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| | From:  teaz2plzzz (Original Message) | Sent: 11/26/2008 12:38 AM |
Occasionally a topic will stick in my mind and I try to work through it in an essay format. I have close to 20 of them on my forum and 20-30 more that are too private to be read lol. The following topic can be a bit touchy and for those who don't care to share I do understand. Right now the essay I am writing is about jealousy. This topic fascinates me for a couple of reasons. The major one being that I am reasonably sure I have never felt jealousy, I base this on observation of others in jealous states and my knowledge thus far of what jealousy entails. The second reason being that it bothers me to see others I care about torn up by jealousy. I would gratly appreciate some input for my research. I am looking for two things: 1. Emotions you have felt while jealous ie: anger, fear, envy 2. Things that you believe may have triggered jealousy for you ie: cheating, past relationships, self esteem I would value any and all comments on this topic and please in your reply state wheter or not I may quote you. You can view my public essays and even some of the research material I am amassing for this one at my Aimoo forum Thank you in advance and I look forward to the replies teaz |
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Dear teaz: After the discussion we had it is going to be difficult to stay within the framework of your post and I’ll do My best to not ramble. Maybe another time we can discuss this in the context of D/s. 1) Emotions you have felt while jealous ie: anger, fear, envy First off, I’ve learned that jealousy is a waste of emotional energy that, left unchecked, can become debilitating. Rather than being a singular emotion, it is a collection of emotions �?fear, anger, hurt, etc. The intensity of these feelings are the culmination of distortions in how I perceive Myself and the conditions of My life. Beyond the feelings of anger, hurt, and fear I have felt a sense of injustice, betrayal, and the impotence of “how could you!�?nbsp; Now whether or not these are emotions is certainly debatable as they all are grounded in anger, hurt, and fear. I think that what we consider to be jealousy is a seemingly unending swirl of those three that we assign different terms, interpretations, and importance to. 2) Things that you believe may have triggered jealousy for you ie: cheating, past relationships, self esteem The most significant episode of jealousy in My life was brought on by an incident of infidelity by My former spouse. With the benefit of hindsight I can look back at it now as one of the greatest opportunities in My life to become who I am today. It is hard to even imagine Myself back then compared to now. The sense or feeling of betrayal was a combination of hurt, fear, and anger �?all of which I truly did not deserve. These feelings were reasonable based on the actions of My former spouse. What became unreasonable, destructive, and a waste was how these feelings overwhelmed My daily living. Of course these feelings were fed by My investment in the act of her betrayal which was at times all consuming. It was like being in the middle of the deep end of the pool and not being able to grab hold of the ladder or sides �?just a constant attempt to keep My head above water. My self esteem was definitely affected, My sense of worth as well as what direction to take in My life. One mistake I made was to give My spouse more understanding than I gave Myself. This was self-defeating in that it required Me to look at things through the distorted perceptions of her eyes, about Me, the conditions of our life together, and the expectations I placed on Myself. The lesson learned was that I am a very understanding human being but it does not mean that I must tolerate or accept things that erode My quality of life. Another mistake was attempting to make things better for My former spouse. In hindsight I can see that several of My core values or beliefs were tested and changed by this “give till it hurts,�?nbsp; “love will conquer all,�?and “all people are capable of changing.�?nbsp; As much as these concepts were part of My positive self-identity and worth then, to challenge and modify them was empowering without the loss of self esteem. If anything, the changes in perception led to a more rational and healthier foundation for self-esteem. Having gone through this episode in My life I adopted two important beliefs I live by now �?1) Never waste your goodness and beauty on those who do not value it, and 2) Let people be, don’t try to change them �?don’t try to open their eyes unless you can guarantee that you have something better to offer than the misery they choose to gallivant in (Kazantzakis). You raise this point somewhat in your post and we discussed it in the room �?jealousy is often recognized by the behavior that results from My fear, hurt, and anger over the actions or conditions of another person. On this point I would say that while I am still capable of “feeling�?jealous I have learned how not to act on it in self-defeating or destructive ways. Some might misinterpret it as indifference while it is actually an active process of maintaining a balanced and reality based perspective of life events. I would say that this episode and the changes I made had a profound effect on My life in general and was the catalyst for moving from being someone who practiced kink and BDSM into a more formal and structured involvement in D/s. The act of having someone significant to Me being sexual with someone else morphed from the insanity of jealousy into something that is a great pleasure and avenue to intimacy. I hope this is what you were looking for
