Coping with the Psychopath/Narcissist Child

Yesterday was our 2nd day in court because our 13 yr old adopted son has been sexually abusing his twin sister and my two granddaughters for about 7 years. Right now my older daughter (mother of one of the victims ) is in a mental hospital over this -it is just amazing how one person can affect that many lives!!!His case worker kept telling me that I have to talk to my son at the courthouse so I finally did - I tried to explain calmly how much pain he had caused us all and how I just did not understand why he had done this -he just stood there with that "I'm not really here" look on his face just like always-I get so angry I just want to shake him but I know that won't help either. I guess I just can't understand how people without empathy or a conscience think. I talked with the prosecuting attorney because I really feel that they should bring charges against him - why should he just be in a nice group home without a care in the world when all of us are left here to try to pick up the pieces and the girls have to deal with school and their classmates!!I know that sounds harsh and if they think that their therapy will work(even though I've already tried everything that they plan to do-except for a lie detector test-don't need one I already know when he's lying) then fine let them try but I still think he needs some kind of punishment too. I guess they are seriously considering criminal charges but they say just remember he's a child!!! I'm sorry but penetration and oral sex is NOT childlike behavior!!! He still is trying to kiss up to his Father - my therapist says that's because he needs an ally especially one with power. Somehow even in the courthouse he made it all seem like I was the one with the problem!! Will this nightmare ever end!!??

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Message 2 of 3 in Discussion

From:

twinkletoes678

Sent: 18/10/2006 8:48 p.m.

What can I say?.if there were words I could give you, I would certainly send them to you. I know that look only too well.its the look they give when you catch them out...yet again...but it doesn't seem to matter how much damage they do, the reaction from them is always the same. I hope you have a good support network.......sometimes I feel that there isn't time or a place for me to let go and let my guard down cos I have to deal with everybody else's emotions and pain....thats another reason why this site is so good..........its so comforting for me to come here and say whatever I am feeling and know people understand just what I mean and they don't get the wrong end of the stick cos they are here too.........and who better to listen..others in the same boat. I have recently been through the court system.and they moved the moon for me to help me.......they are only human too but sometimes the law just doesn't always fit the situation.I'd just like to give you a big hug...try and keep your chin up, its never easy. hugs. twink.

Message 3 of 3 in Discussion

From:

toughtimes1231

Sent: 19/10/2006 2:43 a.m.

I am so very sorry. You are numb with shock and pain as I was 18 months ago when I experienced a similar situation with my then 17 year old adopted daughter.

She is a predator who has since been diagnosed with anti-social personality disorder and attachment disorder. Despite countless hours of therapy prior to and during her incarceration, she will never be cured. She is what she is....but like your son, she had a lot of people snowed for a long time.

The courts are hesitant to prosecute your son not only because of his age but also because it is a "family matter" and he has no previous convictions. Juvenile corrections is about rehabilitation and getting the child back into the family unit. You now recognize that this can never be. However, you may have a very long and hard time getting others on the same page...especially since he is so young.

Whether he goes to a group home or prison is immaterial. Both are restricted environments where he will be watched and evaluated and his behavior documented. If you have to go to therapy with him, I recommend a RAD therapist. They specialize in attachment disorder and have pretty much seen it all. They are not easily snowed.

Even though it may feel like your world is caving in.....please take solace in the fact that since it is all out in the open, the healing can begin. Stay strong for the girls to the degree that you can. They will soon see that you will go any length to keep them safe. If you are feeling guilty...try not to. The fact that he got away with it so long, shows how clever and manipulative he is. Don't be surprised if you find yourself grieving for him and what could have been too. It is all part of the process. Remember that in taking action to keep the girls safe, you are keeping other girls safe too. I wish you peace.