"I am your father," Henry said
Alas, alack, your mother's dead!
Eddie's mum kilt in childbed
Lizzie's mum, she lost her head
Mary's mum, meh, her I shed!
Then....
I fell into the asparagus bed
Stuffed my face with gingerbread
Lookin like a pudding head
My arse has gotten quite widespread
The minions heave me into bed!
My pate is bald with no more red
My leg's so swelled I dare not tread
Pus oozes out around the thread
But, b'God, I can still get me wed!
Methinks tis cuz I'm so well-read
For my little soldier, he offers zed
Not sure tis there, 'neath the belly spread
That Cathy Howard, she misled
Introduced her to a sharp axe head
She vowed I'd swive her like a thoroughbred
But she dallied with Culpeper's private instead!
But not for long, was I unwed
That Cathy Parr, I crowned her head
Nigh smothered her in the featherbed
In my attempts to plow ahead
Poor wench went heels over head
Get me a loaf of cinnamon bread!
Who needs a broad in a double bed?
I'd rather be a figure of dread
Bring me a plate of something red!
Move fast, you dratted muttonhead
Jabba the Eighth must be fed!
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