hi everyone, just need to get this out (not that it makes it any better, but atleast i know that ppl have heard me) recently, one of the staff (there are only two) at volunteerings job was done, she left to go somewhere else. they said that they werent replacing her, as we dont have the money. well, i find out yesterday that two other volunteers had said that they would do her job. when i found out i was so upset. I hadnt even known they were looking for someone or else i would have asked if i could help... i do alot of the things entailed in the job already, i was doing volunteer stuff, like references, training new volunteers, all that crap, alot of admin stuff etc, so its not like i dont know what i would have to do, and not like i dont have the time right?? so anyways, i was really upset about it, i feel like they think im good enough to do all the crap jobs and stuff, but not good enough to do a "real" job, whether its on a volunteer basis or not!!! i mean, everyone is always saying, ask suzy she knows, or get suzy to do it, she is really good at it etc.. so much so that someone actually had the nerve to knock on the group room while i was in group to ask for help (i said no, but i mean, doesnt that show who they think knows stuff???) im pretty much the longest volunteer there, except for a couple others but the one comes in once every second week.. im in there twice a week, well, but before i was in sometimes 3 times a week, and would do two shifts, because we couldnt find ppl to volunteer!! so anyways, these other volunteers, that offered to do it, yes, one of them comes regularily the other one as well, but the latter, is a new volunteer, shes only been with us for a few months, ever since shes come, shes taken over like you wouldnt believe, and yes, i resent it, as ive been here so much longer, and seen ppl come and go, problems happen etc.. anyways, that just sounds petty on my part im sure, but its how i feel.
so yesterday, me and my freind, who now volunteers one shift a week with me (the person that i usually does the two shifts a week with me, and was the longest volunteer, isnt coming back to volunteering, which im so sad about ) when in and voiced our concerns about it, and well, i dont know if they did this to just mollify the situation, or to make themselves feel less guilty, but they decided that i would be the volunteer coordinator.. well, yeah, that sounds awsome, but at the same time, its alot of work, and i looked at my friend, and she is how about we do it jointly? so we are going to do it together. the other person kept saying that i would do it, and my freind be the like assistant, and i kept saying, but thats not what it is, we are doing it TOGETHER.. she was just so stubborn and said well that doesnt sound right, i said, but thats what it is, so please put it in, finally i think she understood that i wasnt going to change my mind, and why should i? if we are doing it together, then its not one helping the other, we are working on it all together. so anways, thats whats going to be happening, but the thing is, i really dont know if they were just trying to fix what they had screwed up (yesterday before i went in, i was so angry, that i was ready to just go in, pick up my paycheck from cleaning, and say im done, im not coming back) was also going to stop going to group, seeing paula, and ali, but my freind talked me out of all that thank god.
well, now i have more things to deal with other than my back... (oh btw,.im going to see an osteopath today, hopefully to get relief from the pain in my jaw) well, yesterday, i started on a new meal plan that my friend and i worked on... (she also has an ed, and knows how frusterated ive been, and asked if i would like help with it) so i was sitting down eating my soup at supper, and all of a sudden i was in so much pain in my teeth that i thought i was gonna pass out! i thought, ok, mabey it was just a flook, so i took another bit (ok, keep in mind, its vegetable soup, the vegetables dont even require much chewing, and the soup by this time was luke warm) and extreme pain again, so i didnt even finish it. when i got home, i went to eat my snack, took one bite of a bran bar, and i ended up in so much pain that went on for hours, that im even afraid to eat at all! so im eating just my ensure, and protein shakes, and not anything that requires chewing. im afraid to say anything, i dont want to have to go to the dentists again.. i mean i was just there like less than 3 weeks ago for my check up, and there was nothing wrong with my teeth, so i know its not cavities or whatnot, and i dont want her poking around, it hurts too much. so anyways thats where im at... i have to get going, i see ali today, after 6 months, im so nervous, then i have to go to the osteopath. my friend is going to meet me there, and go in with me, because she knows that i dont like doctors, plus the fact that i dont like ppl touching me. im sorry i didnt join the buddy chat this month, i just felt as if i wouldnt really be a very good partner, ill try again for november though.. and im also sorry i havent been on the boards or in chat, with my back, i cant sit much at the computer, and i just dont have the energy, so ive been spending alot of time just laying on the couch or in bed... i think of you all so much though, please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers... luv suzy
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