Q: Should I have a baby after 35?

       A: No, 35 children are enough.

Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will the baby move?

       A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?

       A: Childbirth.

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes
she's borderline irrational.

       A: So what's your question?

Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during
labor, but pressure. Is she right?

A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?

       A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.

Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?

A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to

you.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from
childbirth?

       A: Yes, pregnancy.

Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?

       A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.

Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and
act normal again?

       A: When the kids are in college