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Hiya teaz  I'll apologise in advance in case i have trouble staying on topic hehe. Like most people probably, my first experience with jealousy from a relationship standpoint was with my first long term Lover/Master. He was and probably still is a very jealous Man. Someone coming up to me in public to ask the time or for directions would be considered 'stepping on his turf' and would usually result in an angry accusation from him...or more. It probably goes without saying that i'm really not a fan of that brand of jealousy. For myself, i dont often feel jealous so much. I do feel possessive however. I think the two are maybe different sides of the same coin. Watching someone else try their luck with what i would consider mine is kind of an aphrodisiac for me. There's a lovely pang that seems to feed the possessive little creature inside me and enough trust in my relationship to keep it on the fun side of play. Another fun relationship ended for me eventually because of jealousy oddly enough...or my lack of it. A man i'd been seeing on and off for close to a year completely lost it with me because when he hinted that some girl he worked with might try to hit on him at his company christmas party my first response was to ask if she was cute and then if she liked girls. His anger over the fact that i hadn't responded the way a 'normal' girlfriend would caused an argument and opened pandora's box for what would ultimately kill even the friendship. I'm not sure i'm even making sense but i'd liken it to the difference between someone admiring my necklace and me offering to lend it to them as opposed to trying to slip it from my neck when i'm not looking. There have been times and will continue to be times where for reasons that honestly probably have more to do with my own insecurities than anything else, i will slip into the less than pretty side of jealous. I can be petty and a bit childish and want to ask for silly assurances. Thankfully these episodes are usually few and far between and the person involved is clever enough to see through the tantrum. i'm really sorry if this has ended up as pure gobbeldygook  hopefully some of it makes sense. |
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| | | From: şyđney | Sent: 12/4/2008 11:22 AM |
Jealousy is a really interesting topic to explore and I really enjoyed reading Shifting Wind’s piece, one I could relate to in many ways. I think jealousy can manifest itself for many different reasons. Jealousy finds its way between friendships, relationships, and even within familial bonds. It has the power to overwhelm all rational thought and include an array of other emotions such as anger, resentment, sadness and fear. I don’t think I have experienced jealousy of others until the ending of my last relationship. Before that, I never gave much thought to my partner finding another. I just believed the person was with me because they wanted to be and saw emotions such as jealousy counter-productive to the relationship. If I had an issue, I would talk about it and the matter would be resolved for the most part. I didn’t walk around with doubt or anxiety. And I have to say I never felt jealous of a friend. I tend to be around people I consider intelligent and thoughtful; I don’t care about material acquisitions, and if I see someone who posses charm and grace, I admire and appreciate those qualities, not feel threatened by them.
But my ability to remain level headed in a relationship was greatly challenged in the last experience I had with a Man. It was never really a healthy relationship to begin with. And I know I have talked about this experience in past writing so forgive me for re-visiting it once again here, but I feel it is very pertinent to the subject-matter we are discussing. Like Shifting Wind, the person I was with was unfaithful and lied about his unfaithfulness for a very long time. Of course it was not a marriage and he and I never met; regardless, for me it was a very important commitment. The depth of my devotion to him was unlike anything I had before experienced with a person and I think that is what made the heartbreak harder to bear. I had no frame of reference for what was happening to me. In fact, I had complete faith in him, even when others told me their opinions. It wasn’t until he told me himself he had playmates for months that I finally crashed.
When I was finally told the truth, I wanted to know more. I wanted to know everything. Circumstance I think plays a large part on how jealousy manifests within a psyche and I think in my case, I had been living with doubt for a long time, and when I confronted him about it he had a plethora of excuses to draw upon and if those didn’t work he resulted to screaming insults. It was enough to keep me quiet a little longer. But when I was faced with the truth, I began to hunger for all of it. I wanted to know who they were, what their names were, how long it had been going on. Did it happen on the same nights he had been with me? It went on and on. I was told later he was in a new relationship with one of the girls he had been with. I was crushed further. Who was she? Why her? How could you?? The very same questions Sir asked himself. One really does feel rejected, cast aside, humiliated, angry, enraged, and in the end a bit lost. It is a major jolt to one’s sense of reality when the person they truly love has betrayed them in the most unimaginable ways. And I am not sure anyone is really prepared for something like that in life.
