Hi, I'm new on this board, but not new to the topic of N's or PD's. In my experience, getting a 'compliment' from a N type of person is not likely, unless it's a variation of how you enhance them in some way. They tend to want to hear what they want to hear and if you don't 'feed' them that then they devalue or dismiss you and any concerns you have. Almost always you'll find "they win, you lose", and such competitiveness in a relationship will ruin it very quickly.

I grew up with a N father, married a N person, subsequently divorced her, and duh, got involved years later with another one. I gave myself the three strikes your out ruling and moved on. Almost 5 years after my last involment with a N person, and a very deep healing journey, I met a wonderful woman who actually appreciates little things like, a foot massage. She does NOT insult or attempt to control me in any way and makes no demands. To make a long story short, sometimes we kiss a lot of frogs (NOTE: This is NOT a reference to anyone on this board) before we find our princess (or prince as the case may be). However, she does have a N daughter, and we deal with that by supporting each other. We view each other as equals and have a great deal of respect and love for each other.

At my age, and with my experience it's important to know one's 'center', how far one can go from that and through all of life's trials and tribulations, to simply remain true to oneself. Empathy is a term I've seen thrown around a few times in some messages I've read. I sincerely doubt a N person is capable of this, but if they develop their 'acting' skills they can present a psuedo empathy. BUT it's always about how great they are. When I discovered assertiveness training years ago, I was put off (initially) by the use of 'I' statements. I felt is was indicative of some kind of egocentrism or unhealthy selfishness... years later, I've changed my position on that topic. It's always a good thing to be able to express your feelings with your partner, openly and honestly, with respect for their dignity and and their feelings and perceptions. For someone with a N type PD this would be paramount to self nihilation... and getting a compliment from a N person is like pulling teeth from a shark... it's never worth the risk.

Of course, when you love someone, you make yourself open and vulnerable. N's look at this as an opportunity to exploit you for their advantage. Real intimacy eludes them, but they can seem so convincing.... it doesn't matter because it's just them being on 'stage'. It might be that we need to learn to 'change the channel' and watch a more mature and fulfilling 'show'.

Bill