Hello Slider,
I hope you will return to this post to talk with us about how you're doing. Because every one of us grieves differently, I can't say with any credibility that I know how you feel but I can say that such changes take a very long time to get used to in our lives. Not only does it take our brain and hearts a long time to meld back together, but there are a lifetime of habits to adjust. No doubt this has been utterly devastating for you and I am sorry to hear that you are still reeling.
Since you're still feeling this way after 2 years, I am concerned that you are still sitting in stillness. This is what I call "Gumping" because that is what Forrest did when his beloved Jenny left him after it seemed like she had come back to him to stay. (You can read about my own experience with this by clicking here). As far as I am concerned this is one of the worst parts of being suddenly single and it is dangerous to your mental health to allow yourself to stay in "that" place of stillness. Forrest ran for 3 years but most of us can't do that. Instead, we need to find new activities.. perhaps things we've always wanted to do but weren't able to do... I found I had to stay with the more peaceful activities.. long walks with my dog, reading extensively about how to "let go" and get on with life... And I had to have faith that time would help me with my grief. It has Slider... It has helped a lot! But I had to force myself to get up and get going. It's just too easy to sit and let the pain eat you away until there isn't anything left to get up.
I am not going to give you a bunch of pat philosophies. What I am going to say is that your journey through life is yours. We don't always know why we can't be with someone we love but it's amazing what we can learn about ourselves when the pain dies down and we have the courage to take the time to be alone and get back in touch with who we are.
I recently asked my therapist the same question about the meaning of my life and having a tough time figuring out what I am supposed to be doing with the next years of my life. Her answer was that during THIS time, I need to be healing and finding it within me to enjoy having the freedom to be whoever I want to be in the next years. I don't know if this will help you but it sure made sense to me.
Another thing that helped me was remembering a conversation with a man I very much admired. He came home to find his beloved wife of 30+ years suddenly packed as well. He said the shock damn near killed him and he spent the next years on antidepressants and just trying to cope. My conversation with him was about 8 years after their split and he turned to me to say, "You know what I REALLY regret? I regret wasting 7 precious years of my life grieving over her. If she could walk away the way she did, she wasn't worth 1 day of those 7 years and I just hurt myself!" He went on to tell me not to waste my precious time in grief and "what-ifs"...
I hope Slider that this will somehow motivate you to start putting your life back together, a piece at a time, one day at a time. If you can't do one day at a time, do one moment at a time... but do it. With faith and time, you will eventually find out why your marriage wasn't meant to continue... You deserve better and you deserve to be loved.
Our "Broken Hearts", "Heartstorms", "Abused Souls" and "Singles Tips" forums are FULL of information about how to get through Hell intact and I strongly encourage you to spend some peaceful time there... But most of all, I hope you will take that first step to start over and if you really can't, contact a therapist who can help you.
Please write again to let us know how you are doing.. WE CARE and you are not alone!
Luv n hugggs,
Silken
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