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| | | From: Jen, PT (Original Message) | Sent: 9/24/2008 6:11 PM |
I failed. Now I need a rock to crawl under until my wedding. I'm a mess. |
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Failed?? Not a chance. You did not fail. You hit a bump in the road and with your chronic pain issues that has to hurt. I agree -- go ahead have a good cry. Stomp some. Get angry if you wish. Then shake it off and get ready for that really important day, your wedding. You have a lot of time to do the course again. The next time you will know exactly what to expect. You'll also have a huge head start on things, too, and will breeze right on through it. Smile pretty and get ready for your happy day. God bless you. Hugs, Harambee |
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IGGHHHKK!! Elephant doo on mah shoo! |
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| | | From: Jen, PT | Sent: 9/28/2008 2:50 AM |
Cyndy is right. I was midway through week 11 of a 12 week internship (my last one, my speciality choice of acute pediatrics...which is by far hands down the most difficult rotation physically and mentally). The original decision was to extend the internship through 14 weeks, but then my supervisor decided that the extra time still wouldn't get me to where I need to be in time. I just got back from a two day intense review prep course for the national PT exam. I scored a 152/200, and the recommendation for students at this point is greater than 144. It really gave me a lot of hope that since I haven't done a lick of studying, I'm doing pretty darn well! It was pretty crushing to have to tell my classmates one by one that I failed my internship. I think about half of my class knows. I also talked with the man who taught the course (he wrote the book too, which is a super nice treat...he's awesome!!!) He said I should take the next 8 weeks off since I am doing so well, and just get my life in order. Then he tells me to enjoy my wedding and honeymoon. He suggests I complete my competency internship from January to March, and take the national exam in March. Then, once that is over, I should have my hip surgery. I think he's right, but I kind of wanted to get the hip surgery over and done with and start healing sooner. I'm leaning towards postponing the surgery, but I'll have to wait and see what internship time slot I am given. Cyndy and some of the others may remember my evil roommate and her boyfriend who moved in to my apartment and didn't pay rent. Well, they are engaged and getting married in 3 weeks. And to top it all off, she made an announcement at the beginning of the 2 day course that he got this top job position offer and is super smart and everything is going perfectly for them. What a blow. Seriously??? Did they really have to rub salt in my wounds like that? Ouch. I just tried to blow it off, but its really hard to be the only one that isn't finished yet. My biggest emotional hurdle will be monday, when I have to drive back to my internship that I failed to get my final internship report grade. I think it is really unprofessional of them to make me have to go back to get this information. I mean really, I already know I failed. More salt anyone??? I wish they gave me this packet as my formal closure, so I wouldn't have to go back. Also, I have to grade them. I talked with my psych. about this. He said to make two copies of the form....one that is angry and throwing f bombs all over, and one that is serious, appropriate, and fair. I also have to grade myself about the internship...not like my opion matters or anything, but just to see how differently I portray myself compared to what they think of me. I'm still debating about how exactly I want to go about filling these forms out. Sorry about rambling...I'll be quiet now :) Thanks for the support everyone, it really means a lot. |
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| | From:  CyndyK2 | Sent: 9/28/2008 7:18 AM |
Darling girl, I honestly think it would take serious effort on your part to actually FAIL at anything. Just look at how well you did on the exam without even studying! Realize just how MUCH stress you have been under with the roommate situation, all the pain you've been in, trying to plan the wedding, being so far away from your family, AND coping with the hardest of the internships. You sure didn't cut yourself any slack anywhere in there, did you, sweetie? Don't you think it's time you did? : ) I really like the idea of writing two copies of the form grading your internship; just make darn good and sure you burn the RIGHT one, the one with all the cussing in it. LOL Do it in purple ink or something so you know for sure which one it is. Throw some of Adam's elephant poo at 'em for good measure! We all wish we could gather you up in a big hug, honey, and we're all hurting for you; I know that's probably cold comfort just now, but if it helps to know you're loved, you are loved a LOT. Just remember this: Your roommate's boyfriend's soul isn't growing and progressing nearly as fast in this life as yours is because he's not being challenged the way you are. Trust me on this one. : )