So the emotions take over while rational behavior takes a back seat. I found myself thinking things that actually scared me. I could see myself from the outside and was disgusted with how obsessed I was. I would try to talk myself out of it, “STOP STOP, move on, he’s a jerk who cares???�? Well, unfortunately, I think it takes a while to come back from that dark place once you give in to it. The insecurities I had multiplied and I realized that my worth had been entirely measured by whether this man was happy with me or not. And when he left, I saw myself as the biggest failure to walk the earth. I wanted to die.
It took a lot of time and hard work to will myself out of that negative place. And I really thought I had come through the other side of it, until his new girl started appearing everywhere online. I remember sitting there stunned. I had spent a great deal of effort making sure I didn’t see her or him. Hiding had really worked for me up to that point. And there she was, right in front of me, and I had to face it. All of the irrational thoughts came flooding back. I seethed as I watched her talk, decided I hated her (even though I didn’t know her at all) and I wanted revenge sooo bad I could hardly breathe. In my mind it was bad enough the man I loved cheated on me and left me for another, but now I had to see her?? It felt like another insult and humiliation I was unwilling to endure. Somehow I did though. And as I sat there controlling every insane urge to confront her, I was talking myself through the emotions. And I came to the following conclusion: It was not her fault - she never knew the man she was getting to know was in a relationship. She wasn’t coming to the rooms I was in to torment me, she had no idea who I was. Truth be told, she actually seemed like a nice girl �?smart and funny. She was not the problem. I had to deal with my feelings of rejection and get over what happened, plain and simple. And I am still dealing with these feelings. I am still trying to bury a lot of the irrational emotions and see them for what they are �?they are just feelings, they do not have to rule my life. There comes a point when sitting there stewing serves you no purpose and you have to make the decision to live again. There is really no other way to heal.
It is interesting to look at all of this from an objective eye; especially, when two seconds ago you were in the throes of a jealous conniption. I feel slightly more able to study it, understand it, and slowly a day at a time let go and move on. I do believe some of our worst heartaches happen to set us on a new path, a better one. And whether we embrace that opportunity depends greatly on how open we are to change versus stasis. Sometimes the only thing you can do to get over an emotion, such as jealousy, is grab your demon right by the shoulders and look it dead in the eye without flinching. Dare yourself to be bold, see your worth and realize you are better than some pointless bit of self-pity. Like SW Sir said to me, sometimes you just have to fug it. *smiles*
Jealousy is horrible though, as are her sister emotions. I hated being in that place but I think being aware is really the key to most of our happiness - awareness of the underlying issues that fuel Jealousy and vow to work on them and realizing your own personal worth. One thing that helped me (as silly as it sounds) was looking in the mirror and seeing myself reflected back to me without that reflection filtered through his approval. It’s an empowering feeling to see yourself and be at peace with the person you are.
