I never loved a queen I wed
They ended up divorced or dead
Until I croaked before Kate Parr
Who wanted Seymour from afar!
Those broads were nuts! Take Kathy One
Who woulda made a better nun!
She prayed a lot and counted beads
Instead of baking all my seeds!
I dumped her when I spotted Anne
Who made me feel more like a man
And promised me a baby king
If she could wear my wedding ring.
I boned the dame, then we were wed
And pretty soon whacked off her head
When all she did was make a lass
Then scream at me and give me gas.
And so I married chinless Jane
Who wasn't hot and rather plain,
And though she had a bouncing boy
She never gave me any joy.
The girl was sick! She'd say. "Not now!
I got a headache! Holy cow!"
I tried to get between her thighs,
But then the broad just up and dies!
And then comes Annie straight from Cleaves
Who whinnied and she made me sneeze.
I never gave this queen a try
And told her, "It's divorce or die!"
She kept her head, I spied a Rose
Who had no thorns and I proposed
I made her queen, she slept around
And then her head fell on the ground.
I gave them all a farmer's chance
And did my best to fake romance
But I could not because you see
I never loved no one but ME!