| | | He could see it almost as clear as the day, Christina going down on the likes of Drew Stevenson. I don't have anything against Drew. Sure, he has defeated me twice in the past two months, but I don't hold any sort of grudge against him. It really has nothing to do with who Christina slept with, but moreso the fact that she did sleep with someone. Not only that, but it was almost like she did it just to hurt me, just to get a rise. She didn't even try to deny it, just rubbed it in my face.
I suppose she learned from last time though. The Chris Burden incident still hadn't left my mind, though I told her many times that it was behind me. The truth is, I never got past it, and I never fully trusted her again. Now, this. True, we're not even together, but it's like we are on reserve. It's like we're still waiting for the other to apologize, and for everything to be okay again.
She has a certain type of grip over me. The type of grip that even when we aren't together, I still feel like I shouldn't touch any other woman...I still feel guilty when I check out some other chick, and I would still feel like I was cheating if I ever slept with someone else. The truth? I'm still in love with her, I always have been, and in my eyes, no other woman other than Christina, would ever satisfy me. I thought we shared the same mindset, and I thought she felt the same way I did.
We've been together off and on for about a year now. We've broken up, had our arguments, strayed away from one another, but at the end of the day it was always supposed to be me and her together. At the end of the day, we always ahred the same feelings for one another, and we always found our way back. It was a regular ol' romance novel, and I'll be the first to admit it's been hard, but being with her was always worth it. I always thought the love we shared was neverending, no matter what happened.
But there's only so much that one person can take.
Not once, but twice, she had slept with someone other than me. Those are just the ones I know about. Am I being selfish? If I am tell me now. But when you say you love someone, I'm pretty sure it means you won't sleep with other people when times get rough. To me, love doesn't mean you go off and screw the first guy you see when things go a bit sour.
I mean, I held off. I didn't sleep with anyone else, I didn't even touch anyone. I thought about it, but everytime I got somewhere close, all I saw was her face. I could never bring myself to do so. If she really felt the same way about me, that I feel about her, then wouldn't she be able to wait, as well? If she really did love me, the way she said she once did, then wouldn't she have seen my face before she fucked Drew? Knowing our history, knowing all of the things I have told her in the past year, knowing that I would never lie, wouldn't she know that I still felt the same way I did when I first saw her? I told her I could never stop loving her, and I meant it. Which is more than I can say for her.
The only reason she would even think about doing the things she does, the only way she wouldn't revert to her previous behavior before she met me, is if she really doesn't feel the same way as she did before. It's as simple as that, really. Nowadays, forever doesn't last very long.
All I can picture is her and Drew together. Ever since Scott let it slip out of his mouth, and Christina confirmed it, it's been imprinted in my mind. It keeps playing over and over again, like I'm replaying my mistakes in an attempt to fix them. But this time, I can't, because it truth, it was nothing I did. Meanwhile, I'm being ripped apart by images of them together. I can't take it.
Put me in a cage match, and I'll fight to the end to get out of that damn cage. Put me in an inferno match, and that fire won't be able to touch me. Put me in a fuckin' casket match, and I'll be damned if you ever see that lid come down upon me.
But I can't take someone toying with me for sheer entertainment.
I'm not some light switch you can just turn on and off whenever you want, and if anyone thinks otherwise, then I'd have no problem with introducing your face to the concrete. Let's make one thing clear, I've sat by and watched this whole thing go down time and time again, but its getting a bit old. I'm done being toyed with, and frankly, I'm tired. I'm not going to spend my life waiting for someone to love me.
I walked through the double doors, and some man in a suit tipped his hat to me. Most of the BUD stars had come to the grandest hotel in Anchorage, Alaska once arriving here for this weeks Hangover. I, myself, was staying here, as well. I had just come backe from a local bar actually, though I didn't really have anything to drink. I needed a clear head for what I planned on doing.
Reaching into my pocket, I could feel the gold band on my fingertips. I had gone later in the year, because I could feel the moment happening. I didn't care what happened with this Burden kid, and our arguments only brought us closer in the end. There would never be another woman that I would love as much as Christina Gellar, and I knew that. Christina had been married before, by I had never tied the knot. But, if I was ever going to get married in my life, then it would have to be to her. There would be no other.
I walked upto the front desk and asked, "Excuse me, what room is Christina Gellar staying in?" The woman instantly began typing on the computer in front of her. I knew Christina was staying here, so if this woman tried to tell me otherwise, then I would know she was lying.
Fortunantly, she returned my question with a smile, "Room 231. Should I phone her to see if she's in?" She picked up the phone before I answered.
I quickly waved my hand in front of her, hoping she hadn't dialed the number just yet. "No, no, that's not nessecary...it's somewhat of a surprise." She nodded, and put the phone back down.
I began my asscent to the second floor. I didn't feel like taking the elevator. No, the stairs would go much faster. I reached into my other pocket, feeling around for the small envelope. It was addressed to Christina, though I'm sure when she found it inside her room, she would know it was for her. I thought about turning back, but anger, happiness, love, hate...it all drove me to press forward.
I was on the second floor, now comes the deed of actually finding the room. Following the numbers never hurt anyone. Christina and Zarek would have to work together tomorrow night, but afterwards, they could just go back to pretending they didn't know each other. She requested a match on Valentime's Day against him, and that was fine. They would be able to get all of their frustrations out against each other once and for all, one on one. No Drew Stevenson involved. Ugh...Drew...there was that image again.
228...229...230...231. Here it was. Unless she was out screwing another guy, she was behind this door. I pressed myself up against the door. Maybe I would be able to feel her presence behind it, but there was nothing. There was a time that I would have been able to tell if she was here, just by walking through the front door of the hotel. But now, I almost felt nothing.
I pulled the engagement ring out of my pocket and looked it at. It symbolized everything I despised at the moment. It symbolized the chains she held me in, and how I couldn't break free if my life depended on it. They were cutting into my wrists, and sooner or later, if I didn't get out, I would be dead. It was the cage that she put me in from the very beginning. I hated seeing her face everytime I thought about someone else. She had obviously moved on, and I think it's fair for me to try and do the same. Atleast try.
I dropped the ring into the envelope, and slid it under her door. As I walked away, I told myself I wouldn't look back, and it took every inch of me not to. It was a bittersweet moment. I watched the elevator doors begin to open, and heard the ding as they closed behind me. A sigh.
...I'm done. | | |
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