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| | (3 recommendations so far) | Message 1 of 15 in Discussion |
| From:  crispleaves (Original Message) | Sent: 10/10/2005 8:51 PM |
At dusk
waters lapping upon the shore,
a gull flies high
above white nesting cliffs
lost in the rain.
At midnight,
beyond the salty swell of sea,
a lioness wanders hungry
in the barren wastes,
her amber eyes in dream
of vibrant foliage
and sleeping cubs.
A long, slow passing of time
as seagulls circle inland,
as the sun rises and the sky blushes
and a lioness in brisk pace
crosses a scented field
of red poppy.
A long, slow easeful time
as pearls of perspiration thread
serpentine trails
over porcelain skin,
unravelling the stillness
as spring trembles alive in winter snow.
Within a room is heard
the rustling of leaves
and a child in the garden
is at play with a yellow Labrador.
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Hi Pip, This is very good, I like the descriptiveness to this - lots of images to work with. Emma |
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There's a lot more to this than meets the eye methinks....my first thought was 'childhood memories'...but that's too obvious...then I tried the good ol' 'dream sequence' theory but that was just too easy.......you're a clever chappy Pip, I'll admit I can't quite get to the bottom of this...but I'll give you a recommendation anyway...simply because I've never seen a seagull AND a lioness AND a Labrador together in one poem ever before. This is good Pip, I just wish I knew why..... : )lb |
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Apologies lb, nothing clever, just obscure (my wife said so!) The write was intended to be about loss and renewal through love-making.
Thank you Emma. I seem to recall a predator lying in wait in the garden of one of your poems :0)
Hope this link works...
http://hs.riverdale.k12.or.us/~dthompso/art/marc/gallery/ |
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| | | From: Zydha | Sent: 10/13/2005 6:36 AM |
Like lb, Pip, I had difficulty encompassing the creatures with the moment, but with insight of your inspiration, I have now enjoyed this piece even more. An excellent use of metaphors, Zy |
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Thank you Zydha. Delivers on the personal level, fails the leap to language crafted for communication, but perhaps engages with some prose and pic props :0)
Pip
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Hi Pip good work i thought each stanza was a season of the year - but after re-re-reading i don't think so any more couldn't get the yellow Lab to fit m |
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Thank you for stopping by m and apologies for my late reply. The 'labrador' was to 'ground' the poem.
cheers
Pip |
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Excellent poem, Pip - I've come back to re-read (my time on here is limited until i get my own lappie up and wi fied!).
The juxtaposed images are tied nicely together by the down to earth child and dog. I shall give it a recommendation, too! Ann |
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Thank you Ann. My internet access on my home computer is in limbo at the moment. My work's access is limited. Websense doesn't always allow me on this site! Must be lb's poems :0)
Pip |
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| | | From: Zydha | Sent: 11/1/2005 5:39 PM |
Hy Pip, if you see this, I ad the devil of a time getting internet access and then actually getting into msn. Was able to read corner but couldn't sign in nor open my email, but I fell back on 'System Restore' and by going back a couple of days...all is well. This is not the first time msn has given me problems of entry, but 'System Restore' always solves it (as long as you remember what date you last got in, lol )Zy |
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| This message has been deleted due to termination of membership. |
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Thanks for the help Zydha.
Appreciate you taking time to comment Clive. One of my faults is lack of clarity and if poems don't communicate then what is the point of posting? Pleasing to know there was something in this to engage the reader.
Pip |
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| This message has been deleted due to termination of membership. |
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