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| | (4 recommendations so far) | Message 1 of 8 in Discussion |
| | From: LittleBill (Original Message) | Sent: 10/31/2005 8:01 PM |
She’s a good girl -
he approves of her flat
black no nonsense patent
leather shoes and he can
smell the Bosporous sheen
just below her outward skin.
She brings his order quickly, easily
and for a while he admires her smile
which, makes him feel welcome and
for the briefest moment actually does
touch her eyes. He’s surprised.
His chair is a beige and plush too soft
cushion and he sits strategicaly with
his back to the smooth mahogany counter
with a view of passers by through the large
almost invisible bay window but he
devotes his attention to his mocca first,
freshly ground and steaming hot
and then the girl who is caught
in a mirror above the door
she’s bending, filling the fridge
in the kitchen with open rolls
laden with hams smoked and cooked
and cheeses, salads, puffed pastries.
Her scarlet underwear peeks invitingly out
and over the plumed band of her fake
French maid skirt, sweetening his coffee
the full sway of her gravity induced breasts
reminds him of Newton somehow �?BR>he’s smiling when he leaves
but the tip is lousy and he knows
exactly what she’s thinking but
hey, sorry sweetheart,
you have the prettiest eyes and
I love the underwear
yet your coffee is thin
and you never once offered a refill
say hi to Atta. Auf wiedersehen.
©lb05
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....just did a recount and it seems I have an L over...anyone know where to put it ?
: )lb |
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|  0 recommendations | Message 3 of 8 in Discussion |
| | Sent: 10/31/2005 10:29 PM |
| This message has been deleted due to termination of membership. |
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| | From:  Zydha | Sent: 10/31/2005 11:00 PM |
You 'copped' out, Peter, lol, I read this great piece earlier and went over it and over it again...and can't see where that 'L' is from!!! Nice one, lb, was really in to this and the last six lines cracked me up. Humour aside, a neat little number in all respects, Zed |
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| | | From: Zydha | Sent: 11/1/2005 12:42 AM |
lol, have found where you should have put it, lb. Perhaps you could use another adjective to 'better planned effect'? Or just do a spell check before posting, lol. What a 'cheeky' way to get another reading!!! Zed |
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Enjoyed this lb, some great lines lol - Glad you have your priorities in this - nothing worse than weak coffee and no refills. Emma |
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Almost seedy, nearly decadent, definitely amusing, though the 'Bosporous sheen' hints at a sadder tale. The shift from third person detachment to the first person nicely broke through the venner. Almost cruel.
entertainingly balanced as always lb
Pip
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...thanks poets...only the names have been changed to protect the innocent....
: )lb |
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