kbt-hope you don't mind and my husband isn't jealous :), but you may be my new best friend. wow your circumstances are intense. i could hardly believe that we're both captive audience to our aspiring musician  sons.I'm 40 yrs old and i still want to be a rock star when i grow up( or when the kids are grown) difference is that i don't cram it down people's throats. my 14 is still living at home and is such an icredible pain in the @$$. my husband has comewith a new parenting idea. since son is p/n when he does something wrong (exceptions hurting someone, stealing/distroying property) we say/do nothing, give him no, none, zip attention. this means when he is rude we ignore him. if he leaves a mess we ignore him. because like yours he'll take neg attention if thats all he can get being N.it goes both ways when choses socially acceptable behavior he gets all the attention his little N heart desires. this experiment is killing me. i want to..............when he's rude, messy, mean to the little kids-5 yr old twin boys and 6 yr old girl. i tell them to ignore him and why and if he's being especially nasty we go to the park or for ice cream and he's left without an audience. I have no idea if this is the right thing to do. we've put a date on it-sept. if he at least can memorize that he gets what he wants when he does what we tell him to by then then we'll know it works and you all will hear all about it. if not,well, you'll hear about that too and we'll find a new flavor of the mo. for dealing with living around this kid. sometimes i just can't believe this is happening.-belrose  ps drop me a line. let me know how you are :)