The Key
a pain in my heart so intense, so sure I am dying
but no, it's only anxiety inside me making me ill
I try to outrun the fears but I cannot run fast enough
and they catch up wiht me and make me cry out in pain
why must I live this way, why does it have to be me
what have I done that I deserve this
giving me greif and anger and hate for myself
and feel I must punish myself again and again
take the pills, stuff down the food, slide the blade across my skin
I feel as if I'll always lose, I will never win
my head says it will all go away, if only I were thin
but I know that's a lie but one I want to believe
I want to be skinny mabey that will chase away the fears
of all the talk around me, which they don't think that I can hear
but I can see in their faces as I pass them in the street
an unwanted soul, one that sometimes is ready to give up the fight
for a life that seems so pointless in my own mind
I hold out my hand begging for someone to grab on
and pull me out of the dark hole I think I am in
a hole only I can seem to see, and invisable cage with no bars only a lock
and the key is deep inside me, and I cannot find it
it's lost amid my fears and emotions
one day they key will show itself to me and I can release
myself from this pain, this life I am in.
Suzy-Lynn Veenboer
july 24th, 2007