My N daughter is the oldest of my 5. She was brutal with them as she grew up and I tried to get her help but she lied through therapy and lied to get into the foster system at 16 to which she ran off from there and eloped with the first fool she found. He was on to her and dumped her fast. I then paid til she was 18 to have her own apt because she threatened to prostitute if I didnt and wouldnt come home either. Then when she turned 18 she joined the Army since her younger brother was going in at the end of the school term she wanted to beat him to it... Soon she realized what a mistake it was since she cant be told what to do so she found a guy and got pregnant to get out of the Army. He was a nice guy and wanted to do the right thing, so paid for her divorce from the first husband. They went to live with his parents and she interfered with their marriage and they moved down the street.
She then called her mother in law and told her by phone how to get rid of her husband while he was listening in on an extention.After the call , he shot his wife in the head and burned down the house including 95% of his own body and died 18 hours later.
There was a considerable estate which she squandered in less than a year and got pregnant again with another. She had a boy then girl and I went to visit. The girl was 2 and she beat her mercilessly. She had been doing it to the boy as well. She would deprive her husband of all natural affections til he almost left her, but she said he was her 'work horse'. I tried to be supportive since she then became pregnant every subsequent year til now she is expecting her 7th child~! Her husband is working 3 jobs!
She begged me for 4 yrs to come stay with them and my youngest daughter had spent a year there finishing school while I went through my divorce from my N husband. She told me that her N sister beat the kids all the time and needed help.
My N ex remarried a new source, so I thought I could help save my 5 grandchildren and I moved out there.
My youngest daughter came home and a year later was on her own so I sold off everything and moved out there.By now she had 5 children ages 6-1- 3 boys 3 girls.
She had 4 other children she was paid to watch. She left me for 3 months watching all 9 and went out on sales jobs with her husband, taking my van and my social security checks as well as the payments for babysitting received by those 4 other parents.
I thought at least the kids were safer so I tolerated it.Then she went away on a vacation to a convention concerning the job her husband was working, leaving them all with me and when she returned, she wasnt satisfied to find them happy. She began giving them 'tune-ups' [beatings]even in front of me! showing me she was dominant and that I could do nothing. I tried to talk to her and her husband about it but she claimed that she didnt want her children to grow up and walk all over her as mine did in her opinion.
One day she beat her youngest daughter 2 at the time like the first beating I witnessed with the now 5 yr old daughter. Her husband too was now into beating the children. Well 1/2 hour after the beating with a wooden spoon the husband also beat the child and then they went out.
Later when I bathed the baby I saw the black bruises on her buttocks and legs. I was sick. I called my other daughter and told her they were out of control.She told me that I was the only one that could do anything about it and that I should do to my daughter the same thing to make her stop hitting the kids.since she used some archaic book that said to beat them young so they will learn to be obedient and that only a parent has the right to beat children no matter what the age that it is their duty.
When she arrived home, all full of herself, I took the wooden spoon and struck her once with it and told her to never hit the children so hard again or I would hit her as I should have 15 yrs earlier.{ I didnt strike her hard, just to shock her to know it was wrong} since the book she gave me to read said it was my duty!
She lunged at me an we were in a tangle and her husband pulled her off. The police came and she wanted to have me arrested. They saw no mark on her, but I confessed I did strike her once. They asked why and I told them so they took pictures of the baby's bruises and made me leave for the night without my van, dropping me off at a motel.
Next day I called for a ride and when I got to their house my clothing was in the street! She kept my 2 tv's stereos DVD player and kitchen appliances but the person who gave me the ride got the keys to my van and I loaded it and left. I got to the bank, which also had her name on it and it was overdrawn by $1495- so I was stuck with 1/2 tank of gas and no where to go. It was in Phoenix Arizona and 118F degrees out. I parked in a Walmart parking lot so I could used their restroom and get drinks of water. I was there 2 days. My oldest son lived 1000 miles away but was my closest relative. I called him collect. After telling him what happened he called her and her husband and said some things that made her husband come quickly and tell me to come back.
