Dear Jolly,<o:p></o:p>

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I have followed your posts since you joined several days ago.  You may be unique in this membership in that you are a handicapped, bedridden, elder �? dependant on seemingly narcissistic adult daughters.  After re-reading all your posts �?all the incidents of your daughter’s neglect and abuse - I am concerned that you are very vulnerable to escalating abuse. <o:p></o:p>

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Before I go preachy on you, I want you to know that I do understand your sorrow.  As the mother of grown sons (and grandmother to a fine 14-year-old grandson) I’ve known both the joys of many decades of parenthood as well as the profound disappointment of having a son who is without empathy and compassion.  There are no easy roads into accepting that our child’s narcissism is a forever kind of disability.  Working through the pain requires we summon all our spiritual resources; it takes guts and honesty. <o:p></o:p>

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If the who, what, when, where, and whys of your present circumstances ever mattered, they no longer do.  The days for parent/child counseling sessions are gone, the chance to reverse family dysfunction is past, ruminating about your parenting is useless, and the opportunity instill empathy in your daughters is long over �?if indeed it was ever possible given that current research suggest a genetic component.  Jolly, none of your relationship heartbreaks are of any consequence now.  It does not matter who did what, who said what, who screwed whom over, who spoke up, who didn’t shut up, who spent what, who thanked whom, who manipulated whom, what the gift was, how much anything cost, who made a promise, who broke a promise, who stole it�?SPAN>  It is quite enough to let it begin to sink in that, for reasons that no longer matter, your relationship with your daughters is broken and YOU cannot fix it.  Ever.  It is time to get on with the immediate tasks of relocating out of your daughter’s house and away from her controls, so that you can heal from the poor health, depression, isolation, and the abuse that is burying you.   <o:p></o:p>

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And assuming that you have reported things accurately, Jolly, you ARE the victim of significant elder abuse.  Withholding clean laundry is abuse.  Withholding your underwear is abuse.  Refusing to clean your room and bathroom for three months is abuse.  Refusing to remove cat feces from your bed linens is abuse.  Withholding your mail is abuse (putting a postal hold on your mail is a felony).  Stealing your food is abuse.   Hijacking your pain and sleep prescription medication is abuse (and also a felony).   Refusing to prepare your meals is abuse.  Stealing your money is abuse.  Promising to kill your cats as she leaves for <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Mexico</st1:place></st1:country-region> is abuse.  Refusing to feed and water the pet cats is abuse.  Refusing to remove cat litter/cat droppings is abuse.   Withholding transportation to services is abuse.  Isolating you from social connections is abuse.  Yelling/screaming at you is abuse.  Gaslighting is abuse.  Exploiting you financially and materially is abuse.  Are you being slapped, hit, or kicked?  Are you being threatened with physical violence or restraint?  If not yet, I think you are at risk for it.  <o:p></o:p>

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You just had a contact with a Social Services agent who is helping you through the process of getting into a HUD apartment.  Unfortunately, that agency does not interface with Oklahoma State Adult Protective Services so they did not seized the moment and act to assess you for abuse.  Fortunately, Adult Protective Services is MORE than willing to act immediately on your behalf (and it will not jeopardize your getting a HUD apartment) if they are contacted with and provided your address.  I called them today and gave them a summary of your situation.  They have the means to mobilize and remove you from an abusive environment within hours.  Here is their contact information:<o:p></o:p>

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Adult Protective Services<o:p></o:p>

Elder Abuse Division<o:p></o:p>

Oklahoma Department of Human Services<o:p></o:p>

<st1:address w:st="on"><st1:Street w:st="on">P.O. Box</st1:Street> 25352</st1:address><o:p></o:p>

<st1:place w:st="on"><st1:City w:st="on">Oklahoma City</st1:City>, <st1:State w:st="on">OK</st1:State> <st1:PostalCode w:st="on">73125</st1:PostalCode></st1:place><o:p></o:p>

http://www.okdhs.org/aps<o:p></o:p>

Report allegations of Domestic or Institutional Elder Abuse at <o:p></o:p>

800-522-3511<o:p></o:p>

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Check out the link if you want.  Then call them and ask for help. If you are unable to make the call, don’t want it reflected on your phone redial, or for other reasons of safety cannot call them yourself, you may contact me and I will initiate the action for you.  I have no reservations about making that call.  My email address is [email protected].  Send me your name and address directly (don’t post it to list).  If you provide your phone number, I will call you first thing in the morning when I open my email.  <o:p></o:p>

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I am proactive, Jolly.  In most situations, I simply pass along information, believing strongly that adults should take care of themselves.  But because you are physically ill, handicapped, bedridden, and clearly depressed, I am willing to advocate for you, doing what I am able in order to get you started with a network that will provide you the care, compassion, and kindness you deserve.<o:p></o:p>

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Your life is meant for Blessing,<o:p></o:p>

Cherrie�?lt;o:p></o:p>