The teacher gave her fifth grade class
an assignment. It was to get their parents
to tell them a story with a moral at the end
of it. The next day the kids came back and
one by one began to tell their stories.

Ashley said, "My father's a farmer and we
have a lot of egg-laying hens.

One time we were taking our eggs to market
in a basket on the front seat of the pickup
when we hit a big bump in the road and all
the eggs went flying and broke and made a
mess."

"And what's the moral of the story?" asked
the teacher.

"Don't put all your eggs in one basket!"

Very good," said the teacher.

Next little Sarah raised her hand and said,
"Our family, are farmers too. But we raise
chickens for the meat market. We had a
dozen eggs one time but when they hatched
we only had ten live chicks, and the moral
to the story is, don't count your chickens
until they've hatched."

That was a fine story, Sarah."

"Michael, do you have a story to tell?"

"Yes, ma'am, my daddy told me this story
about my Aunt Vickie...
Aunt Vickie was a flight engineer in Desert
Storm and her plane got hit.
She had to bail out over enemy territory,
and all she had was a bottle of whiskey,
machine gun and a machete.

She drank the whiskey on the way down
so it wouldn't break, and then she landed
right in the middle of 100 enemy troops.
She killed seventy of them with the machine
gun until she ran out of bullets.

Then she killed twenty more with the machete.
And then she killed the last ten with her bare
hands."

"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher,
"what kind of moral did your daddy tell you
from that horrible story?"

"Stay the hell away from Aunt Vickie when
she's drinking."