Great Friends - Good Times

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Me and Andy havent spoken since sunday as he went into one of his hissy fits again,Im carrying on with someone I clean for blah blah blah!! It was his day off yesterday so that made for a fun day!! Not!! He is trying to talk to me like nothing happened,no appology. I just give him the occasional grunt while thinking to myself ,why dont you just fook off!!

I cant stand the sight of him at times and I feel we really would be happier if we split up but I know it wont happen,house,kids its just not going to happen. I dont even know if I love him anymore. He has chipped away at my love for him and its all but gone now.

Every couple months this happens for the past couple of years and I am totally p*ssed off with it now.

Last time he went off on one was just before xmas and he really kicked off.It ended up with him pinning me against the worktop in the kitchen with his hand round my jaw,then he grabbed me by the arms and pushed me.I ended up with bruises.He has on a couple of occasions just stopped himself from hitting me. I do worry that next time he wont stop himself. I cant talk to him cos it will be my fault.

You read about women who are beaten by their other halves,Im not saying my life is anything like that,but I can kind of understand why they stay,especially if they have kids.

The house is in both our names,and Ive told him to go before and he says "Im not going,Its my house". Im stuck!! I cant afford to move out with the kids and Im not leaving them with him. And it wouldnt be fair to drag the kids away from their home. Oh I dont bloody know!!!

Yes we might get over this like the last god knows how many times,but I know it will happen again,and Im sick of it. Its the same thing every time,the bloke I clean for,who is married with 3 kids.Who is very rarely the when I clean anyway.Apart from the fact our friend Tracy does the cleaning with me. Im not doing anything wrong and im not giving up the cleaning,why should I??

God ive gone on.Sorry. Just needed to get it out.I dont even suppose it makes much sence. Its really getting me down. I dont expect to have a fairytale marriage but a happy one would be good. Without being questioned and critisized for everything I do.

I go along with Mc if he does that to you what will happen next time, talk to him and if he is not listening get some advice , there has to be something you can do , you don't need to go thought life like this

life is short enough

...maur

No advise from me I'm afraid as I'm in a very similar position.

Just sympathetic hugs coming your way tho.

I apologize in advance Jen,

But, he IS beating you, He is wearing you down, making you feel bad and LEAVING BRUISES on you. He doesn't have to HIT you to abuse you.

It isn't fair to drag the kids from thier home, but it isn't fair to have them as by standers while thier father abuses thier mother. No child should have to live through that.

Jen, I love you to bits. Get the fuck out, NOW, before it gets worse. PLEASE

Jen, huge hugs for you hunni, I never give advice, only you know how you feel, he IS abusing you, my sister works for a womens refuge, it isnt all about being thrown down the stairs, or being beaten to within an inch of your life... he's making you seriously unhappy, he's marking your skin...thats abuse!!!

Speak to a solicitor specialising in family law, or go to CAB...they can advise you on your options... life doesnt have to be this way, but from the stories i hear via my sister, only you can make it change

only you can make it change

That's it in a nutshell Jen.... you can call the police next time he comes next, near or by you and get a barring order on him. His behaviour is disgraceful and you don't have to put up with it if you don't want to.

Good luck... be strong...

Well he is still being a prat.Thinks I should be saying sorry not him,well Hell will freeze over before I do!!

Ive been looking at houses for rent and they are around 600 a month and you need about that much again for a deposit I am going to the bank on monday to open an account in my name that he will know nothing about. Im going to sort out all the paperwork and make an appt with the CAB to see where I stand with things.

Im not leaving just yet but I am going to prepare for when I do so its not a massive struggle for me and the kids,why should I struggle cos he is being a prize prick??I can live a little longer with not speaking and I can tell you,he will give in before I do!!

Thanks for your support.

well done Jen... well you know we're all here for you hunni

big hugs for you

Aww Jen, I think your doing the right thing hun. Make sure your feeling strong and well prepared before you do anything major. We're all here for you every step of the way babe xxx

Sounds to me as if he needs mental therapy and possibly medication for a disorder of some kind! He is a ticking time bomb and its not because of you or anything you do. Would he consider seeing a dr about his behaviour? May be fixable if he's willing.... or forced...whatever it takes.

Think long and hard before you talk to him, and don't do it in anger. You will have to live with the decisions you make, as will your children, for a very long time, so please be careful that you handle this in a way that when you look back, you won't have regrets.

There is always hope, but the thing is to know when there is hope and knowing when its hopeless - only you can know that for sure.

Hugs and good luck wishes, Mary

I agree with Pea, think long and hard first before you jump out of this situation... Good to see you have put something in place in case it does come to you and the boys leaving...

Ive only just seen this Jen..... I cant add more to what has been said but you cant take any more abuse, wether you sort it out or you leave I hope you make the right choice, only you can

Aw, sweetie. All the best to you. Sort it out, and let us know where you stand with benefits.

You do only get one life, this isnt a rehersal and you cant go back and do it again if it doesnt work out how you wanted it too.

Leaving a relationship is daunting, when you have kids, house etc. But not impossible. There is help and support you can get. I think you are doing the right thing is making some plans.

Having been in a violent relationship myself, and in one where i was mentally and emotionally battered, i understand how you feel.

Thinking of you, and always here for you shoukld you ever need a shoulder.

((((((( Jen )))))))))

just get out .... cos hes hurting you now, it will only take him one blind rage and he will more then likley hit you. That aint nice, you should not put up with it and in all honestly what gives him the right to treat you in that way ?

He is abusing you , the kids have more then likley picked up on the vibes in the house.

If you want to try and save what you have i suggest going to get help , relate might help if hes willing to go along. Please if he marks you again please go to the police. Abuse in any form os NOT on. You didn marry hime to be his punch bag be it mental , verbal or physical abuse.

please be strong its not impossable to get out there are women shelters, get to CAB and get some advice

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jen.........sorry only just found this.

I was in an abusive relationship as i found out after i left! (through counselling) He used to emotionally / mentally abuse me and as a consequence i was put on high dose strong medication and i was trully convinced that it was my failing and medical rather than his behaviour with me.

As you all know I left him........luckily I did have someone to go to......but i have realised that even if i hadn't i would of managed.

It makes such a huge difference to your life ......to be happy........and yes it takes some getting used to! I still am.....................

What did it for me was the kids........their life was being made unhappy too......and that i would fight tooth and nail for.

You are better than this........I'l not lie and say it's an easy thing to do , but having just gone through it..........I would do it again in a heartbeat for how much better things are now.

You know if it's gone..........and now you have to be strong and change things.

All the best.......you know you have here to support you whatever you decide.

GFGT definatley helped me through mine.

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