I never loved a queen I wed
 They ended up divorced or dead
 Until I croaked before Kate Parr
 Who wanted Seymour from afar!
  
 Those broads were nuts! Take Kathy One
 Who woulda made a better nun!
 She prayed a lot and counted beads
 Instead of baking all my seeds!
  
 I dumped her when I spotted Anne
 Who made me feel more like a man
 And promised me a baby king
 If she could wear my wedding ring.
  
 I boned the dame, then we were wed
 And pretty soon whacked off her head
 When all she did was make a lass
 Then scream at me and give me gas.
  
 And so I married chinless Jane
 Who wasn't hot and rather plain,
 And though she had a bouncing boy
 She never gave me any joy.
  
 The girl was sick! She'd say. "Not now!
 I got a headache! Holy cow!"
 I tried to get between her thighs,
 But then the broad just up and dies!
  
 And then comes Annie straight from Cleaves
 Who whinnied and she made me sneeze.
 I never gave this queen a try
 And told her, "It's divorce or die!"
  
 She kept her head, I spied a Rose
 Who had no thorns and I proposed
 I made her queen, she slept around
 And then her head fell on the ground.
  
 I gave them all a farmer's chance
 And did my best to fake romance
 But I could not because you see
 I never loved no one but ME!