Cyndy
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You did nothing WRONG....you did everything right. Things just did not go the way you wanted them to....you thought you had it 'aced', and so did we. S*** happens....and it did! Yes, it hurts.....but, ya know, down the road, when you are working at a job you love, after you have finished your internship, graduating at the top (or very near the top) of your class, you can stick that finger out to that professor!! Jen, you did amazingly well, considering all the pressures you were under. You were trying to be 'super woman', we told you that numerous times....and we KNEW you were, too! But, you had this hip pain, back pain, etc., and that brings a person down quickly....so, of course, you came crashing down. But we know you will 'get there', finish what you started...'cause we know you are NOT a quitter!!! We are all hurting for you, and with you, sweet girl....and, like Cyndy said, wish we could all be 'there' with you to give you a great big bear hug...Adam included, of course...lol. As for your ex roomates boyfriend, screw him!!! I'm sure tooting his own horn is not going to go over too well with your other friends....and there is always a time when you need your friends. Hang in there, Jen.....and give yourself this time to cry, throw pillows across the room, break some glasses (although you might use plastic - it's cheaper!)....get it all out! Then go in on Monday....with your head held up high....and do what you need to do!! We'll all be with you, supporting you all the way!! Big hugz, Dee  |
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Jen, I didn't mean to sound aloof in my previous post when I said you could retake a test. I should have read your "MIA" thread first before I read this one. I didn't realize it was the internship you're talking about. I can't imagine what that supervisor must have been thinking. She obviously doesn't know you like we do! But I do know one thing, it will all be okay. It has to be. You are a strong, smart, intelligent, wonderful woman who will go far in life. This is just a bump in the road of life. And congrats on that great score on the review course. Pretty darn good for no studying! You just keep holding your head high sweetie. Start focusing on your wedding and let this be one of the happiest periods of your life. You've can worry about this after your honeymoon. I agree with Cyndy about using a purple pen for that "second evaluation"! You'll be in my thoughts and prayers on Monday. tomcat |
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| | | From: Dan | Sent: 9/29/2008 2:05 AM |
I think a red pen would be even better. "The pediatric internship needs to be redesigned from the ground up in order to allow the students to actually learn something rather than constantly just react to the whims and chronic whines of the professors; and especially the unreasonable demands of the inept, incompetent, over demanding, unreasonable, sack of warmed-over-elephant poo professor that failed me." Like that... See? Healing hugs and lots of love, Dan |
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Jen, We all have our falls. What we do is, pick ourselves up dust off. It's not the end of the world...well it seems as if it is. Going to a psychiatrist and/or psychologist helps to get things off your chest. Counseling, helps to build up your self-esteem and confidence, before you know it, you feel you can conquer anything in life in general. Seeing a professional in psychology, also, helps you see things in a different aspect. As we get older, we see things in a different view, than we once did when we were younger...I sure have. Have a good cry let it all out, when the tears are dried up wipe your face. I know when I cry I do a lot of thinking sort things over, sometimes come up with answer, idea, or whatever. Jen, do you keep a journal? Journaling are theraupitic. I write in mine everyday, nowadays I write about how my day went, about my son, my husband, and so forth. I have faith in you ((((Jen))))  |
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| | | From: Jen, PT | Sent: 10/3/2008 4:18 PM |
Andrea, no I don't keep a journal. The only journal I have written recently is for my internships, in which a write a weekly journal note about how the week went, what my goals for next week are, strengths and weaknesses, difficult patients and new diagnoses I treated. I made it through the Monday process. Within 5 minutes of being there, I was in tears. Did my supervisor REALLY have to state out-loud that I failed my internship? Good lord people, sensitivity anyone? I felt like elephant poo when I left there, so run down and full of negativity. But as soon as I walked out those doors, I let it all go. Somehow the relief of never having to go back there again outweighed any sadness I experienced. I sent my school supervisor a proposal and petition to postpone my internship until 2009 due to extenuating personal circumstances (ie, the wedding and honeymoon). I am still waiting for a reply of approval, and in which internship site they are able to place me. I chose 5 hospitals quite close to me for them to pick from, so hopefully they will be able to accommodate my requests. |
