yes it really is a bad day today....i have had at least 2 raynauds attacks...that alone is different...usually maybe one attack for a week....my hands both were affected this time..they turned completely white and hurt like hell....you ask why be on computer then....well it hurts worse not to use them because it prolongs the attacks...the longer my hands and fingers stay white(no color) the more blood capilaries will die from lack of blood....that scares the hell out of me if enough die then gangrene sets in and i would havet o have my finger joint amputated....
it hurt so much i didn't want to try to cook anything today cause i couldn't hold on to it if i tried.....this is one of the things my husband helped me with if i got an attack....i hate being me....and yes i am mad as hell because i have this condition....i have also hurt my lower back somehow and when it hurts i have trouble breathing...i wish i knew what i did....i went to pick up my food at the restaurant and of course my hands got worse being in the cold air ..i could hardly drive the 3 blocks that i had to go to, was hard to hold onto the steering wheel and grip.....when i got back home i couldn't move for a bit because of my back...i couldn't hold the food in my hands cause they hurt so bad walking to the house so i carried it on the upper part of my arms balancing it to the house
right now the color is begining to come back in my hands which ar very very purple, almost black at the minute and hurt and throb cause the blood is returning to the fingers....if i wasn't using my fingers for typing or moving them the attack could last for over 2 hrs before the blood comes back and that isn't good.....the pain of using them makes me want to cry .....it hurts...each attack i have makes it easier for others to follow.....
true if you read this ....this is why i dont say much about me...who wants to listen to me spout off when they hae their own problems to deal with.....i just hate being me!!!!
today i really dont give a damn if i am alive or not...
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