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Things My Mother Taught Me

BOWING20ANGEL.jpg BOWING%20ANGEL.jpg picture by mokijune

I OWE MY MOTHER
~~~~~~~~~~~~

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION
.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL
.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC
.
" Because I said so, that's why."
!
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC
.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT
.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY
.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS
.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM
.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA
.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER
.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY
.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE
.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY
.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION
.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING
.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE
.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP
.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR
.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT
.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS
.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS
.
"Shut that door behind you.  Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM
.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE
.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you"

                                              M.N.Raentree with graphics from the public domain.  All rights reserved.