Vera,

I am so sorry that you are going through this.  I grew up with a younger sister that was officially diagnosed @ 18 as anti-social personality.. So I knew all the signs and symptoms, even better than my parents did because she hid a lot from them. 

I saw those same traits in one of my children.  (except my son had the added trait of being cruel to small animals and younger children and females). I felt like a failure as a parent, and I would cringe when hearing advice on raising children.. since nothing worked.  One day I realized my son was "morally retarded".  Would you believe I soon found in a footnote of the book of Proverbs that when the Bible talks about a fool it means "one who is morally deficient".  The Bible says though you grind a fool in a mortar, grinding him like grain with a pestle, you will not remove his folly from him.  Proverbs 27: 22  NIV version.  Well, God understands!  After another bad week I read that if we have faith,  we can speak to a mountain, it will be moved... so I went into my son's room, (he was at school), and said "Folly be gone in the name of Jesus".  Would you believe less than a month an in-law wanted him to come live with him.  The point of all this.  Foolishness, chaotic stupid evil behavior cannot be separated from these kids.  I got the answer to my prayer:  Folly was gone.. but too bad the boy had to go with it!!!!

After years of fights, arguments, constant lying, the dust settled.  It has still taken me time to realize it's over.  He wanted absolutely no contact with us, because he knew I wasn't a pushover.  I was NOT EVER going to be jerked around for 36 years like my mom and dad were! 

Well, of course he played the abuse card, to excuse his no contact with us...but I have since learned from these web sites that he knows he has no narcissitic "supply" from me. 

He recently met the people I adopted him from, and I am sure my name was tossed around like latrine mud.. and that hurt.  In fact that really got me emotional.  But my mother just reminded me give them time.. they will see him for who he really is.

I'm sorry for going on and on, and I don't want to sound preachy, I have flaws, but I was just so grateful to have God on my side!  He is on the side of decent parents trying to do right!!  God is on our side!  They are not going to win over us and defeat us.  Yes,  the atmosphere seemed satanic at times with our son around.  Standing around him felt like being beside a black hole in outer space.  He could turn it on and turn it off according to whoever was around. 

My mantra was no one is worth hell or jail.. Document behavior, hide the notebook where the mop and broom is kept.. they are sure not to find it there!  haha  Be aware of cell phone recordings that could be twisted against you. 

Good luck