Thank you for you input.  I need to talk to someone, so I'm posting an update here now, just to get it off my chest. 

 

Things have not gotten better.  I took the phone away, disconnected the service, and it is actually getting worse.  The more I try to discipline him, the more he fights back, and then goes in the bathroom laughing at me an calling me names "dummy", "she really thinks shes better than me, what a joke!"  Then he'll switch it up and try to be Mr. Sweetness, and I'll tell him "thank you" when he does something nice, to which he responds "can I get my phone back now" - and I say "No, doing one thing won't get your phone back, you need to change the way you treat people, and I need to see it for more than a day." - "so, how many days" -  "I don't know, however long it takes  maybe never" -  the fact that I don't give him a specific timeline drives him nuts.... he actually tried to write out a contract and have both of us sign it so he could use it to try to figure out what he could get away with and how to manipulate me. We had this argument last night, and I was like "I'm done now, I want to go to bed, please leave my room, good night, I love you..."  he proceded to go to the living room and destroy a beaded curtain that I had hanging in the doorway, and then stomped up the stairs, talking the whole way about "don't talk about me, I can hear you" and stomping loudly on the floor upstairs.  I know he was only doing it because he wanted to continue fighting, so I just ignored it and went to bed.  My roommate was like "you're just going to not do anything about that" (referring to the curtain and the stomping of the floor), and I explained that my son wanted my to react, and to go upstairs and continue the fight, and the only way to get it to stop was to ignore it.   I think he (my roommate) is about ready to move out now because he didn't say two words to me for the rest of the night - just sat there in the dark.  He stays out of the way when I'm dealing with my son, he's not my "boyfriend" or my son's stepfather - just a roommate and my closest friend.  But, when you have a child like mine, you don't get to have other relationships because nobody wants to be around that sort of thing, and the child will drive away any threat they see of losing the attention and control.  He knows and I know that my son needs a man in his life, and I have asked him to help me by providing that sort of male role model and talking to him, but he really, really doesn't like my son very much because of his behavior (even though he loves kids).  

 

He has started acting the same way at school with one teacher in particular.  It seems as though when I started getting harder on him, he started taking it out on her.  She has called me twice to tell me about his disrespectful attitude and smart mouth, apparently yesterday he was asked to leave class, tipped over a desk and slammed the door on the way out. It started because he didn't finish a paper that was due (that I didn't know about), and she told him he was going to fail the class. Of course it's "her fault" because she doesn't like him.  He has asked to be removed from the class and put into another class, which might not be a bad idea, but I don't know if it will solve anything.  I've been trying to call his teacher and counselor at school repeatedly, and have not been able to talk to either of them.  The teacher does call when he gets in trouble, but I've missed her calls and been left voicemails, and then try to call her back and not get any response.  He threatened that he was not going to school today - I called my roommate and he told me that he did go to school ( I leave before him in the morning) - and that he thought that his teacher really just needs to die, and he might have to kill her.

 

I am just so emotionally and physically exhausted right now I can barely think.  Having my roommate there is the only thing that is keeping me sane, another adult to talk to who sees what I'm going through and is on my side, but I know he will be gone soon and then I'll be dealing with this all alone.