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Well for the past week I've been running round like a headless chicken, back and forth to my mums cos she's ill. Up to lukes school cos he's been in trouble and behind on his course work. Trying to squeeze in shopping, housework, kids and a list full of other things. I'm 42 and just had my first tattoo.....a lovely red rose on my right shoulder......still managing to have fun amidst the constant rushing around I'm doing. This year I feel like a totally differant person. |
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Today I started writing my story on pow, even though I can't write about the really bad things, its still hitting me hard, I'm sat here crying, I know my ex can't hurt me any more but the emotions I'm feeling right now are just total hate for him. Does this make me a bad person because I feel I hate him so much for what he did to me. He's very ill now because of his drinking and he's been told its gonna kill him, he's the father of two of my children (neither of them want anything to do with him), but all I can think of at the moment is if he drinks himself to death then at least he can't destroy anyone elses life. I know its a terrible thing to say, but I can't help feeling this way. Only two days ago he was threatening to commit suiside to upset his kids. He never does, he takes the tablets then gets some one to phone an ambulance for him, he's even phoned my husband before and got him to phone for an ambulance for him. He's just playing emotional blackmail with everyone, the whole world revolves around him. God I hate the sick bastard so much. Why does he have to do this to his kids. Me, I'd offer him a glass of water to take the tablets with. Sorry about this, but had to get it off my chest. and I guess I shouldn't really think this about another human being, but its how I feel. |
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I understand completely how you feel, its not wrong to feel this way about someone who abused you for so long and in the end the hate will turn to pity, that is when you know that although you have all those memories inside you, you will have started dealing with them, it takes time, a lot of time but in the end you will come to look at it as part of your past, and you will be able to move on from it.
As for your kids, be there for them but you cant take away what he did to them so just being there is all you can do, they have to deal with him in their own way.
Sue |
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bev i completly understand this one, my mother used to do this, then 30 yrs down the line she had the death we all want instant painless, no you are not bad , it,s healthy to feel anger , now ,as our sue said what i feel for my mum is pity, pity at the waste of a life, if only she could have been different , but maybe she did the best she could with the life she had , i know she taught me much of what ...not.... to be/do, for that thank you mum. xxxxx |
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((our bev) get a fucking baby sitter, ohhhhhhhhhh i love it , i,m sat here grinning like a idiot, pity you didnt stick the golf club up his a...  you go girlxxxxxxxx
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Sunday, won my £100 bet singing Over the Rainbow, Monday went shopping with hubby, bourght Kirsty a cot and bedroom furniture for baby Eathen, will be dilivered in about 3 weeks ready for his arrival into the world. Tuesday, went shopping with kirsty for the day, got lots and lots of bargains......clothes for me of course, good therapy when you're feeling crap. Wednesday, got up and my colds got worse......sick of catching em....getting one after another. |
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had a very busy day today...felling alot better so thought catch up on some housework. My friend Tracy called this morning and told me her ex hubby went to the place she worked last night and attacked her. A customer had to get him off her and hold him down till the police got there.....she's pressing charges...the customer and another member of staff are both willing to give statements...she's had to go for photos took of the bruises and scartches this afternoon. Her ex is an arsehole. This guy has escaped being locked up so many times, but now the law has changed on domestic violence, and with a bit of luck it will be bye bye arsehole, enjoy ur prison cell n see how you like being bullied. |
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| This message has been deleted due to termination of membership. |
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Tracy's ex been bailed till beginning of next month, then he's in court.......he still thinks he's got away with it again.....Won't see her this morning cos she's got the domestic violence team calling to see her. |
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Had a few pissed off days, been getting really down....I can feel depression creeping back in and it doesn't help the kids argueing and hubby been in arsehole mode. I feel tired and worn out and I feel as if if I sit down for too long I'll just fall asleep where I am, yet when I go to bed I can't sleep. I need an energy boost. |
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| Still having pissed off days grrr... | | | |
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Had such a crap month, feeling really down........ Crap things....hubby laid off work, so no job, kids have stolen my sanity( but wouldn't be without em, would just be nice if they could all get on, hahaha). everything electrical seems to be breaking, including my washer so got washing coming out my ears, good thing is I got no ironing cos I couldn't wash. Feel depressed, tired, worn out, fed up, but hey, whats new about that......sorry just need a good whinge and I can do that in my diary. My list of disasters could go on forever. Good things....My little grandson Ethan, he just fills my heart up when I see him. Did a karaoke for charity, for the elderly (to stop abuse of elderly people) with the other regulars at our local. But did end up with an hangover . Manage to suvive the first two and half weeks of school holidays. Can't blame kids really they get so bored, 7 weeks is too long off school. My new washer came today, not sure if thats good news really...means I got alot of washing to do today. |
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Last Sunday I found my son had stolen most of my jewelry for drugs, I'm writing a list of what missing here as a record, this is just what I've wrote down up to yet. 2 gold watches 1 diamond eternity ring 1 diamond and sapphire eternity ring 1 diamond and emerald eternity ring 1 peridot ring 1 opal and garnet eternity ring 1 ring with iolite and garnet stones 1 tanzanite and diamond ring 1 tanzanite ring 1 diamond and garnet eternity ring 1 pink topaz and diamond ring 1 gold cross n chain 1 cross with emerald stones n chain 1 shapphire n diamond necklace 1 diamond n gold necklace....poens up n says I love you 1 diamond t bar gold necklace 1 necklace with gold coin Selection od plain gold chains 1 T bar diamond bracelet 7 gold bracelets Gold earings lots of prs can't remember how many. There's still more to go on the list but my heads so messed up at the moment I'll have to add them as I remember. Alot of the above where presents from hubby n family that can't be replaced....18 yrs worth of gold wiped out for a £500 n a bit of weed......life stinks. |
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such lovely things to be taken from you in this way bev...im sure a lot more sentamental value than money value...but you still have your memories and noone can take from you xxx |
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