i got an email today on our purpose here on earth....i have already thought about this one as i have the anniversary of my first husband's death coming in a few days and of course that brought up a few more emotions and thoughts about life and death....
i have often wondered why i was put here when my strength has been tested so many times..sometimes i feel like crumbling like a rock into gravel.......i guess i was put here to raise a family ....even though my mother told me many times i was doing it wrong, i did it my way like everything else back then.
through the years i have learned that there are other ways to do things maybe not conventional but other ways....i wonder if i should have taken those routes rather than the way i went....maybe my loved ones might still be here and i would have had more purpose now and i would be a more important part of life....
my life today doesn't seem to have a purpose...if i disappeared this minute only scraps of me would be left behind and not really me just things, material things, things that they say dont really matter in life, i find that ironic....that i will leave behind something that doesn't matter....why do i bust my butt to do them then.....i can only hope i did a little good somewhere......
i've done a lot of reflecting today...i think i should put all my thoughts down on paper i think i could fill a book today my mind has been everywhere.... got to pull myself together though my daughters birthday is 2 days after the anniversary of her dad's death and its always a very sad time for her so need to try to cheer her up....
and then life goes on.......where from here?
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