Hi Everyone --
I see that a lot of the posts lately have been about the "no contact" rule and whether it's really for the best. I just wanted to share a thought about it. Obviously, the major reason for having no contact with the ex is just to avoid being triggered by the sight and sound of them into missing them, remembering them, longing for them. But there's something else. If you've read my earlier thread called "Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the water," you'll know that out of the blue, my ex wrote to me asking if I would have a cup of coffee with him to talk about "what happened." I deleted the message, and it will be a cold day in hell before I respond. I've been wondering why I feel so good about doing that, why for the first time since our breakup I woke up smiling and thinking -- there is life after this guy. I realize that it's because I'm taking back a little bit of the power he took from me and abused. By saying, "No, I am no longer here to be your little puppydog, and be grateful for every nasty little bone you throw me," I'm making a statement about what I will and won't accept -- I will NOT be "buddies" with someone who took my heart and my trust and trampled over it; I will NOT accept his phony, self-serving apologies that mean absolutely nothing; I will NOT sit around praying for a reunion with someone who ignored all of my needs, feelings and love and left me crying myself to sleep for months. It's as if he's hit the ball back into my court -- and I decided to put the raquet down, leave the game, and go find myself someone nicer to play with -- someone who plays fair. So "no contact" isn't just about not exposing yourself to the painful sight of someone you still love -- it's about taking your power and self-respect back, and saying, "well, you might not love me, and that's your right, but it's also my right to say, 'you're not good enough to be my friend, and I don't want to give you the time of day.'" And it feels GOOD to say that. With every day you don't contact him or her, that is exactly what you're saying, and trust me, they do notice it.