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Dear teaz My good Friend Shifting Wind opened a door in his response to your inquiry that I had not revisited for quite some time. I've long realized that I'm not the jealous type; I just can't be bothered with that expenditure of emotion over someone who appears not to value what We share. Like devils wish, I do presume to be possessive, in that though I'm willing to share, it must be done with my permission and only with that portion or specific act that I'm willing to share (you make plenty of sense to me, dev!). But how did I get to be this way? In my case it goes back to my childhood, recalling my mother slecting which one of her three children she was going to awaken and invite to have breakfast with her. My mom never cared much for cooking, but on Saturdays she liked having croissants or sticky buns with eggs and bacon, and coffee. So one of us, usually my sister (she was the only girl?) would get to eat with her. My brother and I could come down later and have cereal. Jealous? Yeah, that made me jealous, because my sister got to enjoy not only the food but my mother's time, and boy I wanted to change that. Well, simply put, there was no changing I could do save for changing how I reacted. I learned that we don't treat everyone the same, no matter what familial words are wrapped around it; yes, parents have a favorite, and on any given day you may or may not be it. So wasting my time and energy on jealousy was just that, a waste. Many years later, by the time I learned that my fiance was being fucked by my married best friend, who happened to live in her same apartment building, it sealed the deal on my use for jealousy. I wanted to kill them both, and some of the things I did to each of them, individually, I'm not proud of to this day. Revenge can clear the psyche, though! So we grow and learn from these experiences, we add to the satchel that each of us carries, and I sense that those of us with the least heavy satchel once we reach Judgement Day, will be rewarded, by and by. I trust those I'm in relationship with until they give me a reason not to. Then I act accordingly. By the way, I get along marvelously with my sister and brother to this day, what happened when we were children was not caused by them. And any choices I disagree with that my parents made are tempered by the knowledge that my son will have his own disagreements with my parenting skills. My goal is not to make the "mistakes" my parents made; I'm free to make my own. Yes, the others who responded are correct, you can not talk about jealousy (nods to SW on his astute definitions!) without looking into the whole morass of your existence. Hell, I could touch upon my feelings of "jealousy" over my treatment as a Black man in America; versus how white people were treated. The upscale, professional opportunity I was denied in Minneapolis because the executive feared that I would date white girls (he had a college age daughter), the position in Indiannapolis I was denied because they had never had a black person in that role before. (sighs) But those days are behind us, we live in a country that has enthusiastically elected Barack Obama to the Presidency. You live and you can choose to learn. And I choose to limit the ways in which I will be jealous over anyone in both my professional and personal life. Sir Ulrich |
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JEALOUSY;
well i have to say that jealousy is a feeling that is common in people..i have seen in my
profession alot of people that have that feeling..it can destroy, it can hurt, it can cause pain, and it can kill..its a feeling and action that has been in the world for along time.. in my case i have seen it and felt it..my ex boyfriend in had been with for 5 years destroyed me while i was fighting cancer..i was losing weight and dealing with my delima as he turned away to another..he couldnt deal with me being sick..it was hurting him and didnt want it in his life.. i was very active and easy going, i had alot to offer, we were talking about marriage at the time i became ill..but that all changed when i found out about my illness..i had a operation and they remove the illness out, but didnt get all of it, because it came back in 4 months..i needed another operation..i was destroyed and scared.. but he turned to another woman instead of me...he looked at me and seen the illness only, it destroyed me so bad i cryed all night long..i seen it in his eyes but hoped he would be strong and deal with it..but it went another direction..another woman.. i was jealous of her, she had the only thing that was secure in my life..she took my sounding board and rock that i had, (it was only in my mind tho)..but i felt betrayed and hurt and tryed to understand what he is feeling..but the other woman wasnt ill..and she had everything to offer i guess. i felt pain and lack of love thathe should of been giving me..i was so jealous that i dropped to 103 pds..it was killing me..for some one that is 5'10 its alot of weight to loose..but i took it and swallowed the pain and went thru my illness alone, besides my daughters was there for me..you see jealousy can bring so much pain, that a person can really get more sicker..it is a feeling that i dont ever want to deal with again..i was never a jealous type, i was care free and happy, but things in life can bring so much pain when you dont expect it, and cause a wave of anger and sorrow.. to this day i look back and think , the next time i fall for a man he has to be strong and know that life can bring so many different things to a person, and you have to deal with it together...its a learning experience for me..and i surived..and cancer free!!!
faith....
you my have permission to publish this letter...* |
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I wanted to thank all of Y/you who have taken the time to respond to this post and I appreciate both the personal aspects and the willingness to share that went into each response I received. I am already working on the essay and will post the finished work both here and in my forum when it is completed. Thank you A/all for the permission to quote some of your work. Touchy subject but one thats well worth discussing. There are probably a hundred different ways this essay could go. I hope you like the final work. Don't be afraid to keep posting, there will always be room for more quotes and/or personal opinions. Love you A/all teaz |
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Dear teaz
i have taken a look in your Aimoo comm, not read everything but i took the jealousy test, and like for you it said
What does your score mean? Most people experience a certain amount of fear that their loved one could leave them for someone else. After all, these things happen, and when they do, it is usually very painful. You, on the other hand, appear to have a complete lack of jealous feelings. (Not complete, i scored a 12) If you were honest with yourself while taking the test, (i sure was) this means that you are extremely secure, strong, and independent.
