Coping with the Psychopath/Narcissist Child

Here is a little info on our situation. We are foster parents thinking of adoption. One of the children, 5 yrs old, in our care is showing tons of traits that are concerning us. We have had this child for over 7 months now, and have been very adament about following rules and their consequences. What is scary is the fact this child will be told not to do something and give a little smirk and do it again. You can do timeouts and alone time but it does no good. This child is physically agressive, showing sexual agression, shows no remorse when caught doing something wrong, distructivness to clothing and furniture, mean to the cats (chasing and pulling tails). When asked "why did you do that?" this child replies "I dont know" or just looks at you like you are crazy. When asked "why is it not ok to do this behavior?" the child can explain short and long term reasons as to why not do it.This child was treated as the one who could do on wrong at the prior placement from age 2 1/2 to 4 1/2. One councelor has stated to me that it sounds like he has narcissistic characteristics, but we should work on this for another 6 months before worring. My question to you all is "I have 5 other children in my house that I have to think of also. If he is narcissistic is there hope?"

Thanks for any help

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Message 2 of 4 in Discussion

From:

femfree

Sent: 14/07/2008 6:55 p.m.

HI fostermommy. We are not professionals. I will state that I have, sadly, heard from many adoptive parents who have discovered their adopted children do fall into the N or P categories but they don't discover this for years later when they are on the hook financially and emotionally for the devastation these people cause. For your own sake I urge you to be very cautious in your decision. I would hate to see you in a situation where the other children are getting the short end of the stick while you spend the next 18 or so years in a train wreck situation.

Hugs

femfree

<o:p> </o:p>

The only study I am aware of that examined genetics and narcissism suggested that 64% of the variation was accounted for by genetics (Livesley WJ, Jang KL, Jackson DN and Vernon PA, Am J Psychiatry 1993 150(12):1826-1831). Of course, studies using other measures of narcissism are necessary in order to confirm or modify this figure. Nevertheless, narcissism and narcissistic responses to stress and trauma likely have significant genetic bases�?If our children experience voicelessness during childhood, the risk of narcissism (for those predisposed), depression, and anxiety rise commensurately later in life. However, if we can find a way to give our children “voice�?and the implicit respect that goes with it, we can lessen the chance of a generalized narcissistic response to people and the world at large.
A Note About Narcissism and Genetics Dr. Richard Grossman
http://www.voicelessness.com/narcissismgenetics.html

Message 3 of 4 in Discussion

From:

sparkysmoonlady

Sent: 10/08/2008 7:32 p.m.

Fostermommy

You didn't give birth to this child

You have taken him in and I would imagine you have done your best for him

Please consider your other charges and the other children you have in your care in the future

I know it's hard - but from my experience - I would have done it differently

My ex and I adopted a boy and 36 hours after he was in our home I wanted to send him back - I felt there was something wrong with him and didn't want to have this happen

My ex wouldn't have it - so we kept him and formally adopted him and then had a biological child when he was two

If it was hard before she was born it was 10 times worse after

The trouble was I had to force myself to love him and after that I could not force myself to un-love him

And I did everything I could for him

And the years passed and he got worse and the short story is that after disrupting everyone's life he took his own in Juvenile Detention

So yes - I have regrets - the only good thing is that after I had made the commitment - I kept it and went further than the extra mile

So - I don't regret that I kept my promise - but until I die I wish I had never had him

I hate to be so brutal - but right now you are looking at a child no one wants -

So please - be careful - you are only his foster family - don't take on a burden everyone else will pay for too

Sparky

Message 4 of 4 in Discussion

From:

sparkysmoonlady

Sent: 10/08/2008 7:39 p.m.

Fostermommy

I was just reading some other posts -

If you are battling with your conscience about your decision about this child - you read them too - and ask yourself if this is what you want in the future

Sparky

BTW - I did love my son and all the other people here loved their children at some stage - probably still do

I think we all know about "Tough Love"

I am quite happy to continue posting if you need to know more

I'm not as brutal as I might have come across - but I have been through the earlier stages that some members here are still battling with - and it's a tall order

Sparky

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