Hello to all!
My name is Kelly, I am 36, I have 4 kids a little doggie and a large kitty. I am a writer, still not published though. Fear of rejection was holding me back. Now I just don't have the energy and I have a lot of fog. I write children's literature, poetry, short stories, ect... well I did anyway.
I have been living with chronic pain for over 8 years now. I have Fibro., dege. disc disease, migraines, depression, stress, herniated disc, had one failed back surg. and they say I need another one where they want to put in rods, screws, pins, Have been avoiding that for 2 yrs. now. Can't face another back surg. when the first one failed and the pain was beyond belief!!!!
Not only did the surgery fail but my pain has been worse ever since. Before I got on all the pain meds my back would go out for months at a time to where I couldn't walk at all. Now I am on the duragesic patch, have been for 3 yrs. I still have pain when walking or moving or sitiing ot laying down well you all know what I mean, but at least I can walk some with a cane.
I have trouble being up on my feet at all, I get weak and tired and the pain goes through my hips, bottom, legs, feet. My pain specialist wrote me a script for motorized wheel chair as I also have pain and swelling, numbness in hands but due to insurance reasons my primary doc had to write script and when I ask him he said he'd write it just long enough for me to have the chair 'til I have the other back surg. even though I have told him I am not having it! My pn. spec. knows I need the chair to get around and have some-what of an active life but her hands are tied and there is no way I can afford even a used motor. chair.
I rarely leave my home at all over the past 5 years. If I have to go to the store or doc I have to suffer the whole time, I can't enjoy anything. I avoid going anywhere if possible and I cancell many app. even with my docs becase I just can't do it.
I am tired and I feel like giving up so much of the time. But I can't because I have to take care of my kids. They are all that keeps me going. My fiance has been with me for 5 yrs. and some of the time he is understanding but he doesn't help me. I would starve to death if it weren't for my 17 yr. old daughter. And even then I go hungry a lot of the time. And sometimes he'll pop off and say oh I know u hurt but Fibro isn't really an illness it's just something made up by docs. Man does it hurt when he acts that way and the rest of my family too. I've gave them literature to read , letter's to normals, and so on, yet nothing gets through to them and it adds to my pain and stress and it makes my heart ache.
I have never been a lazy person but they make me feel that way. And I already feel guilty enough because there are so many thing's I can't do anymore. If anyoen out there would like to talk please feel free to email me. I am so alone and so very very tired.
Sorry so long. Thanks bunches for reading, hope you're still awake! LOL Hugs to All. Your new friend, Kel
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