Secure yes, strong i think so. But certainly not independent... If my loved One would leave me it would not be just very painful - it would lose secureness and strengh altogether.
You know that if your partner ever leaves you, you will survive with your self-esteem and dignity intact. You realize that even though you might love your partner very much, s/he is not the only fish in the sea, and that you would eventually find happiness with someone else.
Héhé good one... They must be kidding me ?
i do not consider myself 100% non jealous, i cannot say i am so selfless.
In my early conversations with Maitre, He asked me if i was a jealous person, and i honestly said : not really, but i might get jealous of the time You don't spend with me. More than 6 years after it's still true, and i think this is very much fuelled by the long distance, when i visit Him it is quite different. Getting so much time with Him and so many opportunities to submit and serve makes the fear for rivality vanish.
When i am thousands of miles away i am more prompt to go to the wrong conclusions : Maitre is online and not paying attention to me : surely He is talking to someone else ! one overlooks His team playing on the TV... Him finishing that work... His ex on the phone... The green eyed monster does that. i have got much better in dealing with those situations hopefully , well after 6 years ya know  ? i don't let myself be torn up by it, it is a willing process.
When i read your post i found it so weird that you would consider yourself 100% immune from jealousy, but the real thing is : even though such feelings can touch us, we don't let them eat at us, as SW said one might "feel" jealous... but not act on it.
Some people don't have that ability to let go and not act on it, the ones that makes you dismayed and prompted your interest for the topic of jealousy as i understood.
Voilà teaz this is what i have come up with yet
Maitre has allowed for my words to be quoted rose |
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| Jealousy Jealousy is a topic that is not discussed in a well thought out rational manner very often. This subject is generally a part of an emotional reaction to a threat or perceived threat to a persons emotional attachment on another. It is a topic that fascinates me for a number of reasons. The main one being that I could not identify with the jealous behavior I saw in others. It just made no sense to me. Another reason is that it hurts me to watch people I care about torn up by jealousy. So I thought I would try to learn more about it and I enjoy digging into deep subjects like this in an essay format.
One of the first things I do when studying a topic is to look up the generally accepted definitions. This posed a problem with jealousy as there is no generally accepted scientific definition. I turned to Wikipedia and to my friends for input and my own past observations.
This is Wikipedias definition:
"These definitions of jealousy share two basic themes. First, all the definitions imply a triad composed of a jealous individual, a partner, and a third party rival. Jealousy typically involves three people. Second, all the definitions describe jealousy as a reaction to feeling threatened. Jealous reactions typically involve aversive emotions and/or protective behaviors. These themes form the essential meaning of jealousy in most scientific studies."
A good friend of mine also has a definition which I found set well with my own views
Shifting Wind -"First off, I’ve learned that jealousy is a waste of emotional energy that, left unchecked, can become debilitating. Rather than being a singular emotion, it is a collection of emotions �?fear, anger, hurt, etc. The intensity of these feelings are the culmination of distortions in how I perceive Myself and the conditions of My life."
and yet another friend
dev -"i'd liken it to the difference between someone admiring my necklace and me offering to lend it to them as opposed to trying to slip it from my neck when i'm not looking"
Almost all definitions agree that it is a combination of emotions released in reaction to a threat or perceived threat of loss concerning someone you care about. One of the things that strikes me most in my own observations is that in many cases it is an overreaction to reality or perceived reality, rather than just your basic emotional reaction. Validating in my mind Shifting Winds statement that the intensity is based on how you perceive yourself and your life at that time. In most of the cases of jealousy I have personally witnessed, the person exhibiting jealous behavior seemed to have little to no control over their reactions. This is not only scary in the short term but the long term as well.
The relationships over now, the jealousy should end right? Wrong! I have seen people carry a bitter jealous rage from one relationship to the next. Some might be able to keep it from creeping into subsequent relationships but will still turn bitter at the mention of that past relationship.
