellog_bluff : of dying? losing health? killing someone? losing money? losing your brain? Willow7 : i don't know Kellog_bluff : c'mom…you said "fear'…I'm waiting to hear some. Willow7...Willow7...are you listening to me, dear? Willow7 : I'm listening… Kellog_bluff : ok ----listen pls. for a minute - regarding fear. I am one person that understands...fear. I have owned it before. and it is still a companion at times. I speak of Real fear. not the hooey you mentioned. I'm not minimizing what you feel, Willow7…but don't call it fear. Fear to become what you may be...is not any kind of fear to get all upset about. again...not to minimize it...but it is NOT fear you are feeling - if that is how you describe it. ok - so you mentioned - frustration. Willow7 : so its not like my life is in danger ...ok - i get that. Kellog_bluff : let's try this again - Willow7; tell me what you are feeling. is it still frustration? anger? you aint dying - right? so yur not afraid of catastrophic stuff today... Willow7 : not that I'm aware of… Kellog_bluff : ok - so we got anger - and frustration...anything else? Willow7 : i feel useless...how's that? Kellog_bluff : ah. helpless? tied to frustration - but a good segue. ok - Willow7...tell me. when did this come on - the helplessness. just today>? Willow7 : bigtime today yeah. Kellog_bluff : from scratch, then? Willow7 : yeah; bam. Kellog_bluff : yesterday - you were peachy - today you were shit? just like that? Willow7 : not peachy....jittery yesterday. Kellog_bluff : ah. tell me about yesterday. what caused you to be jittery, yesterday? what happened - or did Not happen - yesterday? Willow7 : hadn't been in the room for a while....due to house guests, so yesterday was my first day back; it felt all weird. Kellog_bluff : back in chat; ok... Willow7 : yeah Kellog_bluff : explain weird; what was the feeling - ? like you didn't belong? Willow7 : my stomach was all butterflies Kellog_bluff : you didn't have any answers? Willow7 : no not that, but here's what happened… someone talked of a first psi experience...i was kinda reminiscing...then i felt jittery…and then today BAM. Kellog_bluff : you left something out; reminiscing about - what? Willow7 : about my first psi experience Kellog_bluff : and - was it keen? was it wonderful? Willow7 : groovy Kellog_bluff : sure? groovy? can we call it enjoyable? Willow7 : it was awesome Kellog_bluff : ok - and you haven't had one like that , since...right? Willow7 : not for a long while Kellog_bluff : ok. did you read what was posted under the "astral" subject on the SLC Directory, dear? the new soon-to-be series, "Fred, Ethel and the demon-haunted wurld"? title of piece was "intro. to psy" Willow7 : i believe i did, but i cant say for sure right now. Kellog_bluff : you didn't read it, or pay attention to it - but it was written for you. it describes what is happening to you, and what to expect. yur probably saying " why should I even follow this path of mine, since i haven't had a good psychic experience since I started." yeah, well. Welcome to the real world, dear. I wrote that piece for faceonMars --- but it is about you, dear, and about everyone who shares your feeling. What You're feeling right now aint special or rare at all. you evidently forgot about Creed #10 - also (whether you actually believe in it or not.) Creed #10 was written because (shit) happens to us all - all the time. it's just your turn - is all. Why do you think I always laugh at all this stuff we share? because it is preferable to crying. We all share the frustration of boredom at times. Sometimes - it lasts years. Years - Willow7. 365 days times 15 maybe; for me - it was. And you are crying about 1 day. 1 friggin day. verily i say to thee...if you ever want to get anything out of life - you gotta Pay for it. And the payment - is performance. And that performance - won't be done on your best days. you sink to the level of your bad days - and your training. you - Willow7 - are walking proof of my words. you - and me - and most of us. it is why I spend this time - when others of my peer say i am wasting it here. I'm not. Folks like you need to hear it. I've been there. Willow7. it gets better, but not right away. and it gets better - when you work at it. and the way you work at it --- is to NOT give up. Every frigging thing I wrote in "Creed" - can help you, if you let it - instead of letting the frustration control you. Sometimes - the best (first) episode we have - for spirit - always seems to be the best. It is the time when we are innocent and ignorant...and Anything special will seem magical. Willow7...Everything is magical. Everything, every day; you need to find that out - for yourself. i cant tell you to believe it. But i do believe it. and I don't have bad days any more. I have days - and better ones...but they are all magical. if you don't' feel that way ---and I do --- well, maybe there is something to what I say, eh? maybe you can spend a little time reading some more...assess what you read...and start performing against what you want in life. if you want those special magical moments that you had a yr. ago --- go Get them. build the Intent to get them. we talk ad nausea about how to do it. GO do IT. quit chatting about it -- or reminiscing about it...and start performing. things happen - in subtle ways. don't expect great strides immediately. only emotions change overnight, and only because you make them change (unless there is a chemical imbalance.) this is hard work, Willow7. it takes time - and effort --- and alot of failures. Failures. you better get used ta it. Refer to Creed #10. You're gonna fail - so get used to it. You who may call this statement "negative thinking" ---- You don't have a clew what I'm talking about. I'm talking about the strategy of success over turmoil. you - Willow7 - are experiencing turmoil of your own making. so --- only YOU can unmake it. first - you need to define the turmoil ---- understand it --- become intimate with it. we learn more from our enemies than our friends...because thru our enemies we learn how to overcome turmoil. we learn love and sharing thru our friends...and that is needed to sustain ourselves thru the turmoil...but to overcome it --- you have to become intimate and beat it. again - I'm telling you, Willow7...expect frustration; expect anger...when you want something that isn't coming around right now...consider that you are having bad days...and call them "practice"; cuz it could get mighty worse, dear. mighty worse. only 1 day --- is nothing. only 1 yr. - is nothing. come back to me when you have slit your wrists because of the depression at not being able to astral travel any more. i know someone who did this. come back to me when you take pills because you cant hear the special voices any more; or see the images. it can get mighty worse. i know you're hurting...but you need --- NEED --- to learn a perspective about spiritual path...it isn't easy...to train. And if you don't think of it as training... you don't have a clew. if you think of it as playing...then that is the result you'll get. if you aint training as though you are stepping in the ring with mike Tyson...you don't have a clew. but it is - as always --- up to you. we rise - and fall - to the level of our training - on our worst days. this is simply a wake-up call to you. instead of getting all tore up about your depression and fear --- consider it an opportunity to change it into something positive for yourself. you are seeing how weak you can get --- without having to discover it during Real turmoil. take it as a Portent, cuz - that is what it is. your psyche is giving you a hint, via the depression. period. read tonic for tots. read "intro. to psy", and read "pay attention"; then take a walk. do something in the fresh air; go shopping; do something nice for yourself...perform a random act of kindness, as I mention in "tonic for tots". then....decide if you want to get down to business. If you do - build an etiquette. not for just 1 day - but for a lifetime. then build the protocol for that lifetime. expect failures at first. everything is difficult, at first. Allow the nice memory of that first psychic event -- to be a fun memory. Don't gauge the rest of your Path by that event. you may be sorely disappointed, at first. and the 'at first' - could be many yrs. I'm telling you this ---- because you need to hear possible reality. "possible". only you can make it false - or true. Blessing be
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