I went back and was told that as soon as my money came into the bank that I could leave then but she was calling shelters for me to go to a shelter while the money got straightened out.They had a judgement go against them and since her name was on my acct my money was taken by the IRS and I had to get statements from Social Security that the only deposits were in fact mine and so it was redeposited that Monday[36 hours after I had returned] so minus the bank charges for overdrafting, there was enough left for gas to leave so when Childrens Services called that they were coming over, my daughter went out to avoid them and my son in law told me to leave before they got there.
I have never seen nor spoken to them directly again. They had to go through some parenting classes but somehow got off easy, I heard from one of their friends that they conspired with one another and claimed I had actually hit the child so they still have custody of their children and now she is havin her 7th.
She usually sells the childrens things, mostly everything I ever bought them she has sold.To go on that vacation, she sold her childrens beds and dressers~! My oldest grandson asked me before I left who was going to save them and I told him that all parents discipline but are not allowed to beat and that if any on them get beat with bruises or sore bones, that he should tell his teacher so someone will come and save them.
Arizona is not diligent with their childrens protective agency. They were only interviewed a few times and the case was closed. Later they took all the children out of school and she is now homeschooling and yet she can barely spell ! It sickens me that she can get away with so much, but I can do nothing. I can still send gifts, so now I mark the childrens names on what ever I send so she cant return them to any store, but she still yard sales things so I try to send more perishable items so the kids can at least get some enjoyment, maybe.
I told her many years ago I will not allow her to blackmail me with grandchildren yet I miss them so much . It has been nearly 2 yrs since that happened. I knew I couldnt back down as she takes that as submission as then would hurt the kids more just to show me she is in charge. The only thing I feel I can do is to not give her any ammunition on my part so that includes no contact with her children.
She let the oldest one write me a short note recently. I was hoping that meant she was softening and so I emailed her and said I was sorry that things turned out as they did and that I never wanted to strike her but wanted her to realize how much she hurt them with that wooden spoon. I told her I was wrong to strike her.
I had hoped it would have opened conversations, but through my other daughter[who I encouraged to keep the communications line open with] that she delighted that I gave in first! That was sufficient for her so she never replied.
I don't know if she got like this from her father or not. She was a monster since birth. At 19 mos of age she yelled ' look mommy' and jumped into the crib of my newborn son and fractured his skull...Several years later she fractured the skull of my youngest son, so 2 fx on 2 boys in 8 yrs.They survived but I had to be extra careful with her and never leave her alone with them when they were babies.
She had similar dominating behaviors throughout school, but knew how to charm authorities and was very manipulative since before kindergarten. When I was pregnant with my 2nd son[3rd born] my husband went away for 6 months and she was angry and blamed my pregnancy.She knew i was having another baby, she one day took her favorite doll and stabbed it 26 times with a sharp knife! I placed her in therapy and sewed the doll up since I wanted her to get over the anger and protect my unborn at the same time.My husband came home before the birth and we were vigilant with that baby who had illness so we never let her near him. She never fractured his skull but beat him alot when he got older.
Another thing she did before I went to live with her a few years ago was to tell her friend before I arrived that I had abused her as a child and that she was the product of a one night stand and had an awedul childhood- thoroughly twisted and exaggerated and it made me wonder why those people in her inner circle treated me strangely while I was there.She had effectively assassinated my character before my arrival.
Those were 3 months of hell and I feel so badly for the children. I want to write back to my grandson, he is now 9 yrs old but I dont know what to say that she wont twist around and maybe beat him for, so I havent written him yet. I thought to just send him a card with some money in it[although I know she will take the money]but I havent yet as I am not sure it would be good or not to do.
I have people praying for them all and I pray for them as well. i am glad this site is here, I was on the adult one and trying to understand about her by reading there and was unaware there was one for parents of N's.
GBU~!
My youngest daughter came home and a year later was on her own so I sold off everything and moved out
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