In so many ways I agree with you.  Having a very controlling N father and passive N mother, it's hard to believe that I don't have the characteristics myself, but I must!  One daughter insists that I am the mother from hell and have never been there for her, met her needs, not the kind of mother she needed. I  Married a passive N husband.  Great provider, good father, but just about impossible for him to ever give me any credit for anything although I have worked all of our married life.    I don't need to be told how wonderful I am because I do what I do because I can and want to...but, it is devastating when you are told you contributed so little to this marriage.  Thank you for your comments and kudos to you for seeing through your situation.