Pain pain go away I don't want it any more, I can't take this any more. I hurt so bad I cannot stop crying. I can't sit, I can't walk, when I lay down my arms and hand fall asleep with the new pain of that. My back and legs just hurt. My calfs are throbbing, the upper part of my left leg feels like someone is stabbing me, the charlie horse in the arch of my right foot is driving me nuts. When is this going to end. I cannot take this day after day after day. I have no one to talk to, it isn't enough to go to the hospital for just never ending. I want to stop crying. I have to keep re-typing this because my left hand is still asleep from my pinky to my middle finger and my wrist hurts just hitting the keys. All this pain with no relief in site is so frustrating. I want to run to the doctor and just scream out "help me please, just do something". But then there is nothing, except the look they give you -- the you cannot possibly be in that much pain -- the look of -- there is nothing I can do. And rather than being sypathetic they just write you a script and shove you out the door. I just want to yell and have someone hear me and understand me, I want someone to hold me and understand me, I want someone to help! I don't want this anymore!!! I want to just get up and run, I want to be able to move without being afraid of the pain. I am tired of being alone!
Sorry for this but I feel like getting it out helps. I can't hit anything so hitting the computer keys is the next best thing I have I guess. I am just so frustrated. There has to be someone or something out there for me. I know I can't do this for another 40 or so years. Plus the added frustration of waiting for my SSD decision that I know takes a long time.
My husband opened our daughters diary last night, now she is only 8 so it's not like she's 15 and we are intruding parents. But then she made me cry;
2008
this year on chrismis I hope for the Best Chrismis when every one is happy!
She then drew a christmas tree with three present under it. They all know that with me having no income it is going to be very tight. My two youngest only wrote down 12 items on their list. This is so unfair! This is not the life I wanted to give my kids! This is not a life at all. Walking from the front door to the back to look outside knowing I cannot go out there. I hate this!!!!!!
Sorry, frustrated with life, no responces needed, just needed this off my chest, just needed to yell a little.
Kim
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