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| | | Message 8 of 10 in Discussion |
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Hi everyone & thanks for sharing your insight & experiences. It really does help a lot. This seems like a roller coaster ride, but at least there are little ups now & again whereas before it seemed to be constantly downhill. I know I need to insulate myself so I don't react to his manipulations - I talked to him today & he was having a good day & told me to forget all the bad stuff he said b/c he might have been wrong about some stuff (in other words he lied & doesn't want me to tell the Dr. at his monthly appt. tomorrow). I am going to talk to the Dr. & his Therapeutic Foster Parents tomorrow without him being present & see if they will agree to hospitalize him or at the very least tell them about his threats.
I also need to distance myself emotionally & am not sure how to do that. I was told before that if he needed further long-term hospitalization that I might need to sign off my rights as a parent to ensure placement in a state facility since he has already exhausted his insurance policy.
Signing on here is like a first step in trying to get back on my feet - finally communicating with people who know the devastation wrought by people with these illnesses - trying to come to terms with the harsh reality and hopefully accepting the situation. I'll see if I can find a good therapist who understands these types of issues to help me move on as much as possible. It's hard to start over after everything has revolved around him for so long - I thought a good parent should hang in there no matter how hard, how tough, I thought I had to work 10x as hard to prove that I didn't make him this way (people love to find a logical explanation and assign blame b/c the reality that some people are just wired wrong is too hard to accept). I've proved to myself that I gave & gave & gave and did everything imaginable, now it's time to care for myself - I'll still try to ensure he gets the best care possible, but need to think about my future too. One step at a time. At least I'm not constantly living in fear anymore.
Anyway, thanks again. Look forward to future correspondence. Best regards, Anna |
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