Coping with the Psychopath/Narcissist Child

I think that my stepdaughter is a psychopath. She is 10 years old. Her mom died shortly after birth. She turned evil about 3 years ago. Lies about everything, blames everybody else for everything that occurs, has no concern for others, manipulates to no end. Here are the big ones. Told my 6 month old baby that maybe (name) will have an accident and die and then I will be your mommy. Jumped on her bed because her 7 year old brother was under it. He was scared to death and when confronted about what if he had gotten hurt "well I would have gotten in trouble". No concern that she could have killed or hurt him. She called maternal gps (who are a major pain in the butt-they have court ordered visitation and I am sure put stuff in her head)that I was beating her-Spanked her on butt with open hand with fathers permission-I had children's services and the police at the front door. No care that that isn't what happened. Did it to get me in trouble. Doesn't want to live here wants to live with maternal gps. Father absolutely against it because they are a different breed of people, yet he married their daughter. Has no friends because is very bossy. She has stolen from us. Has no emotion what so ever and has a dead look in her eyes. She was put in a partial hospitalization program in the fall for the two incidents involving her half brothers. She was to be released from it on Monday and on Sunday she threw dirt balls at the neighbors school bus. I called the police hoping they would do something and they wouldn't. She got the 7 year old involved in that as well. she showed no remorse to the police officer which he also noticed. She said that she will do whatever she has to do to get out of our home. Then her dad talks to her and the next day she wants to stay here. she was put on meds because of the bus incident and her father took her off of them after about a month. He is in denial. I think that she has serios problems and if I had my way she would not be in my home. He is taking her to the pediatrician at the end of the month. She has not hurt any animals that we know of. She has no respect for other people or their property and my biggest complaint is that she lies 99.99% of the time. Please adivise me. Sorry so long and thanks in advance for your opinions.

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Message 2 of 12 in Discussion

From:

toughtimes1231

Sent: 16/06/2006 4:20 p.m.

Dear Stressed,

The possibility that she is a P is certainly there but it is too early to tell. Kids who are angry, hurt, or feel rejected also act out in very cruel ways. You might also want to read Internet info on attachment disorder (also known as Radical Attachment Disorder). The symptoms are very similar. At this point, I would recommend that you get her into a therapist that specializes in RAD. If this is what she has, therapy can help to minimize behaviors. If not, you'll know that you are doing your best to get her some help.

There is also some excellent advice about dealing with P's on this web under coping with the adolescent psychopath. These tips also work well for dealing with those with RAD.

I would recommend joining a support group (do it even if your husband won't). There are many groups for RAD parents (most are adoptive parents but they experience the same behaviors and pain). Tough Love International (now called stand up parenting) primarily focuses on adolescents and older but if you have a strong group they can help you detach and not get sucked up in the vortex (I speak from personal experience).

Don't let her destroy your relationship with your husband and try to avoid becoming the heavy. My 27 year marraige almost hit the rocks because my child's manipulation. Hubby couldn't believe child could be so cunning and conniving.

Finally, create a paper trail by dating and documenting behaviors. It will be a great help to anyone treating her and also to recognize patterns of behavior. I e-mailed my child's therapist with an update the day before our sessions. Then we didn't waste precious time (and money) on recaps and could get right down to what we needed to do.

Hope this helps...Hang in there

Message 3 of 12 in Discussion

From:

Kazza9100

Sent: 16/06/2006 5:12 p.m.

Hi Tough,

I was seeing a psychologist for parenting advise for my Pson. She refused point blank to see him but diagnosed (unbeknown to me), me with munchousans by proxy. She also diagnosed him with an attatchment disorder.

The way she had us deal with him was to show him lots and lots of love, explain our feelings and how hurt we were etc etc. Well we all know that treating a P like that is giving them bate to use it against us.

Obviously, this didnt work and she just said we werent doing it correctly. End of.

Eventually, last year following a 6 month psychiatric assessment we got a diagnosis. All those years of feeding my Psons ego cos some stupid pyschologist refused to see him or acknowledge that her diagnosis was wrong.

Kazza

Message 4 of 12 in Discussion

From: Jilly

Sent: 16/06/2006 5:38 p.m.

Stressedout-

My daughter is very similar. I lived the same experience with CPS. Fortunately, she now lives with her grandparents. They don't see her the way my son and I have seen her. It's only recently that my mother has become aware of her problems, still not to the extent that they exist.

A good message board for RAD is calle Attachment Disorder Support Group. Just Google it.