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| | | From: Dan | Sent: 10/3/2008 11:00 PM |
She did WHAT? How thoroughly unprofessional. Was she like gloating? What could have driven that behavior? Insensitive? I think not, hon. I think that's way too charitable. Mean? Yes. Vindictive? yes. I can think of some other ways to describe her too, but this is a family forum. You're too nice sometimes, Jen. Me, I think I would report this woman to what ever committee does professional oversight. Hugs and lots of love, Dan |
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| | | From: CyndyK2 | Sent: 10/4/2008 4:34 AM |
I agree with Dan 100%, Jenn. And as I've said to you before, I think this woman had it in for you from the get-go. That was NOT professional behavior. From what I know of you and your work habits, your study habits, this just doesn't gibe with what I know to be true of you. I strongly suspect a personal bias SOMEWHERE; either she wanted someone else to get this internship (possibly a friend's kid?) or she had some other reason for running you down this way. I know what you said about her having to monitor you while you were with patients; that's part of her JOB; it goes with the territory. She would have had to do the same for any intern. Maybe she has a bias against Andy and you getting married, if she knows about your marriage; I don't know; but I truly suspect there is something personal going on here. Whatever it is, I hope you can put her behind you and look forward to your wedding with joy and hope; get that hip fixed, and go into a new internship next year with a happier outlook. You WILL do well!
Cyndy
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| | | From: Jen, PT | Sent: 10/4/2008 6:02 AM |
Oh I definitely let her know that it was a cold statement, and rather unprofessional. But you are right, it was definitely not professional for her to say that. I'm not going to think into this situation any more. I'm learning to accept that's what done is done in the past and cannot be changed. I'm ready to move forwards and put this all behind me. |
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I totally agree with Cyndy!!! But, Jen, I'm not sure I would 'let this go'; the thing is, she was wrong! She should not have done what she did....and I would hate to think that this is the way she does her job. She could possibly do this again to another intern, and that's wrong. Perhaps if she were on the 'other side', she would rethink how she did this. Maybe she needs some more 'classes' in how to treat interns. Her superiors need to know what she did....and find out why she did it that way....it's just not right. I'm glad it's over....except maybe for more tears. And, that's okay, Jen. Nothing wrong with it. Hope you will get the internship that you want....but not with that supervisor...lol. They know you're a great student...can't question that at all...you did excellent on all of your tests. Relax, take care of yourself....just concentrate on your surgery and your wedding (one at a time...lol) and HAVE FUN!!!! ouu deserve it!!! Hugz, Dee |
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| | | From: Dan | Sent: 10/5/2008 1:07 AM |
You're a saint, sweetie. Me? I think I would do whatever I could to get this person out of the teaching profession. Well, you go have a great time on your honeymoon. Ya only get one of those, ya know... So make the most of it.  Hugs and lots of love, Dan |
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This is no failure in trying, failure only comes when we do nothing. Well you are not a person who does nothing, so take the word failure and all parts or forms of the word out of your vocabulary when you are infering to yourself hon! You are human too and we stumble as the others have already told you. That's what makes us human and we are not perfect. Don't let a stumble and skinned knees keep you from a dream! Sometimes out of what seems to be the worst of things, the grey skies open up and the blue comes streaming thru and all of a sudden the biggest rainbows come out and you find rainbows taking you straight to the pots of golden blessings. You just go try again, I know you can and I bet if you do, you will fly with the grace and determination of an eagle! And remember too, those things that we work hardest for are the things we learn to enjoy and appreciate the most. If there is one thing I have learned in life, it's that if something comes to easily, most often it's not worth having. |
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