Hi blueghost...........sorry you are having such a hard time just now. My daughter is 20.......legally an adult and no longer  under my control. I have come to the conclusion that she will do as she pleases and if it hurts any of her family then she will do it all the more.........She wanted to  be free of us.she thought it would hurt us.we were glad she went...now she wants to find a way back to us......everything they do is about them.and winning. Its hard aswell not to blame ourselves.......but hand on my heart, she was never abused and I did my best in raising her in a loving stable family unit along with her 3 sisters and her father and extended family.she had the textbook upbringing......wouldn't have made any difference had I lived on the streets or not cared about her.she is what she  is and who she is.and there is nothing I can do to change that. I think also they get a kick out of the present giving stuff...get so upset if they are left out but delight in leaving others out knowing it will hurt.such hypocrites!.everything they do is hypocritical.....one law for them and another for everyone else. Only one law for them as far as they are concerned..don't get caught...and maybe the aim of the game is to win win win.