Many, many times my daughter had physically hurt my son. I'm sure you know to be hyper vigalent with the other children. It's seems as though these kids have a huge jealousy problem. Id've read on the RAD board that many do much better as an only child. Maybe her grandparents would be a better situation for everyone. I know our lives are so, so much happier now that my daughter no longer lives with us.

It's important that you and your husband are on the smae page. I've read where these kids can absolutely break up a marriage or any other relationship because they need to triangulate the adults. My daughter had alienated us from everyone in the family with her lies.

Please keep us posted.

Message 5 of 12 in Discussion

From:

toughtimes1231

Sent: 16/06/2006 5:47 p.m.

Hi Kazz,

Sorry that you had a bad experience. There are definitely those who don't know what they are doing. It took me awhile to find a good one. I recommened someone who deals with RAD because those kids are so much like Ps. My gal was no nonsense. She shared her suspicions with me. That is one reason my daughter is incarcerated.

Message 6 of 12 in Discussion

From:

freespirit211

Sent: 16/06/2006 9:28 p.m.

Dear stressed out,

When they are that age, a therapist can find out what exactly is their problem. At that age if she is a P, it is called conduct disorder. Eventually, it utns into antisocial personality disorder. There is a book called "high Risk"-Children without a conscience. I details what to look for if you suspect she is a P.

freespirit

Message 7 of 12 in Discussion

From:

genie327

Sent: 16/06/2006 9:30 p.m.

hi stressed..sorry you have to find your way here but pleased to meet you. Who knows if your stepdaughter is P.only time will tell unfortunately.........difficult times for you and the rest of your family...........hugs. genie.

0 recommendations

Message 8 of 12 in Discussion

Sent: 25/06/2006 9:27 a.m.

This message has been deleted by the author.

Message 9 of 12 in Discussion

From:

S11021

Sent: 2/01/2008 4:03 p.m.

P's start out at a early age....the harm those around them and are cruel to pets, small children. They also like to start fires and steal, and lie. They cannot be trusted safely to do anything unless they are watched. The difference between troubled kids and P's is the constant attack on the weaker creatures of this earth and the fires. They show you a face of sweetness and light and as soon as you are out of sight the real P comes out....so watch her closely and get long term professional help...one that deals with troubled children. They will spot her sooner or later and if she is a P it will show.

Message 10 of 12 in Discussion

From:

este-bebel0i

Sent: 3/01/2008 12:29 p.m.

Hi ,

so sorry to hear of your troubles with your stepdaughter.As you may well know no diagnosis can be made before a child is 18.To be honest I feel the clues are in your first sentences ,this child suffered an unimaginable loss very early in life....I was abandoned in hospital at a a day old by my birth mother and wasnt adopted til I was 13 months ,at which point my adoptive parents changed my name !!

I can understand some of what your daughter is feeling ,she is testing you all big time and of course she must show she doesnt give a damn thats what the whole act is about ...

I hope the pediatrition is a good one and can offer this little girl the help she needs and also you guys the help you need too.

I had a shocking rebellious streak at her age but was so terrified of being abandoned again I was as good as gold......it wasnt until I was in my late teens I relaxed .I have a P son ,he is 22 soon and he didnt start to manifest signs other than the sort of mischief you'd expect from the eldest brother of 4 boys until he was about 14.

I wish you well

Este

Message 11 of 12 in Discussion

From:

twinkletoes678

Sent: 3/01/2008 5:06 p.m.

After reading and talking to other parentys of these kids, it seems 14 is a significant age.

Message 12 of 12 in Discussion

From:

S11021

Sent: 4/01/2008 1:54 a.m.

P's can began acting out very strongly at a early age. I have no clue about being diagnosed at age 18, but my son was diagnosed at a much earlier age by trained professionals. And I might add they were right on about him. The signs were there from age 3+. And as a parent we think if we love them enough we can change them. My son had plenty of love but he still is a P. Some P's are born that way and home life can only alter this to a small degree. He began getting the help he needed in the first grade and it changed very little about who he is today. He become more free to practice his P behaviour during the teen age years due to the fact it is impossible to watch a teen ager constantly......but he was a P from a very young age on. There is a special clinic for adult P's that deal with them totally different than most other types of problems. It has proven to be a sucess in some cases. Only if the P wants to change can they be changed. Most P's don't. Again I suggest everyone read "The Mask of Sanity" written by Doctors who have done much research and work with P's. If you have a troubled child getting them help is a better plan than waiting until they start acting out worse. If you are raising a P you will know what I mean when I say you know it because there are too many signs to ignore.

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