Laurellovely's Diary

The events I am about to unfold have occurred only in the last short while.  Some of it seems to be straight out of my imagination and that’s certainly, what I believed at the time.  Other parts were so real in the moment that I could not dismiss them so easily.  All of these occurrences have brought me to the point I am now.  Secure in the knowing, willing to trust what I am given…even when I don’t fully understand it yet…and to accept Spirits�?love above all else.

July 00

July 4�?I stumbled upon Psychic plaza chat room, looking for something new one night.  I just wondered if I could find anything to do with psychics or psychic phenomenon on line.  I figured that there were enough believers in the world that someone may have written something about it and posted it.  I entered the room quietly…and eventually chose to speak with one person.  I asked�?”is everyone in here psychic or may I stay and listen in�?  I stayed.

July 12 –I certainly was curious.  Someone asked me if I could feel energy. I said no.  They asked me to pay attention to my hands for a moment.  All of a sudden, I felt a strong tingling sensation.  This person asked if I felt anything.  I replied oh yes, tingling in my hands…especially my right.  She said…oh good, I love it when it directs itself where I tell it.  I was amazed.  I had actually felt the energy she had sent.

July 28 �?The topic was seeing auras.  I said of course I had not seen an aura.  The teacher was working with someone who was just beginning to see colours.  I simply observed.  As this student’s excitement grew with everything, he was feeling and seeing…I became overwhelmed with butterflies in my stomach.  When I told the teacher about this, she said…oh my…well it seems you are awakening too.  She said I was feeling the student’s emotions…overwhelming excitement…that she could feel them too.  This was the first empathic experience I was aware of.

Aug /00

Aug 1 �?I spoke to Intense_Female.  Sent her my first email asking what it was to be empathic.  I spent time deciphering my own emotions and those I picked up from others.

Aug 8 - It is a magical thing that is happening to me.  I am seeing and feeling new things everyday.  Everyday now a new message is sent to me to help me along my path.  The messages bring me comfort and excitement and help me to trust in what I know.  I await each new message eagerly now, without fear.

Aug 23 -I am able to sense my guide on an ongoing basis now.  I cannot see her but I do feel her with me when I am concentrating.  It is truly wonderful.  I am now able to decipher some individuals�?feelings in a room but this is not working for me yet in person.  I am getting somewhat scrambled in what I sense

Aug 25 -Well this was the first time that I felt someone was sent to me.  I felt quite a strong connection.  We talked at length before he actually asked me a question I did not feel able to answer.  I do want to be clear that I do not consider this a reading, simply making a connection and using my gifts as a listener/caring person to help.

Sept 6 -This "seeing" stuff is so cool!!!! I had my first experience with remote viewing while I was talking to them in a chat room

Sept 7 - 2nd guessing was last night’s lesson:

I began a practice reading (the person was aware I was new to this) and right off the bat I was wrong on the basics.  The feelings.  I continued and began to get a visual.  However, the visual did not make sense to me or to the person I was reading, so I was second-guessing myself.  It hadn't even occurred to me that I might see something of the past or future so I was frustrated because I didn't understand what I was seeing.

Sept 8 -I have only recently welcomed God into my life.  I had reasons. I had excuses.  What I really had was fear.  Very recently, I found ways to overcome this fear, to turn the fear into love.  Last night God came to me and held me in his arms and I knew him.  I can feel him still.  Perhaps one day I will speak of what actually occurred but not now.

Sept 10 - I just really don't know anything right now.  On the one hand, it seems as if everything is coming together, that I have purpose and guidance and direction...and on the other hand...I am scared again and I don’t know where to turn or what to ask for help or how to deal with any of it.

Sept 12 –Said the following to a good friend�?”I meant what I said about not being gifted...I hope I did not lead you to believe otherwise previously to last night.  I wouldn't want to lose your friendship over a misconstrued lie.  I was partially lying to myself but I hope I never told u that I thought I was gifted.�?/SPAN>

Sept 16 -I'm still very much in awe of what happened last night...it was so very powerful.  I had my first vision.  It was of and for Intense_female and it was so beautiful.

Sept 19 - I had lost my sense of hearing in the chat rooms.  I didn't even know I had this until it was gone.  I seem to hear people’s voices as they speak (type); of course, I have no way to confirm if this is what I am hearing.  Anyway, now it seems to come and go.  But last night the silence was deafening and very scary to me. 

Sept 23 -I have found a new name for some of what I am experiencing...I think you will like it...Spiritual Immaturity....kinda like Indigestion...except it makes you say things you regret instantly and then spend all night clearing it up...LOL.   It seems to follow in this order...Spiritual Indigestion, Spiritual Growth & Enlightenment, and then alas, Spiritual Immaturity...and then it all starts over again.<o:p></o:p>

Sept 25 -I am being pulled in many different directions right now in terms of gifts but perhaps that's because I need them to all work together and I must be aware of them all.  So, I will work on my own awareness and continue to meditate and pray<o:p></o:p>

Oct 1 �?Made conscious decision to use remote viewing…and I did it!  The person I chose to visit was not too pleased and sent me very quickly back to my bed…but I had the control to make myself go!<o:p></o:p>

Oct 2 - I feel like things have come together for me and I have nothing to say...lol...I have spent my lunch hrs for the last weeks talking out my problems...now what I need to do is absorb and practice what I have learned.

Oct 4 - I am experiencing problems sleeping.  This is due to a fear of going somewhere I am not supposed to.  Kellog spoke of consequences.  I still have images of everywhere that I have been, locked in my brain, and I am afraid that if I look at them, I will be transported back there.  <o:p></o:p>

Oct 10- Well, it seems I am bubbling up again.  Why is it that my cycles seem to
be so close together?

Oct 13 �?Remember that practice reading about a month ago…well…my friend came back to tell me that the images I saw were what he experienced today…and that by telling him about it, he had been prepared for some bad news.

Oct 13 �?Had to say farewell to a dear friend today.  She will be off line for a while due to a move.  Decided to say goodbye in style and was successful with Bi-locational travel.

My friend saw an image/impression of me in her home and felt me touch her shoulder…it was so beautiful.

Oct 14 �?Went into a very deep depression while trying to deal with some issues from childhood.  Thought about, for the first time in a long time, taking sleeping pills and going into a deep long sleep where I wouldn’t have to feel the pain anymore.

Oct 15 �?Made commitment to myself that I would learn to use my gifts and gain control of them…the ultimate goal being to teach others about path and Spirit.

Oct 16 �?Worked with Hooplight to do readings in the SLC room.  Was somewhat surprised to find that what I saw/felt was in sync with what hoop was getting.