Although it is scarey to sign away your rights in order to obtain state care for him, it is necessary unless you are a millionaire~!

When I went to court over my son, I had to tell them that I couldnt change him or manage him as I tried and knew I was failing, what was most important to me was what was best for him, which I knew I couldnt provide, based on what he was becoming.

His mindset is bigger t han you can handle. It needs to be stopped or curbed if you want to try and make a last ditch effort on molding his character into someone that can be someone someday.

Once I relinquished custody and had him placed at Cornell Abraxas Boys School, he got the intense counselling and monitoring he NEEDED.

Visits were limited initially while he adjusted to being there. It was a good facility with many benefits and a very controlled atmosphere, which he definitely needed.. No more running away, sneaking out, skipping school, smoking pot etc.

He no  longer could hang out with the bad influencing friends  he was so used to relying on, as they too were manipulating their parents. He went first.Then when he completed his schooling there, graduated and was trained in a career he now works at, then his friend went in for a year and it was better that they were separated as it gave him a chance to change his ways.

Once his friend came out , we let him live with us for a long time as his father was the blame for his bad behavior, or so we thought.

By the time his friend came to stay, my son started seeing through the bad influence the other guy had.

I sent  my son away to my oldest son who is in the Army and had a house off base and my youngest son worked t here a while while I tried to help straighten his friend out more.. He did get a job for a while but didnt learn as much at CA because he was sneakier and more narcissistic. What my son began to see was that his 'friend' who mentored him into being so deceitfully self serving was not who he imagined him to be or that he was 'cool'' after all.

Now it is 5 yrs later and my son is 'functioning' without getting in trouble. His 'friend' had come to stay with us a few different times when he was down and we helped him but he decided to get into drugs and later we couldnt allow him back again. Soon after he was arrested and went to jail for dealing... My son on the other hand has grown up and keeps out of trouble now.

I really believe that had I not allowed the courts to intervene with him when they did that he could have ended up like his former friend.

You will always be your sons mom... a few years now in getting t he help he needs, will save both of you alot of heartache in the long run.. You will still be his mom when he turns 18 and have the rest  of your lives to interact and hopefully be on track instead of living the way you are now with him threatening you and behaving so badly.

I found that detaching emotionally was easier when I got counselling as well and the positive reinforcement I needed to modify my own behavior to not be enabler. It is okay to help, but not when it only fuels the fires in the mind of a budding narcissist!

He must be made to realize that he can not get over on you nor is it acceptable to intimidate you.It is wrong for you to live under such circumstances. You need the time to get to know yourself again and be able to set new goals and accomplish them. He needs time to grow up the rest of the way in an environment that will be best suited to modifying the monster within him.

GBU

Ave