WINDZ OF CHANGES

yup once again drama in my life that i sooooo do not need. albert and i were laying in bed and he starts off by saying ive been wrestling with this and didnt know if this is the right time (well hello then why the hell bring it up now?) so i was like what, so he goes on to tell me that the ymca asked if he would go work there, as an employee not just a volunteer. so he was thinking ok this is like moving up in a good direction for work, except for the fact that hed probably only get mabey 8 hours a week, were as at his job he has now he gets atleast 16 a week, and at the y theyve been hiring and then letting ppl go.. the work entails alot of computer work which albert is by no means proficiant at at all... i was just trying to get him to see that at the job he has now they do alot for him (they give him money to buy a bus pass, he gets to get stuff for free,) they gave him money to come and see me when i was in the hospital, anytime he needed anythign or time off boom it was there.. im trying to be supportive but i do not see this as a step up i see it as a step down. he is always saying how much he loves his job, now he wants to quit it. im just so upset my tummy is going full force so of course now i cant eat anything cause im too upset, and then to top it all off, albert helped out this guy yesterday to paint, and the guy was supposed to pay him ten bucks an hour, well i guess he asked albert to help him again today at 8:30 and i told albert you have work today you cant just blow them off just because its a volunteer day they depend on you, so he gets all mad at me, and well long story short guess he got screwd out of the money he should have gotten for helping this guy out, which has happend wth some other person before and i dont understand why albert doestn get it, that ppl are just using him they see him coming and see sucker written on his forehead or something. im trying to be supportive of him but i know that with the job he has now its a steady income, we know he'll get atleast the money he gets now, with the other there is no garentee of how many hours if any he would get, and i dont know if he can even do the job, i wish i didnt doubt that but i just do anyways, so im just upset and cant deal with my feelings, especially my tummy its just so upset and i have to keep running to the bathroom. i know once our families hear if he plans to do this that my mom for one is going to start at ME and say that hes being stupid etc, but i cant stop him from doing things you know what i mean ? i just tried to tell him ok, this is how i see it, and i also told him my concerns about money, how we bascially dont have any now, and he wants to take this job that will be less hours..... hes told me his dad keeps saying if we ever need anything to let him know and i asked albert do you think he would lloan us the money to pay off our credit cards (we were stupid before and used them, we dont use them anymore just to pay off) and that way we could pay him and wouldnt just be payin the interest while the other balance is still really high, and hes like i guess i could see, but i know that was just hot air.. it just makes me so mad he doesnt seem to care about any of this. then last night i couldnt sleep so i was on the computer and i wanted a choc bar and i was breaking it up and he starts yelling at me what am i doing and i said i couldnt sleeep so i was on the computer and he was like what was that noise i said i was breaking up a choc bar and he was like it sounded like you were hitting yourself grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr im just so upset i dont know what to do, my friend is like you guys need to sit down and talk about this, how can i do that when all he sees is they want him to work there and that would be cool.. i try to tell him but we will be making less money and you dont have any garenteed hours etc, and anyways, im just upset and besides myself and i dont know what to do, now im even debating should we go on our trip if its going to be like this? i know for sure my ed symptoms are going to go right through the roof, well i proved that yesterday by cancelling my appt, i feel like i should stop all my appts and use that money to start paying off bills or atleast try. albert just doestn get it where money is concerned he just says dont worry about it but how can i NOT worry about it?? we dont have enough of it as it is... now this morning he wakes me up and is like so what time are we going tonight and i was like i thought you were going to help that guy and hes like yeah but he wanted to pick me up at 8:30 and ihave to go to work (least he kept that responsibility) so i dont know if the guy is goign to get him to help him later but i doubt it, so theres 40 bucks the guy was supposed to pay him for helping him and he wont see a cent.. this isnt the first time alberts helped soeoene and they havent paid him, he did it before and they kept saying they would pay him later and never did. he says this one guy wants him to help do all this stuff been saying it for a year and does it ever happen no, and even if it did, he'd prob get stiffed for the money. it just makes me so mad, and then i get mad at myself that if my anxiety wasnt so bad i should go and get a job and that way i could get the bills paid off but i know that disability would just take the money off our check anyways, and right now i just dont even want to leave my house.. albert thinks we are goign to the movies tonight but im just going to tell him no i dont want to go, yeah gonna be another f'ing yelling match here but i dont even care right now i just cant handle all this crap.

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WINDZ OF CHANGES	[email protected]