Rochefocaulds maxim -"jealousy is always born of love; it does not always die with it"
In many ways it is a passionate response to a threat to our emotional well being and possibly physical, psychological and social well being as well. The main difference that I see between jealousy and other intense passionate responses is jealousy's ability to outlast any relationship. So while it may have a tie to passions, that also does not identify the full scope of this emotional plague. It has the ability to transform people who are extremely sane, reasonable and well adjusted under all other circumstances into emotional wrecks. This in my mind makes studying jealousy and its effects almost vital. These overreactions can sever relations, imbue a lifetime of bitterness, hurt your children, affect future relationships and basically just make you miserable if they aren't dealt with. The effects of jealousy are seen throughout life from sibling rivalry to full blown bitter divorce cases. One of the people who responded to my request for input put in a marvelous excerpt about childhood jealousy.
Sir Ulrich -My mom never cared much for cooking, but on Saturdays she liked having croissants or sticky buns with eggs and bacon, and coffee. So one of us, usually my sister (she was the only girl?) would get to eat with her. My brother and I could come down later and have cereal. Jealous? Yeah, that made me jealous, because my sister got to enjoy not only the food but my mother's time, and boy I wanted to change that.
He also stated he does not blame his siblings for the events and learned how to deal with jealousy from those incidents.
Sir Ulrich -I learned that we don't treat everyone the same, no matter what familial words are wrapped around it; yes, parents have a favorite, and on any given day you may or may not be it. So wasting my time and energy on jealousy was just that, a waste.
The ones who act out in jealousy or feel the emotional takeover to the point they are afraid they will act out have not discovered the means to redirect that negativity. And that in my opinion is a hard thing to impart to others. Dealing with intense emotions effectively seems to vary from person to person as does the success of the efforts to do so.
sydney -So the emotions take over while rational behavior takes a back seat
faith -you see jealousy can bring so much pain, that a person can really get more sicker..it is a feeling that i don't ever want to deal with again..i was never a jealous type, i was care free and happy, but things in life can bring so much pain when you don't expect it, and cause a wave of anger and sorrow..
rose -When i am thousands of miles away i am more prompt to go to the wrong conclusions : Maitre is online and not paying attention to me : surely He is talking to someone else ! one overlooks His team playing on the TV... Him finishing that work... His ex on the phone... The green eyed monster does that. Shifting Wind -The sense or feeling of betrayal was a combination of hurt, fear, and anger �?all of which I truly did not deserve. These feelings were reasonable based on the actions of My former spouse. What became unreasonable, destructive, and a waste was how these feelings overwhelmed My daily living. Of course these feelings were fed by My investment in the act of her betrayal which was at times all consuming. It was like being in the middle of the deep end of the pool and not being able to grab hold of the ladder or sides �?just a constant attempt to keep My head above water. My self esteem was definitely affected, My sense of worth as well as what direction to take in My life.
As all these quotes show the person who felt injured chooses to act out or to suffer silently. All people feel hurt, anger, betrayal, fear and many other emotions in relationships. How much we choose to let others actions affect our lives and to let those emotions have their way is entirely up to us. We can choose to let go of the negativity and I don't mean to minimize the hurt or the very real impact betrayal or loss of someone we love has on us, just to show that we can control how we react and deal with the situation at least to some extent.
Shifting Wind -One mistake I made was to give My spouse more understanding than I gave Myself. This was self-defeating in that it required Me to look at things through the distorted perceptions of her eyes, about Me, the conditions of our life together, and the expectations I placed on Myself. The lesson learned was that I am a very understanding human being but it does not mean that I must tolerate or accept things that erode My quality of life.
I have used a lot of quotes in this essay, far more than my norm, however I was so impressed by the quality of thought that these individuals placed into their responses. The one above says it all to me in how one should deal with those kinds of intense emotions. Bottom line, Be kind to yourself.
I am going to veer a bit off the path this essay is taking for a few minutes to touch on an area that has not been mentioned yet. Manipulating feelings in jealousy in others for your own agenda. Purposely trying to incite the type of reactions we have been discussing in someone whom we know may still have feelings for us. Flaunting a new relationship, discussing personal tid bits in public etc. These things are hurtful and in my opinion if they are done to try to win someone’s affections back are almost certainly doomed to failure or worse will lead to a jealous and suspicion filled relationship.
