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| | From:  makhala334 (Original Message) | Sent: 5/13/2006 12:42 AM |
pantene vase - chantilly lace
i lie - in the dark - vorpal-blade rendered stark - naked
nearer
the blood - i taste - d-r-i-p-ping to rivulet Waste - to disgrace Bay
love
pentene vase - brimmed with hearts - salt to taste
love that was - laaave that waaz
uh
pseudo-steel - was pseudo-real - ready to quasi-castrate - moi?
telltale male - - - - - - - - for sale - - - - - - - cheap? Ah
‘til today i’ve been a sheep - a-sleeeeep
now ready to take that everlasting final l-e-a-p
or faith
‘hic
crash
did anyone take out the trash?
has he received his forehead - - - - - - - ash
hmmmmmmmmmmmm
[is he paper-trained??]
[oo - he looks - - - - - - - so-pained]
[snigger . . . . . . . ]
snicker-snack
[agh - someone has said - - - - - - he’s been to war]
[and]
[that’s why he’s - - - - - - - - stranger]
[can you believe - a baby killer - - - - - - - in our mist]
[[that’s ‘midst - deary]]
[oh - what - -ever!]
uh
pantene heart vase - red chantilly lace
regards,
m
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| | | From: Zydha | Sent: 5/13/2006 9:30 AM |
Wow, Mikhail.... questions...is this remembering a time at war? Commemorative of a time past with a 'broken heart' driven to distraction? Such pain and reflection in this piece, with a touch of 'self-destruction'. Whichever or none, this has a haunting 'jabberwokky' feel to it and Lewis Carroll's writing comes to mind, but at the same time as being supposition, these words do have a compelling fascination in their composition. You really are a master of metaphors and I shall be back to read this more, Zy |
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| | | From: Zydha | Sent: 5/13/2006 10:03 AM |
Mikhail, my family were also drawn in by this piece and we have been having a friendly debate, lol...your work is so well known in my home. We now read this in yet another direction of possibility, where the man has come to his senses and is ready to move on from his docile postion of acceptance, after the 'death' of a relationship where he was metaphorically (use of psuedo) cut to pieces. That's a quick reply 'cos breakfast is on the table and a garage waits to be totally turned out. But....we shall all be back later, Zy |
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hy Zy �?and fam,
thank you all for taking the time to read and comment on this piece
i added the borrowed ‘vorple blade�?and ‘snicker-snack�?from dear Lewis Carol �?because i love his work �?particularly jabberwocky �?and �?because of the surreal nature of my state-of-mind in writing this
first - this piece means more than i know �?since it comes from somewhere inside me that i am rarely completely in touch with �?- second �?it is much more important what the reader takes from any poem than what the writer has put into it -
however �?from my mind to yours �?�?the root of this piece is what going to war (in a position where folks are actively killing each other) does to gentle people caught in it �?in this case - a gentle man
the ‘self destruction�? sense of being naked, and ‘broken hearts�?�?are only small examples of the fallout of participation in government-sponsored, legalised murder called ‘war�?�?for the warriors �?particularly gentle ones
there are simple pains of gentle folks in this as well �?e.g., the problem of gentle being seen as weak/strange - - quietness seen as mysterious and ‘stranger�?�?given that folks can assume the worst about quiet people - - the problem for gentle men approaching women/dating �?and, of course, the destructive nature of name-calling and rumour - etc.
‘mist�?was added as a verbal error �?to reflect on the ignorance of those folks making the negative assumptions about quiet/gentle people �?and to add a sense of the fog that is created by loneliness �?gentleness �?the agony of knowing battle �?and seeing fellow humans parish in most horrible ways �?thus the connection to red chantilly lace �?and �?hearts-to-taste
besides �?chantilly lace - was part of a line of one of my favourite songs as a teen �?as well as being beautiful artwork in fabric
lastly - pantene was the first word that came to me a this piece unfolded from my inner poet
sorry for the random nature of these comments �?hope it is intelligible �?and that it does not take away from what this piece means to you
from my heart �?to Zydha, her family, and anyone else reading this
mikhail
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post scripts:
'crash' is depression
'taking out the trash' - is the sense of worthlessness the warrior can feel after the war
the 'forehead ash' if - of course the attempt of religion to heap on the guilt - which for some - is a required ritual - which - ultimately makes things worse
etc.,
m
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| | | From: Zydha | Sent: 5/13/2006 2:50 PM |
Aahh...being fair to Sacha and David, I am so much more familiar with your work, and 'I did' take the 'war' aspect in relativity, but I let them sidetrack me, lol....it's always like that in this house (different viewpoints). With your synopsis in mind, this really is quite a work of art in associated thinking, and a sympathetique piece as well, Mikhail, but it was not as obscure as my family made it seem with their conclusions....they just enjoyed and were carried away with their debating and discussion inspired by my reading it to them, but thanks...and yes....I enjoyed The Big Bopper singing that song too (way back then), Zy |
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i'm honoured that you would share my work with your family Zy
makes me feel like it is possible that there is something there
m
P.S. - your family could be right and both of us could be mistaken - my inner poet has a way of saying what they wish to say through my pen
P.P.S - also - the 'hic' is for all those veterans who cope or escape by using drugs and/or alcohol |
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| | | From: Zydha | Sent: 7/9/2006 11:11 PM |
I have so enjoyed reading this complex piece once again only with the direction of your muse taking my hand from replies this time, Mikhail. There is a feeling of having stepped inside your thoughts and memories here, a fabulously compelling and very modern piece, Zy |
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