Sandie, You both have a hard road to travel, we had dealt with our daughters illness since she was 8 yeasrs old, she was more sexualized and abusive towards her brother, we never used corpral punishment, we used privelege loss mainly with her, our son was a blessing, she always turned us in for abuse, her story had to better than anyone else's in class, they used to have these classes at school for children to tell on their parents.  I don't know if they still do, but they should be banned.  Our daughter was put in the childrens home for 16 months where they said they can spot a manipulator easy, we told them they don't know a thing about them, we were right, our daughter manilpulated them all just to come home and continue her bad behavior, it wasn't till this experience that it was put in her school letters from counslers that she showed N with sexual preaucuaption,  try to get your little girl in a counsler that knows about her mothers illness and express to them the things that she does, I have been doing a lot of searching into these different types of behaviors, you might also buy the book stop walking on egg shells, by paul mason ,we found this to be very helpful.  You and your husband need to stick together on this or she will get away with almost anything she wants, I thank god for my husbands support, without him I don't think I would have survived.  He is a step parent to my children but he has been there father for over 22 years since I lost my first husband to cancer. Stick together like glue and she can't get over on either one of you, make rules and stick by them.  I am greatful to have found this web site, there is so much info out here for us, use it as well.  God bless you both and may god keep you safe.