I am going to post the rest of the most quotable quotes as a reply to this essay. They are all fantastic and worth quoting. I want to thank my F/friends for contributing and helping me to understand a little better what lies behind the Green Eyed Monster. | | |
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Date Posted:12/07/2008 12:24 PM)
sydney -So the emotions take over while rational behavior takes a back seat
sydney -Circumstance I think plays a large part on how jealousy manifests within a psyche
sydney -the person I was with was unfaithful and lied about his unfaithfulness for a very long time.
dev - For myself, i dont often feel jealous so much. I do feel possessive however. I think the two are maybe different sides of the same coin.
dev -Watching someone else try their luck with what i would consider mine is kind of an aphrodisiac for me. There's a lovely pang that seems to feed the possessive little creature inside me and enough trust in my relationship to keep it on the fun side of play.
dev -Another fun relationship ended for me eventually because of jealousy oddly enough...or my lack of it.
dev -i'd liken it to the difference between someone admiring my necklace and me offering to lend it to them as opposed to trying to slip it from my neck when i'm not looking
dev -There have been times and will continue to be times where for reasons that honestly probably have more to do with my own insecurities than anything else, i will slip into the less than pretty side of jealous.
Shifting Wind -First off, I’ve learned that jealousy is a waste of emotional energy that, left unchecked, can become debilitating. Rather than being a singular emotion, it is a collection of emotions �?fear, anger, hurt, etc. The intensity of these feelings are the culmination of distortions in how I perceive Myself and the conditions of My life.
Shifting Wind -Beyond the feelings of anger, hurt, and fear I have felt a sense of injustice, betrayal, and the impotence of “how could you!�?BR>
Shifting Wind -The most significant episode of jealousy in My life was brought on by an incident of infidelity by My former spouse.
Shifting Wind -The sense or feeling of betrayal was a combination of hurt, fear, and anger �?all of which I truly did not deserve. These feelings were reasonable based on the actions of My former spouse. What became unreasonable, destructive, and a waste was how these feelings overwhelmed My daily living. Of course these feelings were fed by My investment in the act of her betrayal which was at times all consuming. It was like being in the middle of the deep end of the pool and not being able to grab hold of the ladder or sides �?just a constant attempt to keep My head above water. My self esteem was definitely affected, My sense of worth as well as what direction to take in My life.
Shifting Wind -One mistake I made was to give My spouse more understanding than I gave Myself. This was self-defeating in that it required Me to look at things through the distorted perceptions of her eyes, about Me, the conditions of our life together, and the expectations I placed on Myself. The lesson learned was that I am a very understanding human being but it does not mean that I must tolerate or accept things that erode My quality of life.
faith -you see jealousy can bring so much pain, that a person can really get more sicker..it is a feeling that i dont ever want to deal with again..i was never a jealous type, i was care free and happy, but things in life can bring so much pain when you dont expect it, and cause a wave of anger and sorrow..
Sir Ulrich -I've long realized that I'm not the jealous type; I just can't be bothered with that expenditure of emotion over someone who appears not to value what We share. Sir Ulrich -My mom never cared much for cooking, but on Saturdays she liked having croissants or sticky buns with eggs and bacon, and coffee. So one of us, usually my sister (she was the only girl?) would get to eat with her. My brother and I could come down later and have cereal. Jealous? Yeah, that made me jealous, because my sister got to enjoy not only the food but my mother's time, and boy I wanted to change that. Sir Ulrich -I learned that we don't treat everyone the same, no matter what familial words are wrapped around it; yes, parents have a favorite, and on any given day you may or may not be it. So wasting my time and energy on jealousy was just that, a waste. Sir Ulrich -So we grow and learn from these experiences, we add to the satchel that each of us carries, and I sense that those of us with the least heavy satchel once we reach Judgement Day, will be rewarded, by and by. I trust those I'm in relationship with until they give me a reason not to. Then I act accordingly.
rose -In my early conversations with Maitre, He asked me if i was a jealous person, and i honestly said : not really, but i might get jealous of the time You don't spend with me. rose -When i am thousands of miles away i am more prompt to go to the wrong conclusions : Maitre is online and not paying attention to me : surely He is talking to someone else ! one overlooks His team playing on the TV... Him finishing that work... His ex on the phone... The green eyed monster does that. rose -Some people don't have that ability to let go and not act on it, the ones that makes you dismayed and prompted your interest for the topic of jealousy as i understood. |
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