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| | | From: spiritxx2000 (Original Message) | Sent: 8/23/2003 1:52 PM |
 Misplaced soul
A creeping death thus threatening thy place Cold morbidity weighs heavy shadowing my faith Poisened love scorches burning veins This cold drawn face echoes worn out grace A wicked torment haunting my days Harrowing crys so misunderstood,so misplaced. Demons of dark devour my soul Trapped half existing a desolate hole Blood running black,empty,frozen and cold Dead defeated no longer whole Savaged heart caught within in a tangled cage Nowhere to hide,thesatanic chase  So lost ,alone my soul misplaced.
I realise how morbid this poem sounds but its about the dark despair of depression....I'm sorry for anyone else who ever has to encounter the darkness of severe depression. god bless love Spiritxx |
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I cant beleive I was so unhappy back then...and now im not,in those days i thought I was destined for suicide and there ws NO hope at all..but to anyone else here who feels this way right now,there IS hope,you CAN feel better. This poem got accepted for publishing to my amazment ,unfortunatly i was to depressed at the time to care and to fuzzy headed to sort out the artists proof.... Please domt anyone ever give up. much love a now -happy spirit- |
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 Hi there High spirit,I so know what depression is all about and I also know as you must too that the people that love you cannot make you better as only from within we can heal ourselves,and now for the last 4+ years I have not gone to the darkness no more,and then finding out you are not the only one that suffers from this,is very good to hear.I am now using anti-depression pills as mine is a chemical reaction of the brain,and I have tried so many over the years,and couldn't follow through for more than 17 days so if it is like that for you and anyone reading this,then keep talking to your GP or ask for a referal to a phychiatrist(not sure on slelling)but that's who found the right combo of meds and they have been working really well.Now I still get down in the dumps sometimes over circumstances,but the line between them is small sometimes but I hope for anyone who is suffering from depression,can regonize the diff. If you can't then you really need to see a doctor.....Just my opinion based on my experience. Linda |
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Hi Spirit Oh that made me cry. It reminded me so much of my much loved Peter who passed to spirit almost 2 years ago now and who wrote very similar poetry, he also wrote lovely ones for me which I treasure and I am thinking of building a book around them. I am sending lots and lots of  for you. love and light Linda xx |
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May your gods and angels surround and protect all these ladies and cure their pain .  |
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Hi everyone , Linda I already see a psychiatrist,I actually suffer with something called borderline personality disorder -which is far less scary than it sounds....my problems started in childhood.borderline personality has other mental illneses as its symptoms ..so depression ,severe anxiety and somthing terrifying called depersonalisation disorder-though thankfully now I dont have that.My depression reached the point of psychotic depression,but the tablets never worked for me,though the anti anxiety meds helped for a while.For me it manifested as severe post natal depression ,but i was walking time bomb that just triggered all this other stuff to come out..I had to work through all the childhood things[abuse,neglect] and find new ways of relating to reality....so im not depressed anymore and my psych says im in remission of borderline personality.....it is a hard path but one that can be walked...I have rapid cycling moods which are usually asociated with bipolar[manic dep] but related to the bpd..though these are now leveling out as I continue to work through things.I think meds can be a good prop to help get over the worst untill we are strong enough to look and see what is making us unhappy.. ,and this is just my opinion-i dont see them as a long term thing but im glad they help you. When I was depressed I prayed that there were no others who felt this way,though I know its nice to think we are not alone,I would rather be alone and I did live like a bit of a hermit for several years and came to apreiciate my solitude ,which was essential to my recovery. Linda number two[sorry dont wanna confuse anyone] Im sorry i didnt wanna make anyone cry ,i came back here to cheer people up  im very sorry to hear of your loss.When I was depressed I could write poetry for hours it just seemed to come from nowhere ,I now know its actually a way of channeling those negetive feelings ,rather than trying to surpress them because all supression does is make us more depressed.If we have negetive feelings then we have them for a reason.....doctors call it depression and make an illness ot of it like it is a big bad wolf-that makes things worse .I dont see it as an "illness" or bad ,I only healed by embracing those hurt parts of myself with love and acceptance,they needed to breath ,to have a space to heal.i gave them that space and sent then love..if we supress them/deny them a reality then we carry on feeling sad and dont know why.We treat ourselves with such self hatred and denial and that creates the beleif that we are bad for feeling this way...we tell ourselves there is somthing wrong with us and then we manifest that energy.Thought and how our conscioussness works, I have learned is very very powerfull. I cant write poetry the way I did back then.....which is strange. much love "happy" Spirit.  |
