Hi.  First time I've been on here in a bit.  The day you posted this was my baby's 3 year anniversary.  Sounds like a long time but still hurts too much to bear.  I remember that feeling you are having.  I am not sure about the idea of getting someone else to do it for you.  Maybe I am different but I had to deal with everything in Brandon's room.  I visited his room from time to time cause I felt nearer to him there.  It hurt but I still needed to keep it the same for a bit.  It took me 2 years before I was ready to clean it up.  Then, when I was ready it was kind of liberating to do it.  And I was so happy I waited till I was ready.  It hasn't been long.  Just give it some time and you will know when you are ready to do something with it.  Make a plan maybe for that room when you are ready and have a reason to clean it up.  But for now I would keep it the same.  Once it is cleaned out it is done.  No turning back.  You haven't even made it out of the fog yet.  Settle down and give it time.  None of this will happen overnight.  Try not to let people push you into anything you aren't ready for.  My mom kept telling me how morbid I was cause I kept my baby's ashes in his crib for about 8 months till I was ready to plant him as one lady I know calls it.  I was glad I waited with that too.  You will know when you are ready.  Your path is all your own.  This is a hard road that God put you down but you have to walk it.  There are no short cuts.  Just one foot in front of the other.  You will get there.  Tina will hold your hand through it.  Oh ya and no worries about going in her room and crying.  Let it out.  That will heal you.  I sure am learning through this process that we do it on our own.  Or at least I am.  Nobody understands.  This is the only place you can come and talk to people who truly understand.  So keep coming back.  It helps.  Hope I answered your question.  Are you out of the fog yet?  It took me 2 1/2 months to get out of the fog.  I literally saw a fog lift.  Weird but true.  Enjoy it while it lasts.  It numbs some of the pain till you are ready for it all.  God doesn't give you more than you can handle.

 

Hugs,

Susan

 

Dianna,

 

Like everyone is saying, take it a little at a time.  Don't let anybody push.  Amelia's room is still as it was; we removed all the things to remind us of her last days.  Everything else is as is.  We just took the swing out of the living room.  We just gave away her toy box.  It's been 7 months.

 

Find "The Afterloss Credo" (Rean, a little help here, please! :) ) .  Read it yourself; if you feel comfortable, print it and put it in a place where people can see and read.

 

If I heard you right, you're married.  Just remember, even tho' you were her mom and your grief is different, there is one who understands your pain: your husband.  Hug, talk, hold each other whenever you two possibly can.  Spend a little time together each day.  Parents who have lost children can understand the pain of losing a child; only you two know what it's like to lose Tina.   

 

I don't know where your husband is at in his grief but remember, he could be silent.  That doesn't mean he isn't feeling it; he is.  Just like you, he needs time. 

 

Time in grief is never defined by a clock or a calendar; it's defined by the heart. 

 

Many hugs and prayers for peace,

Joe

Thank you so much for your kind words. I went to the cemetery today I saw my baby's headstone put in .. It was so painful  all of this just doesn't make sense. Kristina was so smart so beautiful so kind and sweet.. Her little sister misses her so much. We all miss her so much , it feels like I'm in this rut and will be for the rest of my life.. It hurts lots...How do parents go on day to day?

You get through it day by day, moment by moment.  You find a joyful moment and you hold it tight; rainbows will always hold more meaning in my heart now, even tho' by birth, rainbows are a part of my Irish heritage.  You take it a step at a time and don't rush; the pain will soften but Kristina will forever be in your heart. 

 

You're right that nothing makes sense.  I don't know your beliefs but I can tell you how I feel now.  It doesn't make sense that God would give us a wonderful, beautiful child, then something happens and we end up having to give that child back to God.   God made earth and everything on it to grow in it's own way.  God isn't a micro-manager.  You may find some comfort there in time. 

 

I don't know how old Kristina's sister is, but find the book "What's Heaven" by Maria Shriver.  My son found it very helpful.  He misses his sister too and he always will. 

 

You are so welcome.  Please post; we're here to help.

 

Many hugs,

Joe

its true you just live for those rare moments of peace when you don't cry over seeing some one w/ a child yours age.when you dont cry when some one elses child has a birthday.been there done that, still do it! It has been three years since Benny died and we had five years of THINGS to go thru. my brothers all had their own lives I still have my daughter. Boy, did I get flack when one day I decided that I wanted his room back and that Benny wouldn't have wanted his bed left unmade[moths and months] and toys around[ neat freak of 5, GET THAT!] so I did it . All I did was strip the bed and put stuff in boxes. but still. I knew when it was time,  no one else. it also helped my anger to pound the bed railings aprt when I finally took that down later. just do what you feel you want. Like they say, no one knows unless they have walked in your shoes. and even then..........

peace, LIS