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First of all I have to say I'm sorry for getting your name wrong Happy Spirit.....I am happy that you are in a good place now,as I'm sure it was a long journey for you to get this far.I know a lot of people that disagree with taking anti-depressants.As I said before,I was down that dark whole more times than I want to count,and my worst bout with it was for a year after I was in a car accident(1985),but I couldn't take any meds back then,as they all kinda made you feel a little worse before you feel better.And my last bout with depression was also for a year,and that's when I got to the point that I asked my GP to admit me to the hospital in the mental health ward,and she did so immediatly,and there were other things involved at the time like my addiction to pain meds,which I have been taking for a long time,but the second day I was there,I met with the phyciatrist and he gave me 2 diff. anti-depressants to work together,and I was gobsmacked that in a matter of 4 days taking them,it was like I was on top of the world,even though I staid in there for 6 weeks and gradually got off the meds I was taking for pain.As I said with me it was finnaly determined that it was a chemical imbalance of the brain so in that respect I choose to stay on the meds cause if I don't take them I will go into another depression at some point and have to crawl up otta that black hole of nothingness again.No I don't want to go back there so I will stay on the meds as long as they work for me.....You talked about some child abuse and bi-polar,well my eldest daughter has bi-polar and she was abused when she was very young,and they say that most people that were abused as a child will get bi-polar.She is due right about now,to have her second daughter,and is doing well for some time now,and I pray all the time that she gets better,or as you said goes into a remmision period,and that may be happening right now,so I hope she continues being well after the birth of our next Granddaughter Brooke,It will be better for her this time as the father is in the picture,and they are ingaged and suppose to marry next year.ok I will stop now as i think I have gone way of track,see how I get just talking about my 2 granddaughters.  |
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My heart goes out to everybody that has, or, is suffering with Depression,as. I don,t think there is a family in the world that this has not touched. Thank God these days people can get medical help L& L Whitecloud.x.x.x |
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Hi ,please dont misunderstand me , I never said that I thought taking anti depressents was wrong ,NOT AT ALL.If they help you to feel better then yes of course you should take them. I have been sectioned to the psychiatric ward several times myself...first time was volutary....other times with no choice..last time i was about to hang myself and the police broke in.....so its not that I dont understand or that im saying that your situation wasnt and isnt dangerous ,just we took differant paths.Whats is important is that SOMTHING helped you and that makes me happy.Its just that I once said that my depression was chemical inbalance related and it is of course but I beleive that other psychological things come into play for most people to upset that chemical balance..things that can be healed.......thats just MY beleif..im in no way judgeing you for taking med ,god no...after the birth of my first child anti depressents saved my life -that time they helped me.We are all differant arent we ,we all live by differant ways ...no way is better than another...but its ok to be differant. |
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Ohh Happy Spirit,don't think about this ever again as I did get what you were saying and I or anyone else here, know that you were not saying anything in such a way that you could be misunderstood.I understood everything you said hun and like you told me,you were happy that they have helped me,but it's not for everyone cause again your words of wisdom,"we are all differant,therefor we all experiance things differntly"so just let it go,cause I never thought that way once,throughout all the posts here.I have allways thought of being someone that can be in a position to help someone,whether it be listening to someone so they feel better just getting it off their minds,or if they ask for my opinion I will give it and that includes everything I feel about the situation as I am not one to pussy-foot around the issues,I just calls it as I see it...again IMO.When I was in the mental health ward I had the freedom to go and come as I pleased,and spent all my weekends at home,but there was a young man that came in a couple days after I was there and I connected to this young man(19yrs old)immediately,it was like I was suppose to.anyway I was the only one he would talk to as he didn't even tell the docs. stuff he told me and I did keep incourging him to do so.He had come in cause of a suiside attempt,and not his first one.I staid intouch with him when we left as we both left the same time but sadly the next time I heard from him he was back in hospital for the same thing again.I lost touch after awile,but often think about him and pray that he gets well,and do not suceed in any more attempts.hopeing and praying for all the people in the world,like Edith said,it has touched everyone somehow. |
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Hi smartlady ,Im glad you dont pussy foot around ,me neither .....it shows you have still have some passion for life and fight in you...never lose that,its precious. What you did for that boy was wonderful,im sure you helped him more than you know..even now..but as you said before in your above post..noone else can really heal us,it has to come from inside us...as weve both found. much love happy spirit. |
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